


Sweeter at the Summit

by GrandDukeForever



Series: The Depth of Obsession [2]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Ending, Dubious Consent, Incest, M/M, Past Underage, Past Underage Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-25 20:22:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 69,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/957240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrandDukeForever/pseuds/GrandDukeForever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the continuation/extension/sequel/alternate-ending/whatever you want to label it fic that follows my earlier work, “Bitter at the Root.”  </p><p><b>An important note to readers:</b> The previous fic in this two-part series can be read as a standalone, but this one carries over/refers to a lot of plot points from that earlier work.  Of course, readers are welcome to read this by itself too, but some of the story might seem random without having read the context.  That being said, I hope people find this to be an enjoyable read!</p><p>Link to the original prompt that inspired this work: http://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/350.html?thread=87390#t87390</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Emptiness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [raise_a_glass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raise_a_glass/gifts).



> OmG!! After about 3 days, I have FINALLY managed to make it to the sequel! MANY thanks to Hardyness for keeping me going in the comments on the previous story. I could NOT have finished this so quickly without your support, I am convinced of that! (Hopefully I've posted this in time for you to read it tonight...if not, I'm sure I'll be hearing from you again soon!)
> 
> I also would like to give a shoutout of thanks to bluebluebonnet for the consistent reviewing throughout "Bitter at the Root," and to SublimeDiscordance and the AMAZING lengthy comment left that totally made my day not too long after I had posted chapter 10 on that same story.
> 
> Thanks also to all those who read the earlier work and left me comments and/or kudos. MUCH APPRECIATED!! Hope to hear from more of you, and as for others, I hope to be hearing from you all again! 
> 
> Please enjoy the chapter! Already hard at work on the next bit!!

 

Raleigh was relieved of his duties as a Jaeger pilot shortly after being discharged from the hospital on the grounds of insubordination.  Frankly, he had been more than happy to go.  Tendo helped him pack his bags and Herc was his escort off the base and to his ride.  Raleigh made no promises to stay in touch, and neither of the other men asked.  Soon, Raleigh was off on his way, and the only thing on his mind was the question of what he was going to do now.

As the taxi neared his hometown, Raleigh slipped a hand into one of his pockets and procured from it a cell phone; the one that used to belong to Yancy.  The bill was paid for up until the end of the month, and Raleigh hadn’t yet decided whether he’d continue making the payments or have the line shut down.  He half-smiled as he punched in the passcode after powering the device on—it always seemed silly to him that Yancy had even bothered.  After all, it wasn’t like he could hide the information from Raleigh.  Then again, it was probably more to keep out everyone else.

Raleigh opened his brother’s phone book and didn’t take long in finding the number he was looking for—his brother only had so many contacts.  He pressed the number and then brought the device to his ear, listening to the sound of the call going through.

A male voice answered after the third ring.  “ _Hello?  Yancy?”_

Raleigh closed his eyes, leaned back in his seat and swallowed.  “No, actually...it’s Raleigh.”

He could hear the frown in the other man’s voice.  “ _Oh, Raleigh?  Hey...what’s up?  Everything okay?”_

Even Raleigh surprised himself with how smoothly he responded.  “Yancy’s _gone_ , Jeremy.”

For a second, Raleigh thought he lost his brother’s childhood friend.  Raleigh frowned and was about to look at the screen to make sure the call was still connected, when he heard the man on the other end hiss.

“ _Shiiiit...”_ said Jeremy.  “ _When?  What happened?”_

“Two weeks ago,” Raleigh said, his voice shaky when he responded.  “ _God_ , Jeremy...I shouldn’t even be alive to tell you this…”

“ _Hey!  Hey...don’t talk like that, okay?”_ said Jeremy.  “ _Where you at now, man?”_

Raleigh sighed.  “I’m coming home…”

“ _Good,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _Let me know when you get here.  Come over.  If you need me to, I’ll pick you up from wherever.”_

“Thanks man…” said Raleigh.  “I’ll call you again, real soon.”

“ _I’ll be waiting.”_

Raleigh had the taxi drop him off a few blocks from his old house before calling Jeremy again.  After letting the other man know where he was, he sat down on the sidewalk and waited for the older man to pull up in his pickup truck.  Jeremy kept his foot on the brake and lit up a cigarette while waiting for Raleigh to settle into his seat.  He blew a puff of smoke out the open driver’s side window and rolled away after Raleigh had buckled himself in.

Jeremy kept his eyes on the road and asked his question.  “You staying long, then?”

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah.  I’m through with piloting.”

Jeremy took another drag from his cigarette.  “Will you be staying in your old place?”

“Nah,” said Raleigh.  “People are still renting it.”

“You can always kick ‘em out, you know.”

Raleigh shrugged.  “Yeah...I could.”

Jeremy looked at the younger man from the corner of his eye.  “I take it you’re not planning on doing that?”

Raleigh ran a hand through his hair and sighed.  “Eh, I don’t know man...wouldn’t be right.”

Jeremy half-smiled.  “That’s not why...is it?”

Raleigh let out a sigh and leaned his head against the truck’s door frame.  “Well, the family living there now does have a lease contract until the end of next month…”

“All right…?  So you let them know you’re not going to renew the lease.”

“...I’ll think about it when I get there.”

Jeremy shook his head and chucked his finished cigarette out the window.  “You’re going to need a place to stay, Raleigh.”

“Yeah, I know...I just...I’m just not ready to go back in there, Jay,” Raleigh said, looking over at the other man, shrugging a shoulder slightly.  “That house is just too damn big for one person.”

Jeremy drummed his thumbs on the top part of his steering wheel.  “Hm…”

Raleigh looked around their surroundings and frowned.  “Where are we going, anyhow?  Wasn’t the turn to your house two lights back?”

Jeremy chuckled.  “Oh yeah.  Didn’t I tell you?  Damn...actually, maybe I only told Yancy.  I moved out of my house about a year ago, dude!”

Raleigh raised an eyebrow.  “You’re shitting me.  Your dad finally let you fly the coop?”

“I know, right?” Jeremy said with a laugh.  “My old man’s a sentimental bastard.  Kept blaming my mom for hanging onto me, but she was the one always pushing me to be independent...I’d be lying through my teeth if I said I didn’t miss her cooking though.”

Raleigh smiled.  “Yeah...your mom _is_ a pretty mean cook.”

“I’ll let her know you said that,” said Jeremy.  “No doubt she’ll appreciate it more, coming from you.”

Raleigh laughed.  “You give me too much credit.”

Jeremy shook his head.  “Tell _her_ that.  She thinks the world of you.  Fucking drives me insane.”

Raleigh laughed some more as Jeremy did a nasal impression of his mother.  “Why can’t you be more like _that_ , Jeremy?  How come that Becket boy is such a darling and you turned out to be the devil incarnate, Jeremy?”

“Stop,” Raleigh said, shaking his head and smiling.  “No way your mom says stuff like that.”

“You don’t believe me?   _Ha!_ ” Jeremy said as they pulled up to a stop light and he lit up another cigarette.  “Then you don’t have the slightest clue.”

Raleigh chuckled and both men soon fell into silence.  Jeremy spoke again when Raleigh turned to look out the window.

“You know...you can always stay over at my place.”

“Hm?” Raleigh frowned and looked over at the other man.  

Jeremy nodded.  “I mean it, Raleigh.  You’re welcome to crash.”

“Nah, it’s alright, Jay,” said Raleigh.  “I can figure it out...I’ve got enough money from working with the PPDC...I could probably shack up for a while in a hotel or something.”

Jeremy frowned.  “That’s stupid, man.  Why pay for a place when you can hang out at mine for free?”

Raleigh shrugged.  “Well you were initially only expecting me to come over for a little while, right?”

“To talk, yeah,” Jeremy said, nodding.  “But plans change all the time.”

Raleigh shook his head.  “I don’t really want to impose, Jay.”

Jeremy chuckled.  “Since when did you become so stubborn, anyway?  You’re starting to remind me an awful lot of your brother…”

He clamped his mouth shut as soon as he said it, but it was too late to take back his words.  Raleigh’s expression darkened and he slumped in his seat.  Jeremy sighed and blew out a puff of smoke.

“Shit...I’m sorry, Raleigh.”

Raleigh shrugged his shoulders, shook his head, and gave the older man a small smile.  “Hey, it’s all right…”

Jeremy threw out his cigarette and then drummed his fingers on his steering wheel as he drove.  “You know...I forgot to ask you earlier, on the phone…”

“Yeah?”

“When’s the funeral going to be?” Jeremy asked.

Raleigh shook his head.  “No funeral.”

Jeremy frowned.  “What?  Why not?”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “It’s not the same thing as when it was with Kyle…”

“What do you mean?”

Raleigh sighed.  “There’s _no body_ , Jay…”

“No _what?_ ” Jeremy asked sharply as he flipped on his turn signal.

“Exactly what I said,” Raleigh said with a slight shrug.  “He’s lost at sea...somewhere.”

Jeremy frowned and took a brief glance at Raleigh.  “How’d that happen, man?”

Raleigh sighed again and sunk into his seat.  “We...no... _I_ screwed up.”

Jeremy kept silent, and Raleigh continued.  “Our orders were to guard this strip called the Miracle Mile...that’s what they call that last stretch of ocean that’s considered a red zone...Kaiju crossing it means huge trouble for civilians.”

“All right…” Jeremy said, nodding slightly.  “I think I follow so far.”

Raleigh leaned his head against the car door and stretched his right arm along the windowsill.  “There was a civilian boat out there...and...I don’t know.  I told Yancy we should go after it and...well, he _agreed_ with me.”

Jeremy shrugged.  “Well, yeah.  I’d say that sounds about right for him.”

“Except it wasn’t that day, Jay,” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “Yancy had a gut feeling that maybe we shouldn’t go...that we should’ve been sticking to the plan…but I convinced him.  I told him we should go, and so we did.”

“So then…”

“We were overtaken by a Kaiju—it was a big one, largest one yet, they were saying,” said Raleigh.  “Category Three.  There was only one other like that to date.”

Jeremy frowned and wet his lips.  “The one that got Kyle, then?”

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah.  We called that one Yamarashi.  The one that got Yancy was called...Knifehead.”

Jeremy’s lips pressed into a thin line.  “So what happened when you guys fought with the Kaiju?”

Raleigh unconsciously reached for his left shoulder.  “It got us in the arm...tore it right off our Jaeger.  After that, well...it somehow knew we were in the cockpit.  I don’t know how...and it stuck its head through the hole.”

“Was that when it got Yancy…?” Jeremy asked softly.

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah...it just pulled Yancy right out and tossed him away like he was...like he was _nothing_.”

Jeremy sighed as they pulled into a parking lot.  Raleigh looked up at the building in front of them.  

“This your building?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said, nodding as he parked his car.  “Come on, grab your stuff.  My place is on the third floor.”

Raleigh tilted his head.  “I’m not planning on staying, though.”

“That’s fine,” said Jeremy.  “But I still wouldn’t just leave your stuff lying around in my car.  Not saying this is a bad neighborhood or anything...but better to be safe than sorry, yeah?  I can help you bring your stuff back down later.”

Raleigh took  a second to think about it.  “Yeah, all right.  Okay.”

Raleigh hadn’t brought with him a lot to carry, but Jeremy still took one of his bags.  The younger man looked at the construction worker in amusement as he lit up another cigarette.

“They let you smoke in here?” Raleigh asked.

Jeremy blew out a puff of smoke to the side.  “Hell yeah they do!  I made sure of it before I moved in here.”

Raleigh laughed.  “All right, but isn’t smoking prohibited on all public elevators though?”

“Oh _shit_ , you’re right,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “Ah, well.  Might as well finish it now—there’s no place to put it out here.  Damn...I’m always forgetting that.”

Raleigh chuckled.  “Guess some things never change...you really need to kick that habit though, Jerry.  It’s bad for you.”

The older man looked at him and raised an eyebrow.  “...what did you call me?”

“Huh?” Raleigh asked, tilting his head in confusion.

Jeremy frowned and shook his head.  “Nothing...never mind.”

The elevator doors opened, and both men stepped out.  Jeremy hoisted the bag he was carrying over his shoulder and Raleigh followed him as he walked down the hall.  Jeremy dropped the bag carefully onto the ground when they stopped in front of his door and rummaged his pocket for his keys.  When he found them, he unlocked the door and nudged it open with his foot.

Jeremy picked up Raleigh’s bag and then tilted his head towards the inside of his apartment.  “All right, come on in.  Make yourself at home.”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “Thanks.”

The apartment was surprisingly neat.  It was a one-bedroom apartment with a small kitchen and a living room.  There wasn’t a whole lot of furniture—the living room had a television, one long couch, and a single-seater sofa with a coffee table in front of it.  Jeremy rubbed at the back of his neck while Raleigh surveyed his lodgings.

“Sorry there’s not much to it,” said Jeremy.

Raleigh shook his head.  “No, man...it’s nice.  Life of a bachelor, right?”

Jeremy half-smiled.  “Yeah, I guess so.  Want something to eat?  I’m not sure if I have a lot stocked up right now...but feel free to poke around and see what you can find.”

“Sure, thanks.”

“Ah...and definitely check the expiration dates,” Jeremy said with a small laugh.  “Don’t hesitate to toss anything out.  I’m pretty bad at keeping up with that sort of thing.”

Raleigh chuckled.  “Yeah, okay.”

He made his way over to the fridge.  “You need a woman, Jay!  Spruce this place up a little!”

“Whatever, man!” Jeremy said, laughing on his way to his bedroom.  “Women make things complicated!  I like how my life is now... _nice_ and _easy_.”

Raleigh snorted.  “Yeah, _all right_.”

“Hey!  Don’t give me lip, son!” Jeremy said, still laughing.

“Yes, _sir!_ ”

Raleigh took out a few slices of cheese from Jeremy’s fridge and set them on the counter while rummaging through the older man’s pantry.  He found two loaves of bread and tossed out the one that was past its due date.  He set the good loaf on the counter and searched for some plates.  When he did, he took out a few slices of bread for himself and for his brother’s friend before tying the bag back up and putting it back in the cabinet.  That was when he noticed two bottles of whiskey tucked into a corner.  He reached for one and took a closer look at the label.  

 _Jack Daniel’s.  Kyle’s granddad’s favorite brand of whiskey._ Raleigh half-smiled.  He put the bottle back where he had found it.  

Raleigh finished making the sandwiches and placed one on the coffee table while taking the other one with him to the long couch.  He found the remote for the television lodged in between two of the cushions and turned on the machine.  Jeremy joined him in the living room later, wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a white wifebeater.  His skin was still moist from the shower and he came into the room using one hand to dry his hair with a towel.  Raleigh smiled up at him and gestured toward the other sandwich.  Jeremy raised an eyebrow.

“For me?” he asked as he slung the towel around his neck and picked up the plate.  “Thanks.”

“No problem,” said Raleigh.  “Threw out the molded bread into the trash bin.”

Jeremy scrunched his nose.  “Yeah...I knew you would find _somethin’_.”

Raleigh shook his head and laughed.  “You’re ridiculous, man.”

“Hey, I’m a busy guy,” Jeremy said with a shrug.

They munched for several minutes in silence.  After a while, Raleigh spoke up.

“Hey, listen…”

Jeremy looked over at the younger man.  “Yeah?  What’s up?”

“I was thinking…” said Raleigh.  “Maybe...maybe I _would_ like to stay after all.”

He looked down at his plate.  “That is...I mean, if you’re still willing to host me.”

He added the last part rather quickly.  Jeremy took another bite of his sandwich and nodded.

“Yeah, man, sure,” he said.  “Of course.”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “Thanks.”

Jeremy turned his attention to the television.  “What changed your tune, though?”

Raleigh swallowed the last bite of his sandwich and sighed.  He set his plate down in his lap and leaned back.

“I...I don’t know,” he said with a small shrug.  “I guess ‘cause I saw the bottles of Jack.”

Jeremy frowned and set down his plate.  He rubbed at the back of his neck.

“Ah...you saw that?”

“Yeah…” Raleigh said, nodding slowly.  “Sorry...should I not have said that?”

“Nah,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “Truth is, I kind of forgot all about them…”

“Yeah, they were kind of tucked back in there,” said Raleigh.  “I didn’t even notice them until I was putting the bread back.”

“You know, Kyle used to always call me that,” Jeremy said with a small smile.  “Jack.”  

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah, I remember.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right,” Jeremy said, chuckling softly.  “You were pretty much always around us, weren’t you?”

“Yeah…”

“I bet you’re wondering how long I’ve had them, right?” Jeremy asked.  “For me to forget about them like that?”

Raleigh gave a slight shrug.  “I don’t know.  You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want, Jay.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” said Jeremy.  “Truth is...I bought those way back.  They were for me and Kyle.”

“Ah, yeah,” Raleigh said, nodding.  “That’s right.  You were supposed to talk to him about all the things you two discussed in your letters.”

Jeremy frowned.  “Yeah, that’s right...say...how do you know about all that?  Did you read them?”

“Yeah,” Raleigh said, nodding his head at first, then shaking it.  “I mean no...I mean...well, _sorta_ …”

Jeremy tilted his head.  “Sort of?  How do you mean?”

Raleigh shrugged helplessly.  “It’s...kind of a little hard to explain.”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow.  “This got to do with all that Jaeger stuff or whatever?”

“Yeah,” said Raleigh.  “Well...I mean, more specifically, the _Drift_ …”

“Drift, huh?” said Jeremy.  “Mind explaining that a little bit?”

“Sure, but...I’m not sure if you’re going to find it easy to understand without having tried it,” said Raleigh.  “It’s totally on a different level than what they describe in the textbooks.”

“They have textbooks on this thing?” Jeremy asked incredulously.

Raleigh laughed.  “Yeah.  They do.  At Jaeger Academy.”

Jeremy shook his head.  “Sounds pretty weird.”

“Yeah, it does,” said Raleigh.  “Until you actually enroll into a school and play with some of the technology yourself.”

“I see…” said Jeremy.  “Well...that’s all right.  Explain it to me anyway.  I’ll try to understand.”

“Okay,” said Raleigh.  “Got any specific questions you want me to answer first?”

Jeremy nodded.  “Yeah.  How about we start with how you knew about what Kyle and I wrote to each other.”

“Sure,” Raleigh said with a shrug.  “Well...let me start off by explaining about how Jaeger pilots Drift.”

Jeremy nodded again.  “Okay.”

“You know how like...doctors attach those things to your head to check brain function?” Raleigh asked.

“Yeah,” said Jeremy.

“It’s kind of like that…” said Raleigh.  “Except they’re not just checking brain activity.”

“They?” Jeremy asked.

“The PPDC,” said Raleigh.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” said Raleigh.  “Sorry...I’m confusing you already, aren’t I?”

Jeremy shook his head.  “No, it’s okay.  Go on.”

Raleigh nodded.  “All right.  So...basically they have us put on this suit.  You put that on, and then they connect you to what they call a Conn-Pod.  Basically, it’s just a fancy term for ‘cockpit’ that they use over there.”

Jeremy nodded.  “Okay.  So what happens when you’ve connected to the Conn-Pod?”

“The head of the Jaeger—that’s basically what the Conn-Pod is—gets lowered and connected to the Jaeger’s body,” said Raleigh.  “Then, usually some point after we’ve been dropped off into the ocean, we initiate something called a neural handshake.”

“And what’s that?” asked Jeremy.

“That’s the part that allows us to enter the Drift,” said Raleigh.  “It’s detrimental to the body if a person tries to pilot a Jaeger by his or her own self, so two pilots are needed.  To compensate, they created the Drifting technique—one side of each person’s brain is connected to the other to make a ‘new whole.’  Both people become one mind and one body with each other and the Jaeger they operate.”

“Wow,” said Jeremy.  “Sounds real complicated.”

“In explaining it, yeah,” Raleigh said with a slight frown.  “Sorry...I’m not really much of a teacher.”

“ _That was always Yancy,”_ Raleigh wanted to say, but didn’t.

“It’s okay,” said Jeremy.  “So is that all?”

“No,” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “There’s definitely a lot more to the Drift.  You’re getting inside each other’s heads.  A popular phrase back at the PPDC is that there’s no such thing as a secret in the Drift.  When you connect to someone else’s mind?  You get _everything_.”

“Everything?” Jeremy asked.

“ _Everything_ ,” Raleigh confirmed.  “From what the other person’s childhood was like right up to what they had to eat for breakfast earlier that morning.”

Jeremy whistled.  “Wow...that’s a lot of stuff.”

“Sure is,” said Raleigh.  “The worst part is, there really isn’t an off switch.”

Jeremy frowned.  “What do you mean?”

“Well, the longer you’ve connected with someone, the more likely it is you’re still going to hear them even after you’ve disconnected from the Jaeger,” said Raleigh.  “Yancy and I Drifted so many times together, we could start talking to each other in our minds, even without using our Jaeger as a medium.”

“So you guys were... _psychic_ or something?” Jeremy asked.

Raleigh shrugged.  “I guess you could look at it like that, yeah.  It’s easier to understand once you’ve done it though.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Jeremy said, nodding.

“The other thing too, about the memories,” said Raleigh.  “Is that once they’re loaded in your brain, you keep them all.  Of course, the longer you’ve Drifted with someone, the deeper the integration.”

“Meaning?”

“It’s...possible to Drift with other partners,” said Raleigh.  “I’ve never done it...and honestly, I sure as hell don’t want to.  I’ve been used to Yancy for so long and…”

Raleigh looked away.  Jeremy half-smiled.

“You know,” he said.  “I think I can understand.”

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah...anyway...each pilot you connect to, you get a little bit of something from them.  I have some of Kyle’s memories too.”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow.  “You Drifted with Kyle?”

Raleigh shook his head and looked at Jeremy again.  “No.  Yancy did, a few times, back when we were still at the academy.”

“Oh.”

“It’s...kind of a weird concept, but it’s like a multiple-transfer type of thing, you know?” said Raleigh.  “I’m not quite sure what else you can call it.”

Jeremy nodded.  “I think I kind of understand...so you’re saying when they connected, Yancy got a copy of Kyle’s memories, and then when you and Yancy connected, you got his plus Kyle’s?”

Raleigh smiled a little.  “Yeah, that’s right.”

“Geez,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “That’s a lot of shit going into one skull, man.”

Raleigh laughed.  “Yeah, sure is.”

“Is that how you found out about the letters then?” Jeremy asked.  “By looking into Kyle’s memories?”

Raleigh shook his head.  “No, not Kyle’s.  Yancy’s.”

“Yancy?  Yancy read them?” Jeremy asked.

“Only yours.  I don’t think Kyle told him about the letter he sent until you replied to it.”

Jeremy frowned.  “Kyle let him read the letter then?”

“Nah, that’s something Yancy did for him,” said Raleigh.  “Kyle had planned on reading the letter after the fight.”

“The fight that killed him?”

“Yeah…”

Jeremy leaned forward in his seat.  “He died on site, didn’t he?”

“Yeah he—”

“Then how was he able to read the letter, Raleigh?”

The younger man froze and he inwardly cursed.  “ _God damn it, Raleigh!  You walked right into that one, didn’t you?”_

Jeremy’s voice was tight.  “Yancy told me Kyle read the letter.”

Raleigh bit his lip.  “He thinks he did...I mean…!   _Shit_ …”

“Explain it to me, Raleigh…” Jeremy said calmly.  “I’m sure there’s a reason why he thought that...right?”

“Ah...yeah,” Raleigh said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.  “Well usually when one pilot dies, so does the other.”

“But you survived,” said Jeremy.

Raleigh nodded.  “I know...that’s unusual.  It’s only ever happened one other time.  Normally the feeling of having your co-pilot wrenched away from you like that is enough to kill a person.”

“So then how did you manage it?” asked Jeremy.

Raleigh shook his head and sighed.  “I don’t know, man...I’ve been asking myself the same damn thing.  I guess because of the last words Yancy told me over the Drift...to not go into shock, like Ethan did.”

“Ethan?”

“That was the name of Kyle’s co-pilot,” said Raleigh.  “I guess nobody ever told you. He died a little after we transported him to our medical bay.  He’s the one Yancy read the letter to.”

Jeremy frowned.  “So then Kyle didn’t get a chance to read it at all.”

He startled Raleigh by smacking his hand down hard on the coffee table and standing up abruptly.  The older man ran a hand through his black hair before placing his hands on his hips.  

“ _Damn it_ , Yancy!” Jeremy said angrily.  “Why did he lie to me?”

“No, Jay, listen!  He didn’t lie, not exactly!” Raleigh said as he got up as well.  “The longer you Drift with someone, you don’t just get their memories, you get a bit of their spirit as well.  It’s very likely a little bit of Kyle was still inside of Ethan before he died.  That’s why Yancy read the letter to him; he thought Kyle could still hear through his co-pilot.  That’s why Yancy thought Ethan held on for as long as he did.”

Jeremy took a minute to process the information.  He hung his head and sighed.

“I don’t think I understand…” he said, mournfully.  

Raleigh slumped his shoulders.  “I’m really sorry, Jerry...I didn’t mean—”

“No…!  No...it’s all right,” Jeremy said, running a hand through his hair again.  “It’s better that you told me.  Damn though, if Yancy were still alive I’d punch—wait a second.”

The older man frowned and looked at Raleigh.  “Did you just call me ‘Jerry’?”

Raleigh blinked.  “What?  Did I…?  I...I don’t know…”

Jeremy nodded, brows furrowed together.  “Yeah...yeah, you definitely did.  I heard you clearly this time.  I think you called me that in the car too, on our way here.  You didn’t notice?”

Raleigh frowned and shook his head.  “No...no I didn’t.”

“That part of the Drift too?” Jeremy asked.

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah...most likely.”

“You...you still feel him?” Jeremy asked softly.

“Do I have pieces of him still inside of me?  Yeah…” Raleigh said, closing his eyes and turning his head away.  “But do I actually feel his presence in my head while he was still alive?   _No_...maybe for a little while after he died, but definitely not the next day.”

Jeremy frowned.  “You felt him after he died…?”

“Yeah,” Raleigh said tightly.  “I think he lingered for a bit...to help me get through the fight with that Kaiju we fought, I don’t know, really...all I know is, I woke up the next morning and my head just felt... _empty_.”

When Raleigh opened his eyes and looked at Jeremy again, his eyes were glassy.  “...and I can’t even _begin_ to explain what that feels like.”

Jeremy placed one of his hands around the back of his neck.  “Damn, Raleigh...I’m sorry.  I don’t know what to say…”

“It’s alright,” Raleigh said with a half-smile.  “Anyway, he _was_ there...for a little while.  So I think it really is safe to say that Kyle heard the words of your letter when Yancy read it to him...even if he couldn’t hold it in his hands and read it himself.”

Jeremy sighed.  “Well...I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find this hard to believe, but...I’ll try and take your word for it.”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “Sorry again, Jay…”

“Nah, don’t be,” said Jeremy.  “Anyway, listen...it’s been a long day for us both, yeah?  Now might be a good time to turn in.”

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah, I agree.  Can I take the couch?”

Jeremy shook his head.  “Nah, man.  You go ahead and take the bed.  I’m hardly in there anyway.”

Raleigh raised an eyebrow.  Jeremy chuckled.  

“Seriously, man,” he said.  “I pretty much only use the bathroom in there to shower and the closet for all my clothes.  I’m usually out here, passed out in front of the television.”

Raleigh smiled a little.  “ _Bullshit_.”

“I swear to God,” Jeremy said with a small smile, holding up a hand.  “I’m not shitting you.”

Raleigh shook his head and laughed.  “All right, man...if you insist.  Thank you.”

Jeremy nodded.  “ _Please._ Go and make yourself comfortable.  Toss me the remote before you go?”

“Yeah, sure man,” said Raleigh, passing Jeremy the remote control for the television with an underhand throw.

Jeremy caught the remote easily and changed the channel before throwing the towel that had been around his neck over the top of the single-seater sofa.  He then reclined in his seat.  Meanwhile, Raleigh made his way over to Jeremy’s room.

Sure enough, when he poked his head in, aside from the clothes jutting out of a partly closed closet and the smell of shampoo coming from the open door of the bathroom, the rest of Jeremy’s room looked pretty much untouched.  Raleigh chuckled and poked his head out the bedroom door.

“You weren’t kidding when you said you hardly use your room, were you?” Raleigh asked.

Jeremy leaned back in his seat, one arm over his head, his other hand held the remote in front of him as he flipped through the channels.  He tilted his head slightly in Raleigh’s direction, but kept his eyes on the television screen.

“Hm?  What’s that?” he asked.

Raleigh laughed.  “I said, when’s the last time you changed your sheets in there, man?  The room doesn’t even smell like smoke.”

Jeremy chuckled and a small smile formed on his face.  “Told you I’m never in there.”

Raleigh smiled.  “Mmhmm…”

He slipped back into Jeremy’s room and started unpacking a few things from his bags.  He got out a change of clothes and in a few minutes he was in and out of the shower.  Once in fresh clothes, he settled on Jeremy’s bed and pulled out from one of his bags a stack of photographs that he and his brother used to have hanging on the wall of their room back at the Anchorage Shatterdome.  He hesitated when he came to the one with a close-up of himself and his brother.  Raleigh gingerly ran a thumb over his brother’s face in the picture and then wiped a tear away from his eye with one of his wrists before putting the photographs away.  He then walked over to the lightswitch to shut off the light before settling himself into Jeremy’s bed and trying his best to sleep as restfully as he could.

Unfortunately, Raleigh was plagued by nightmares that night.  He dreamt about Knifehead for the first time in days, perhaps as a result of his earlier conversation regarding the Drift and Yancy with Jeremy.  The nightmare began as it always did, with Knifehead spearing off Gipsy Danger’s arm and then Yancy dying.  Then, the dream took a strange turn, with Raleigh seeing things his subconscious never showed him before.  The nightmare usually ended when Yancy died, but this time it continued with him gasping desperately as he tumbled uncontrollably through wild ocean waters.  Hands that didn’t look like his own, grasping desperately in front of him.  His head managed to surface above the water several times, but he was quickly pulled back under each time.  Finally, his head hit hard upon some object, and that was when Raleigh woke up in a cold sweat, as soon as he had blacked out in his dream.  He immediately sat upright in the bed, breathing harshly and bringing his hands up to rub at his face.  

It took him a minute or two to calm down, but when he did, he rummaged through one of the bags he had left at the side of the bed and dug out his watch so he could check the time.  It was four in the morning.  Raleigh sighed and then slowly got out of bed.  He didn’t think Jeremy would be awake, but he knew he wasn’t going to get any more sleep that night.  He decided to go to the kitchen to see if there was anything he could make to eat.

When Raleigh came out of the room, he found Jeremy snoring softly and passed out on the couch he had been sitting in earlier.  The older man had his legs kicked up on the coffee table and the remote was still clutched limply in one of his hands.  Raleigh chuckled and then made his way to the kitchen to search for some food.  He was amazed to find that the man had cereal.  Of course, there was less than a quarter left of the milk in the fridge, but Raleigh had no problem just making do.  He made a mental note, however, to go grocery shopping for his brother’s friend.  

Raleigh had been about to take a bite when something being said on the television caught his attention.  Raleigh took a step forward and squinted.  His eyes widened when he realized what the newscaster was saying on the screen.

“ _Earlier this morning, a large Kaiju was sighted in Seattle, Washington.  A Jaeger was dispatched from a PPDC base in Anchorage to respond to the threat.  At around 2am, the Jaeger, codename Romeo Blue, was tragically overwhelmed by the beast’s…”_

Jeremy jumped up from his seat at the sound of Raleigh’s bowl and spoon clattering onto the hard floor of his kitchen.  He grunted softly while rubbing at his face before looking in the direction of the kitchen.  

“Raleigh…?” he mumbled.

Raleigh dropped to the ground to clean up the mess he had made.  “Shit, man...sorry about that...I’ll clean it up.”

Jeremy rubbed at his eyes.  “Nah, it’s alright, no big deal.  What’s wrong though?  Something happen?”

Raleigh ignored the question and placed the bowl and spoon into Jeremy’s sink.  “Where’s your paper towels at, Jay?”

“Uh...over to the left in the corner,” said Jeremy.  “You should see ‘em right there.  Seriously, what’s going on, dude?”

Behind him, on the television screen, headshots of two men were being shown side-by-side.  Jeremy frowned and slowly turned as he caught the tail-end of the newscaster’s report.

“ _...Gage, the famed twin pilots of the PPDC have now been added to the long list of casualties…”_

“ _Shiiit_ …” Jeremy muttered as he picked up the remote.  “My bad, Raleigh…”

Raleigh shook his head as he squatted down to clean up what he had spilled.  “Nah, it’s alright, Jay.  You don’t have to turn it off or anything.”

“It’s all right...I wasn’t even watching it anyway,” Jeremy said as he sighed and shut off the television.  “...did you know ‘em?”

Raleigh nodded darkly.  “Trevin and Bruce Gage...yeah.  Good men...good pilots.”

“I’m sorry, man,” said Jeremy.

Raleigh half-smiled as he threw away the soiled paper towels.  “...it’s all right.”

Jeremy ran a hand through his hair.  “Shit...what time is it now?”

“You got somewhere to be?” asked Raleigh.

Jeremy nodded.  “Yeah.  You hear the rumors?  The government’s thinking of shutting down the Jaeger Program.”

Raleigh frowned.  “No, really?  First I’m hearing of it…”

“Oh.  Well...the government’s started handing out grants to construction companies all over,” said Jeremy, rubbing at his neck.  “Business is booming for us right now…”

“What did they commission you guys to construct?” Raleigh asked.

“A giant blockade,” said Jeremy.  “They’re calling it the Kaiju Wall.  They’ve got hundreds of men working on this thing, myself and my pops included.”

“I see…” said Raleigh.  “What time you supposed to be leaving?”

“Five-thirty,” said Jeremy.

Raleigh glanced over at a microwave in Jeremy’s kitchen.  “Your clocks in the house all right?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said with a nod.

“Well the one on your microwave says it’s only a quarter past four,” said Raleigh.  “So you’ve got a little time.  Sorry for waking you up so early, man.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” said Jeremy.  “It’s better if I’m up now anyway.  Gives me a bit more time to get ready.”

“Say...think it’d be alright if I tagged along?” asked Raleigh.

“With me?” Jeremy asked.  “Where, to work?”

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah.  I mean, if it’s okay with you…”

Jeremy shrugged.  “I mean, yeah.  It’s totally fine by me, man, but...wouldn’t you rather just stay here?  Relax?”

Raleigh shook his head.  “Nah...I think I’d rather be doing something more useful.”

“Hm...I can understand that,” Jeremy said with a nod.  “All right.  Let me call up my dad.”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “Thanks, Jay.”

“No problem, man.”

Sure enough, the Jaeger Program was publicly announced to have been decommissioned several weeks later.  During that time, Raleigh worked as a contractor under Jeremy and his father’s construction company.  For the first few years, he worked closely alongside them.  As the building project grew and expanded, however, Raleigh was separated from the two men as they were all eventually given separate assignments at different locations where they were needed.  Raleigh had moved out of Jeremy’s apartment and back into his own home since it was more reasonable for his commute, and he absorbed himself in work as much as possible just so he wouldn’t have to force himself to deal with the overwhelming lack of his older brother’s presence in the home.

One day, he was mixed in with a large gathering of other workers who were watching the news on some hoisted television screens.  His face was blank of any emotion as he watched footage of a giant Kaiju breaking through part of the Kaiju Wall like it was nothing.  The feed then split to showing a Jaeger he didn’t recognize from his PPDC days that they were calling Striker Eureka take the beast on.  His eyes softened a bit upon seeing a brief glimpse of one of the Jaeger’s pilots—Herc Hansen.

“ _Still fighting the good fight, huh, old man?”_ Raleigh thought to himself.  “ _Good for you.”_

He was soon distracted by the brash attitude of Herc’s younger co-pilot, who was being interviewed by several reporters.  

“ _That must be his son,”_ Raleigh mused.

He frowned at the words coming out of the young man’s mouth.  “ _We were made to decommission the Jaeger Program because of mediocre pilots.  That simple.”_

Raleigh’s jaw clenched and he looked down.  The young pilot reminded him so much of his former self, and he didn’t like it.  He also had a feeling that the boy’s insult was being directed specifically towards him.  It wasn’t too far fetched a theory—Raleigh thought it was quite likely that Herc probably told his son a lot about himself and Yancy.

He watched Herc’s son jut his face towards the cameras.  “ _That's Striker Eureka's tenth kill to date.  It's a new record.”_

Raleigh resisted the urge to snort.  He began to push his way away from the crowd.

 _“That’s a new reh chod,”_ Raleigh mimicked Herc’s son’s accent condescendingly in his mind.  “ _What is he, some hoity toity kid with an accent?”_

He raised his gaze at the sound of a chopper coming down from overhead.  Without meaning to, Raleigh found himself walking towards it.  He had a gut feeling that whoever was on board the black hawk had more than likely come for him.

His suspicions were confirmed when the door to the side of the aircraft flung open and a tall black man stepped out into the open.  Raleigh’s eyes lit up with immediate recognition and he placed his hands around the waist of his pants as he walked towards the man, unconsciously assuming the cocky gait he and Yancy once shared.

The man acknowledged him as he drew near.  “Mr. Becket!”

“Marshal!” Raleigh said tightly, giving his former superior a slight upward nod.  “Looking sharp…”

“ _The fuck are_ _ **you**_ _doing here?”_ Raleigh doesn’t say.

Pentecost frowned at him, as if he had heard the blonde man’s inner thought.  “Long time.”

“Five years, four months,” Raleigh said, not missing a beat.

“ _Since Yancy’s death...you really think I’d forget, old man?”_ Raleigh added in his thoughts.

Pentecost squinted and grimaced, looking slightly off to one side.  “Can I have a word?”

Raleigh regarded the marshal with a stony expression.  He turned slowly, but kept his eyes on the marshal for as long as he could.

“Step into my office, marshal,” he said with sarcasm.

“Took me a while to find you,” Pentecost said as he followed Raleigh to a somewhat isolated section of the compound.  “Anchorage...Sheldon Point…”

Raleigh stepped on top of some rubble.  “Well, men in my position travel with the wall's changes and shifts to make a living.”

He shrugged a little as he sat down, hands in his pockets.  “What do _you_ want?”

“I've spent the last six months activating everything I can get my hands on,” Pentecost said, hands clasped behind his back.  “There's an old Jaeger...Mark Three.  You may know it.  It needs a pilot…”

“ _A Mark Three?  I might know it?  He can’t be referring to Gipsy...can he?”_ Raleigh thought to himself with a frown.  “ _And even if he was...that Jaeger doesn’t just need_ _ **one**_ _pilot...it needs_ _ **two**_ _.  And I sure as hell ain’t piloting that thing without Yancy.”_

Raleigh’s hand began to fidget up and down as his mind suddenly became filled with thoughts of Yancy.  He threw a hand slightly upward and gave the marshal a mild look of contempt.

“M'guessing I wasn't your first choice…” Raleigh said, voice tight.

“You _are_ my first choice,” said Pentecost.  “All the other Mark Three pilots are dead.”

Raleigh’s jaw clenched and he got up from where he was sitting.  He hooked his thumbs around his belt and walked up to the marshal, stopping just beside the taller man.  

He spoke to the marshal in a low voice while staring at nothing in particular straight ahead of him.  “Look...I can't have anyone else in my head again.  I’m done.”

He shook his head and looked at the marshal.  His former superior regarded him with sympathetic eyes.

“I was still connected to my brother when he died…” Raleigh continued.  “I can't go through that again, man...I'm sorry.”

He turned to walk away.  Pentecost called after him angrily, causing him to halt in his tracks.

“Haven’t you heard, Mr. Becket?”

Raleigh slowly turned around to face the marshal.  Determination was reflected in the other man’s eyes.

“The world is coming to an end,” Pentecost said, his voice rising.  “So where would you rather die?   _Here?_ Or in a _Jaeger?_ ”

Raleigh was pretty sure he had firmly declined, though in all honesty he couldn’t remember what it was that he finally said.  Apparently though, whatever he _did_ end up saying hadn’t mattered much, because the next thing Raleigh knew, he was sitting next to Marshal Pentecost in his helicopter with what little he had brought with him to the construction site.  They made a quick stop at his house so that he could gather the rest of what he deemed necessary before they were off and on their way to some undisclosed location.  

Hours later, they landed at the Hong Kong Shatterdome.  Raleigh carefully took in all of his surroundings as he was ushered inside.  Upon arriving, he was immediately introduced to a young Japanese woman named Mako Mori, and he also met an eccentric pair of scientist, Newton Geiszler and Herrmann Gottlieb.  During his quick and unofficial orientation of the new facilities, Raleigh was pleasantly reacquainted with Herc Hansen.  He also briefly caught the eyes of Herc’s son, but he paid the younger man no mind as he thought to himself that it would be best if he avoided anyone who was as brash in personality as he used to be.  When he turned away, he missed the mixture of disappointment and contempt that crossed the younger pilot’s features.

Within a few minutes, he was reintroduced to a fully repaired and upgraded Gipsy Danger.  The young woman named Mako led him onto an observation deck that offered him a decent view of the giant Jaeger.

“Oh my God…look at her,” Raleigh said as he gripped at some railing in front of him and swayed back and forth.  “ _Gipsy Danger_ …”

His voice choked with emotion as he thought about his brother.  “God...it's so beautiful.  She looks like new!”

“Better than new!” Mako said, with a small smile.  “She has a double-core nuclear reactor.  She's one-of-a-kind now.”

Raleigh looked over at the young woman and thought to himself.  “ _Oh, you have no idea…”_

He half-smiled and returned his attention to the Jaeger, his mind filled with Yancy.  “She always was.”

Just then, a familiar voice started rattling off the Jaeger’s new specifications somewhere behind him.  Raleigh turned and smiled upon seeing who it was.

“ _Aw shit!”_ Raleigh thought to himself as he smiled and greeted his old friend.  “ _It’s Tendo!”_

The two exchanged a few words and gave each other a heartfelt hug.  After Raleigh promised the other man that they’d catch up more later, Mako escorted him to his room.  

After a bit of small talk, the two eventually engaged in a bit of an awkward conversation.  In hindsight, Raleigh realized that he had only himself to blame for the foul mood he obtained as a result of his conversation with Mako.  After all, he had gone and asked her what she thought of him as a pilot, personally.

“I think...you're unpredictable,” she said.  “You have a habit of deviating from standard combat techniques.”

Raleigh’s jaw tightened, and his eyes grew glassy.  The jab in his chest felt familiar; he was reminded of the words he had heard earlier that day from Herc’s son in his interview.  He had no doubt that Mako was referring to the same thing.   _Knifehead.  Yancy.  His mistake.  His brother’s death._

“You take risks, then injure yourself and your crew,” Mako continued, shaking her head.  “...I don't think you're the right man for this mission.”

Raleigh dropped his gaze for a minute, forcing the tears back before looking up to face Mako again.  “Wow…”

He let out a small sigh and swallowed the lump forming in his throat.  “...thank you for your honesty.”

Mako flashed him an apologetic look; she appeared to have just realized how callous she must have sounded to Raleigh.  Upset, the blonde’s voice shook when he spoke.  He pulled out his stack of treasured photographs from his bag and began shuffling through them.

“You might be right...but one day, when you're a pilot, you're gonna see that in combat…you make decisions,” Raleigh said as he shook his head and hesitated for a second on the photo of himself and Yancy before angrily shoving it to the bottom of the pile.  “...and you have to live with the consequences.”

He gave Mako a slight shrug as he stepped away from her.  “That’s what I’m trying to do.”

He turned away, and Mako soon left.  She could tell from his body language that their conversation was over.  Raleigh quickly strode into his bathroom after she had left, and he kicked the door shut behind him as he placed his hands on either side of his sink, his body shaking as he let a few tears fall.  He calmed down after several minutes and stripped off his jacket, letting it fall to the floor.  He then turned on the tap and began washing his face.  He took off his shirt when he was done, and he stepped out of the bathroom as he pressed it to his face, drying it.  He looked up when he felt the strange sense of someone looking at him, and was only half-surprised when he realized Mako was staring at him through her open doorway from across the hall.  Wanting to have a private moment to himself, he walked to his door and quietly pushed it shut.

Raleigh then went to sit down on his bed.  He gripped at the mattress with both his hands and let out a deep sigh before glancing over at his partly opened sack.  Raleigh leaned forward and rummaged around the bag, pulling out his cell phone.  He clicked it on.  He half-smiled when he found there was reception.

“ _Guess they don’t jam our civilian signals anymore…”_ Raleigh thought.  “ _Now that this is no longer a top secret government-run operation…”_

He thought about the time difference between where he was and Alaska.  The clock on his phone said it was nine-thirty in the evening at the Shatterdome.  That meant it was five-thirty in the morning in Anchorage.  Raleigh’s finger hovered over Jeremy’s number in his contacts.

“ _He told me he’s usually up already and at work around then...right?”_ Raleigh thought to himself before pressing down on the man’s number.  “ _Oh well...I’m about to find out, I guess.”_

Jeremy surprised him by answering on the first ring.  “ _Hello?”_

“Whoa, Jay,” Raleigh said with a small smile.  “You picked up right away.  That’s got to be a new record for you.”

“ _Shut up, man, I just happened to have my phone on me,”_ Jeremy said with a laugh.  “ _What’s going on, Raleigh?  I haven’t heard from you since yesterday.  Everything all right at home?”_

“...I’m not home, Jay,” said Raleigh.

He could hear the frown in the other man’s voice.  “ _What?  Where are you then?”_

Raleigh chuckled a little; part of him still didn’t believe it himself.  He ran a hand through his blonde hair.  

“I’m in _Hong Kong_ , man.”

“ _..._ _ **bullshit**_ _.”_

Raleigh laughed.  “No, man.  I swear to God…”

“ _The fuck you doing all the way in_ _ **Hong Kong**_ _, man?”_ Jeremy asked.

Raleigh ran a hand through his hair again.  “I don’t know, man...I got picked up from the place I was working by this guy, a marshal.  The one I used to work for when I was a Jaeger pilot with the PPDC.”

“ _That’s just_ _ **random**_ _as_ _ **shit**_ _.”_

Raleigh laughed at Jeremy’s emphasis on his words.  “Yeah, man.  I agree with you _completely_.  This is _totally_ random.  It feels weird as hell for me, being here.”

“ _Shit, I bet it does!  How are you even talking to me on the phone, anyway?”_ Jeremy asked.  “ _I remember back in the day they let you all_ _ **take**_ _phones, but you sure as hell couldn’t call from ‘em.”_

“There’s no government to jam our signals anymore,” said Raleigh.  “I guess since they’re no longer funding the operation, there’s no need to be so secretive while we’re here on base.”

“ _I guess that makes sense…”_ said Jeremy.  “ _So...what’s your plan now, man?”_

Raleigh shrugged to himself.  “I don’t know, Jay...they want me to pilot another Jaeger.”

“ _Really?”_

“Yeah,” said Raleigh.  “Actually...it’s the same one.  They fixed her up.”

“ _...the one you and Yancy used to ride in?”_

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah...that’s the one.  Gipsy Danger, they call her.”

“ _Badass name, bro.”_

“Ain’t it?” Raleigh said with a small smile.  “Yancy never really cared one way or the other about it though…”

“ _Aw, man...Yancy couldn’t have figured out ‘cool’ even if it had hit him in the face,”_ said Jeremy.

Raleigh chuckled.  “Well, he was friends with _you_ , wasn’t he?”

“ _...touch_ _é_ _, my friend,”_ Jeremy said, after a slight pause.  “ _Seriously though, man.  What do you plan to do?  You plan on fighting in that thing again?”_

“I don’t know...guess so…” said Raleigh.  “Looks like that’s what’s going to end up happening, anyway.”

“ _Mm...think you’re up for it, man?”_

Raleigh let out a small sigh.  “Hey...ready or not…”

“ _Gotta do what you gotta do, huh?”_

“Yeah...exactly,” said Raleigh.

“ _Well listen, man,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _Don’t worry about your house while you’re away.  My folks and I will look after it for you.”_

“Oh.  Thanks, Jay,” said Raleigh.  “I totally forgot about that.”

Jeremy chuckled.  “ _No problem man.  You take care of yourself, all right?”_

“Yeah.”

“ _Any idea when you’ll be coming back home…?”_

“I…” Raleigh trailed off as he frowned.  “You know...I honestly don’t know.  When the Kaiju threat has been completely dealt with, I guess.  Probably.  Most likely.”

“ _I see…”_

Raleigh’s phone beeped in his ear, signaling to him that his battery was dying.  “Hey, Jay!  I have to go man, I’m almost out of juice.  I’m gonna have to charge my phone.”

“ _Yeah, all right,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _Make sure to call me again sometime, yeah?  It doesn’t matter when—day or night.  Feel free to leave me a message if I can’t get my sorry ass up in time to pick up the phone.”_

Raleigh laughed.  “Yeah, all right man.  You got it.”

“ _Oh, and Raleigh?”_

“Yeah, Jay?”

The older man’s voice was soft.  “ _...you come back in one piece, all right?”_

Raleigh half-smiled.  “Yeah, man...I’ll do my best.”

Jeremy sighed.  “ _Fair enough.  Talk to you later.”_

“See you,” Raleigh said before hanging up the phone.  

He sighed and rummaged in his bag for his phone charger.  After he hooked it up, he walked over to his closet and opened it up, smiling a little as he was greeted by the familiar sight of several black, standard-issue Jaeger pilot uniforms.  He changed out of his civilian clothes into one and took mental note that the uniform fit him perfectly.  Apparently the marshal had been expecting him to take him up on his offer, and Raleigh’s body also appeared to have not changed much over the past few years.

Feeling restless, he decided to wander about the Hong Kong Shatterdome, eventually somehow ending up entering its giant mess hall.  He planned to quickly cut through it and go to the other side, but he was quickly intercepted by Herc, who apparently had incredible foresight, because he was carrying two meal trays down some steps, forcing Raleigh to take one.  Herc then ushered Raleigh to the table where he was sitting.  Once they were settled in their seats, Herc introduced his son to Raleigh.

“Raleigh?  This is my son, Chuck,” Herc said as he began jabbing at his food.  “He’s my co-pilot now.”

The young Australian’s eyes flitted briefly toward his father before he turned his attention to Raleigh with a slight sneer.  “He’s more _my_ co-pilot now.  Right, Dad?”

Herc stopped in his motions and a slight blush rose in the older man’s cheeks.  Raleigh stared at Chuck Hansen in slight wonder and mild amusement upon hearing what he recognized as possessiveness in the younger man’s voice.  Raleigh chuckled to himself and returned his attention to his food.

“ _I’m probably reading a little too much into that one,”_ Raleigh thought.  “ _Can’t go around assuming he and the old man have got what Yance and I did, right?”_

Apparently, the young Australian wasn’t done.  “So!  You're the guy, eh?  You're the guy who's going to run defense for me in that old rust bucket of yours?”

Raleigh could feel the tension rolling off of Herc’s body.  The man had completely lost all interest in his food.  Raleigh looked up at Chuck and stabbed at some of his food with his fork.

“That’s the plan,” Raleigh replied, his mouth a little full.

“Hmph,” Chuck snorted as he fed his dog some scraps, clearly unimpressed.  “So, when's the last time you took it, _Ray?_ ”

Raleigh stopped chewing and frowned.  He could feel Herc looking over at him in concern.  

“ _Does he really think my name is Ray?  Or is he just being a little shit?”_ Raleigh wondered before deciding it didn’t matter.

He looked the other man up and down, regarding the other man with a serious expression.  He decided to give the other pilot the benefit of the doubt; that perhaps Herc hadn’t told the young man much at all about him and Yancy.

“About five years ago…” he said softly.

The young man seemed a little remorseful, but it was clear that he was a prideful individual.  “...what 'ave you been doin' for five years?  Something pretty important, I reckon?”

“ _What the fuck is this guy’s problem?”_ Raleigh thought to himself as he stared at Chuck, unamused.  “ _Did I meet him before and kick him hard in the nuts or something?”_

“I was in construction,” Raleigh responded tightly.

The younger man chuckled and responded with dripping sarcasm.  “Oh that’s _great!_  That’s _really_ useful!  You get into a fight?  You can _build_ your way out of it, eh, Ray?”

Raleigh’s lips pressed into a firm line and he sent a mental word of apology to Jeremy back in Alaska.  At one point, he had been a little disappointed that Jeremy decided to stay behind and work in construction instead of joining him, his brother, and Kyle in the PPDC ranks, but after having worked on the Kaiju Wall for close to five-and-a-half years, Raleigh had developed considerable respect for the work.

Raleigh decided that he would be putting Herc’s son in his place.  “It’s _Raleigh_.”

The Australian’s face flushed a slight pink, and for a second Raleigh felt bad for him, because it appeared the younger man had genuinely thought Raleigh’s name was Ray.  The younger pilot frowned.

“Look.  Whatever.  You’re Pentecost’s bright idea...my old man?  He seems to like you...but it's guys like _you_ who brought down the Jaeger Program.  To me?” Chuck said, leaning his body toward Raleigh.  “You're _dead weight_.”

Raleigh’s jaw tightened.  Chuck pushed back his chair, letting its legs obnoxiously scrape against the floor as he stood up.

“You slow me down?” Chuck said as he took his cap from the table and fitted it onto his head.  “I’ll drop you like a sack of _Kaiju shit_.”

The young pilot then clicked his tongue and winked, pointing his fingers toward Raleigh in the shape of a gun.  He then marched away, calling for his dog, who obediently followed.  Raleigh would have laughed if he didn’t find the whole situation so ridiculous.  After his son had gone, Herc cleared his throat and mumbled his apologies.

“You can blame me for that one...raised him on me own,” said Herc.  “Smart kid, but I never knew when to give him a hug or a kick in the ass.”

“With respect, sir,” said Raleigh.  “I’m pretty sure which one he needs.”

He finished his meal and then got up soon after, walking hastily back to his room with a slight frown on his expression.  When Raleigh had responded to Herc, something strange had happened in his mind.  While he did think the words that he spoke, at the same time it had felt odd to him, like the thought had come from another place too, at the same time.  It was like when he and Yancy used to communicate with each other or finish each other’s sentences in the Drift.

“ _But that can’t be right, can it…?”_ Raleigh thought to himself.  “ _That’s impossible.  Yancy’s_ _ **dead**_ …”

The thought bothered him for a few days, but then Raleigh eventually tucked it somewhere in the back of his mind.  The idea would resurface though, on the day he and Mako were assigned as partners and connected to the Drift using Gipsy Danger.  

Raleigh had thought he had gone in with a clear head, but something tugged at him while he and Mako were still stabilizing.  It felt like someone was rummaging through his mind, searching for something, and when he looked over to his left side at Mako, the memory of his last battle with his brother and Knifehead suddenly played before his eyes, but interestingly enough in Yancy’s point of view.  The shock was enough to force them out of alignment.  It took Raleigh a second longer to gather his bearings and search for Mako in the Drift, because for a minute Raleigh is distracted, wondering why in the world it feels like there’s an extra presence other than Mako and Gipsy in his head.

He paced around in the hall angrily later, after he and Mako were disconnected, with those thoughts swirling around his head.  Mako stood close by, watching him silently.  Raleigh was barely focused on the words of Chuck’s outburst in Pentecost’s room, even though the young pilot’s voice can be heard clearly through the metal door.

“...and _he_ went out of phase, too!”

Pentecost sighed in resignation.  “We all know what happened—”

“We _can’t_ afford mistakes like this when the Kaiju out there keep.  Kicking.  Our asses!” Chuck shouted in irritation.  “Look.   _He’s_ a has-been, _she’s_ a rookie.  I don’t want them ‘protecting’ _my_ fun run!”

Herc frowned at his son with disapproval.  “ _Get out there_ , son!”

Chuck huffed at his father before turning to march out of the room.  Pentecost sighed again and spoke calmly.

“You need to watch your tone, Mr. Hansen…”

Herc had one arm on the marshal’s doorframe and yelled at his son’s backside.  “Hey!”

Chuck slowly turned to look at his father.  Herc jabbed a finger angrily at his son.  

“ _Stay there._  Give me a moment…” Herc said, staring hard at his son before shutting the door.

As soon as he did, Chuck turned on his heels toward Raleigh, his breathing somewhat ragged from the adrenaline he was feeling.  Raleigh turned to face Chuck at about the same moment, his eyes narrowing.

“You two are a God damn disgrace!” Chuck said with disgust as he focused his anger on Mako first.  “You’re gonna get us all killed, and here’s the thing... _Rahl-ley_ …”

Raleigh noted that Chuck did his best in trying to pronounce his name.  The younger pilot sneered at the blonde, and Raleigh contemptuously averted his gaze.

“I want to come back from this mission…‘cause I quite like my life,” Chuck said, flicking his fingers against Raleigh's chest to grab the older man’s attention.  “So why don’t _you_...just do us all a favor and _disappear?_ ”

Raleigh looked up at him angrily and Chuck stared evenly into Raleigh’s eyes, swaying a little back and forth on his heels.  He tilted his head slightly to one side.

“It’s the only thing you’re good at.”

“Stop now!” Mako said, taking one step towards Chuck, having lost her temper.

Raleigh held up a hand against her shoulder, holding her back.  The younger pilot chuckled.  

“Yeah...thas'right,” Chuck slurred at Raleigh, whose jaw was tight.  “You just hold back your little girlfriend…one of ya bitches needs a leash.”

Then, for probably the first time in his life, Raleigh threw a punch.  It landed with a satisfying smack against Chuck’s nose, and the younger man’s head jerked back from the impact.  Everything was now happening so fast, Raleigh didn’t have a chance to process, but if he had been given the moment to do so, he might have wondered what on earth came over him.  Raleigh certainly wasn’t a natural fighter.  He was good in a Jaeger, sure, but the whole hot flaring temper and street fighting gig had always been completely and totally his brother.  When Raleigh punched Chuck in the nose, he was vaguely reminded of the time when Yancy had done something similar to Jeremy, years ago.  Ironically, the situation was quite similar.  Back then, Jeremy had something similar about Raleigh to Yancy, which had set his older brother off.  Their other friend Kyle had broken up that fight.

Later on, when things had calmed down and Raleigh had a little time to process what had occurred, he would come to realize some of the similarities that Chuck shared with the way Yancy’s best friend had been when they were younger.  Jeremy had been equally sharp with his words and quick to instigate Yancy into a fist fight.  With Yancy’s memories inside of him, it was quite possible that those similarities were enough to be some sort of trigger, but Raleigh would still wonder if that really had been all it was.

Eventually, Raleigh got the upper hand which was a surprise, especially to himself.  All his life, his brother had pretty much made him dependent on Yancy to be his shield, and yet here he was, with one of Chuck’s arms pinned mercilessly behind the younger man’s back as he screamed out in pain.  Even the anger Raleigh was feeling inside felt foreign to him.  His brows furrowed together when he thought he could hear a voice in his head that sounded vaguely like his brother’s in his head.

“ _Atta boy, that’s the way!  Good kid…”_

Herc storming out of Pentecost’s chambers and yelling at them both broke Raleigh out of his reverie.  The older man’s face was red with anger.

“Ey, ey!  That's _enough!_  What's going on?”

Raleigh shook his head and pulled one last time at Chuck’s arm for good measure before releasing his hold.  Herc was looking at them with great disapproval.

“On your feet!” he shouted.  “Both of ya!”

Both men stood up quickly.  Raleigh looked mostly composed, but Chuck was slightly hunched over, holding the shoulder of his injured arm and seething.  His attempts to rush Raleigh were thwarted when his father intercepted him, and Raleigh couldn’t resist giving the other man a slight smirk before stepping into Pentecost’s office.  

The next time he and Raleigh enter the Shatterdome’s mess hall, they are greeted with unfriendly stares.  They decide to go eat on an observation platform with a clear view of Gipsy Danger in the hangar.  

“I’m sorry…I should've warned you...first Drifts are rough,” Raleigh said, glancing over at Mako as the two of them ate.  “You weren't just tapped into my memories...you were tapped into my brother's too.”

He shook his head and his lips twitched into an apologetic smile.  He dropped his gaze downward as he continued.

“When Yancy was taken...we were still connected,” Raleigh said, swallowing and looking up at Mako.  “I felt his fear...his pain…his helplessness”

He shook his head and looked away.  “And that…?”

He trailed off, shaking his head some more and wetting his lips.  He opened his mouth to say something else, and then at the last minute he changed his mind.

“Then he was gone,” Raleigh settled for saying.

“I felt it…” Mako said softly.  “I know.”

Raleigh looked down and laughed a little, suddenly becoming preoccupied with his hands.  It was a silly thing to be upset over, Mako knowing—after all, they had just connected together in the Drift.  That kind of thing came with the territory.  Still, a small part of Raleigh hoped that Mako wouldn’t pry too deeply into his memories and let him keep them to himself, as he considered anything regarding his brother to be very precious to him.

“Y'know...you live in someone else's head for so long, the hardest part to deal with is the silence...” Raleigh said quietly before looking into Mako’s eyes.  “To let _someone else_ in...to _really_ connect...you _have_ to _trust_ them.”

“ _To both share in your memories, and to know when to let alone and leave things private,”_ Raleigh thought to himself, finishing the rest of his thought in his mind.

Mako gave him a small smile.  It was unclear whether or not Raleigh’s wishes translated across.  He decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and gave her a small smile back.

“And today,” he continued.  “The Drift was strong…”

Mako turned her attention to Gipsy then.  Raleigh looked up and followed her gaze.

“Her heart,” she said softly, seemingly changing the subject.  “...when’s the last time you saw it?”

The smile on Raleigh’s face grew a little.  Had he not been paying attention, he might have missed the double-meaning behind Mako’s words, given away by the way she said them.  She was subtly implying that she would pretend to know nothing more than the fact that he had once piloted Gipsy Danger and then practically fell off the face of the earth after his brother’s passing.  He could trust her to not dig in his mind for anything he did not want to make known.  She understood.  

Raleigh leaned back and made a mental vow to her that he would be doing the same.  He stared into the warm glow of Gipsy Danger’s core as Shatterdome technicians were busy performing maintenance on it.

He replied to her in a quiet voice.  “Mm...long time.”

After that, everything around Raleigh progressed rather quickly.  He and Mako were initially suspended from service due to their earlier blunder in the Drift, but were eventually deployed because the Hansen men had gotten themselves into trouble.  Shortly after rescuing the Striker Eureka team, they were once again sent on their way to respond to an even bigger Kaiju threat at the bottom of the ocean, right at the source.  With Herc’s arm injured, Marshal Pentecost became Chuck’s new co-pilot, and soon both Team Striker and Team Gipsy were on their way to the mouth of the breach.

Unfortunately, both teams were overwhelmed by extremely strong Kaiju, and the Australian Jaeger took a great deal of damage.  As a result, Raleigh became faced with a familiar choice.  He could go against Pentecost’s orders and try to save Team Striker and take the risk of being unable to complete the mission, or he could sacrifice the lives of two individuals for the sake of many.  This time, Raleigh chose not to go against his superior’s orders, and though a small part of him felt guilty for making his choice, he leaned on his brother’s memory to give him the strength to carry on.  Back then, he may have saved the boat, but he lost Yancy.  This time, Raleigh knew that if he didn’t agree to detonate Gipsy Danger from within the breach, the consequences would be much greater.  All the same, he did his best to ignore the sound of white noise that blared through the Jaeger’s communication system overhead, which coupled with the debris that rushed at the Jaeger to confirm that the marshal and Herc’s only son were now dead.

In the last moments, just shortly after Raleigh had given Mako some oxygen and sent her off to safety in an escape pod, Raleigh found himself talking to Yancy.  Even as he discovered he would be forced to detonate his Jaeger with less than a minute left on the clock, Raleigh didn’t panic.  In some ways, he was more than ready to die.

“ _I'll always have you in the Drift, I know,”_ Raleigh thought to himself as he unhooked himself from his connections, barely hearing the frantic words of his comrades coming through the overhead speakers.  “ _But if I destroy Gipsy...then I guess this is it, huh?  Once she goes, I wonder how much of you I’m going to lose...”_

Discovering he would have to perform a manual override, Raleigh ran over to a hatch that he would have to flip open to activate it.  He chuckled when he heard Tendo yell at him frantically, and he responded and let the man know that everything was going to be all right.  For a minute, he doesn’t think about escaping, but then he feels that same odd pull in the back of his mind.

“ _I don’t know what you’re thinking, kid, but you’d better get out of there!  Now, now,_ _ **now!**_ ”

Then, before Raleigh can process what he just heard, his body moves on auto-pilot.  Soon his body is thrown up into an escape pod, shooting out of the Jaeger just seconds before it explodes.  

Raleigh lost consciousness from the sheer impact of the blast that pushes up against his vessel, rushing him upward at an incredible speed.  For a minute, he’s pretty sure he is dead.

The smiling face of his mother greeted him the first time he opened his eyes.  Raleigh frowned at her in confusion.

“...Mom?” he asked softly.

“That’s right, honey,” his mother said as she leaned forward to ruffle his hair.  “My...you've really grown up, haven't you? It’s really good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you too, Mom…” Raleigh said, eyes still furrowed together.  “But I’m not sure I understand…”

“That’s all right, sweetie,” said his mother.  “Don’t think about what’s going on here right now too hard now; it won’t matter in a minute.  It isn’t time for you yet, Raleigh.”

“Not time?” Raleigh asked, shaking his head.  “I don’t get it, Mom...what do you mean?  Where’s Yancy?”

He didn’t know why he asked that last question, but he had an odd feeling that his mother would know the answer, so he had to ask.  She offered him a warm smile in response.

“He’s not here, Raleigh,” his mother said as she pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.  “It isn’t time for Yancy yet, either.”

Before Raleigh could ask her what she meant by that, he wakes for a second time.  This time when he opened his eyes, he found himself in Mako’s tight grasp.  Part of him wondered if what he had just seen was a hallucination.

He knew he was in reality because the woman before him felt solid, but then again, his mother had felt solid just seconds before too.  He continued to wonder over his mother’s words after confirming for everyone else that he was indeed all right.  He thought about it even as he and Mako were rescued and being transported back to the Shatterdome in Hong Kong.

“ _It isn’t time for you yet, Raleigh.  It isn’t time for Yancy yet, either.”_


	2. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a pretty dark chapter, BUT I promise that the major thing that happens here will pretty much resolve itself next chapter. By the way, totally fabricated a hospital name and stuck in a couple more OCs. Unlike Jeremy and Kyle though, they're only meant to progress the story along. Unless readers actually want to see more of them, the plan is to just toss them out after they've served their purpose, lol. Just as a heads up. Also, this chapter pretty much parallels the first, it's just kind of meant to fill in the gaps and answer the questions that I'm assuming readers have revolving around Yancy.
> 
> Anyway, thanks to all readers providing their continued support. I cannot get these updates done at the speed I'm doing them right now without your help!

When Yancy first opened his eyes, they were assaulted by the brightness of the room he was in.  Just before waking, he had been dreaming of turbulence.  He had been submerged in water, tumbling wildly for what seemed like forever.  Then his head had hit something, and it had caused him to black out.  

There was a nurse standing beside him, observing his monitors and taking some notes.  When one of the monitors began beeping incessantly, the nurse’s face came into the the blonde’s view as she hovered over his face.

“You’re finally awake!” she whispered excitedly.  “Oh this is good!  You just stay with us, sir!  I’m going to go and get the doctor.”

Yancy’s eyebrows furrowed together and he looked at the woman in confusion.  He had questions he wanted to ask, but didn’t know where to start.  The nurse smiled kindly at him and gave his arm a gentle squeeze before quickly making her way out of the room.

Roughly four years earlier, the young man had washed up onto some rocks and a couple who had been on a nature hike had happened to find him.  He had been bleeding from the head and the couple had mistaken the uniform he was wearing to be some kind of diver’s suit.  They had extricated him from his metal casing and called for some help.  

By the time he got to the hospital, they had cut the rest of his outwear away so that they could treat him, and placed him in a hospital gown.  One of the nurses took the dog tags from around his neck and handed them to a doctor who, after reading the name on them, decided that they were just PPDC fan memorabilia and that there was no need to call the agency because this was not one of their pilots.  It was not uncommon for civilians of any age group to be carrying around tokens that were of homage to a Jaeger pilot, and everyone knew that Raleigh Becket was the name of the pilot who had somehow managed to survive the latest Kaiju threat.  The doctor handed the tags to a nurse and instructed her to set it aside for safekeeping; they would return it to their John Doe if he were ever to wake from his coma.

While he was unconscious, aside from the dreams of himself fighting for his life, he had seen occasional glimpses of the face of another man.   He didn’t know who the other blonde was; all he had was the sense of familiarity that he felt every time he saw the other man’s face, and something in the back of his mind kept telling him that he really _should_ know.  

What had finally caused him to wake up was the screaming.  It wasn’t his voice, it was the other man, crying out in distress.  Perhaps from the dreams.  They terrified him too.  Yancy didn’t know how he knew he was feeling the other man’s pain and anguish, or how that made sense, but something in his gut reassured him that it wasn’t all as crazy as it sounded.  Unfortunately for him, the doctor who was treating him didn’t seem to agree.

“Sir, do you know where you are?”

That had been the doctor’s first question to him after Yancy had undergone through a long period of extensive rehabilitation, and he was finally able to speak.   _No_ , Yancy had answered.  He did not know where he was.  Where was he?  In a hospital?  Oh.  Okay.  Did he know his name?  No, he did not.  The doctor’s expression grew darker with each answer Yancy gave in the negative to his questions, no doubt concerned about how he would get paid if Yancy didn’t know who he was, whether or not he even had family, and what he had been doing before that had caused him to be found somehow randomly washed ashore amid some rocks.  It appeared he was suffering from some form of amnesia, though whether it was permanent or temporary, at the moment it was hard for the doctor to say.

The doctor’s pen hovered over his clipboard as he asked his last question.  He nodded over to the nurse, who handed over to Yancy the dog tags that had been found hanging around his neck when he first came to the hospital.  Yancy stared at the object in his hands and observed them, flipping them around in his fingers.

“This was found in your possession upon your arrival at this hospital,” the doctor explained.  “Does it perhaps trigger any sort of memories for you?”

Yancy didn’t respond at first, and he continued to stare intently at the tags.  He stopped turning them over for a minute, and took a closer look at the lettering.  

“Raleigh...Becket?” Yancy whispered, mostly to himself, but the doctor heard him and nodded.

“Yes, that’s right,” said the doctor.  “He’s a—”

“I know him,” Yancy said, cutting the doctor off.

The man raised an eyebrow at him in surprise.  “You do…?”

“Yeah…at least, I think I do...” Yancy said, nodding with a slight frown on his face before looking up at the doctor.  “I think that’s the name of the guy whose voice is inside my head.”

He regretted the words as soon as he said them and clamped his mouth shut, but it was too late.  The doctor frowned and he and the nurse exchanged glances.  

“You hear voices, sir?” the doctor asked.

The man was giving him a rather sympathetic expression now, and Yancy felt himself break out into a sweat.  The voice was normal, he wanted to reassure them; he wasn’t crazy, not like he was pretty sure they were starting to think he was.  He just didn’t know how to explain _how_ he knew that to be true, much less explain it to them.

Yancy shook his head.  “No.  Not _voices_...just _a_ voice.   _One_.  I think his name is Raleigh, and I’m pretty sure that I know him.”

“Now, sir...calm down.  There’s no need to get so excited,” the doctor replied.  “I believe you.”

“You...you do?” Yancy asked as he relaxed his shoulders lightly, thinking perhaps he had been about to worry over nothing after all.

“Yes...I do,” the doctor said slowly before turning to the nurse.  “Ms. Sonya...would you please step out with me for a moment?”

The woman whom the doctor had addressed as Sonya nodded.  “Yes, absolutely, doctor!”

“We’ll be right back…” the doctor said to Yancy with a tight smile before walking out of the room with the nurse.

Yancy leaned more into his hospital bed.  Outside his door, the doctor and nurse were discussing his condition.

The doctor rubbed at his forehead, perplexed.  “Well...you saw the same thing I did...what do you make of it?”

Sonya gave him a slight shrug as she responded.  “Honestly sir...I don’t know.”

“Well, it does seem clear that he’s at least suffering from a case of amnesia,” the doctor said with a sigh.  “I suppose that’s to be expected after five years.  Although, it’s the other part that troubles me…”

“You were hoping he’d remember something when he looked at the tags?” Sonya asked.

“Yes,” the doctor said, nodding.  “And it’s perfectly normal for a patient to try and fill in the gaps with something when they can’t remember, but...it didn’t really seem to help, in this case.”

“You think he’s delusional?”

“I think we _can’t say for sure_ ,” said the doctor.  “However, it does concern me that he’s saying he’s hearing a voice inside his head.  Without any kind of medical history, there’s no knowing if he’s needed psychiatric treatment before, or if this is a new development from his previous head trauma...”

Sonya nodded.  “So what would you like us to do about him, Dr. Bradley?”

“Keep an eye on him for now,” said the doctor.  “He may need to be admitted to the psychiatric floor.  In the meantime, we should be following standard protocol for patients of his type.”

“Yes, sir,” said Sonya.  “I’ll let the rest of the staff assigned to his case know.”

Dr. Bradley gave her a curt nod before continuing on his way to his next patient.  “Thank you.”

Over the course of the next few months Yancy became too preoccupied with the rehabilitation he was subjected to that he didn’t really pay too much attention to the voice in his mind.  It was after things had slowed and settled down that Yancy began hearing the man in his head all over again.  Right around that time was when Raleigh had been re-enlisted by Marshal Pentecost as a Jaeger pilot.

Yancy had taken on the name of Johann at some point during his hospital stay.  That had come about when one of the nurses that he had become comfortable around, Sonya—he called her Sunny—had suggested that he try to think about what his name might have been.  It was for the posters the hospital was going to circulate to the general public for a certain period of time, to see if anyone would claim to know him.  After thinking over it for a couple of days, he had come to her with the name Johann Beck.

“Johann Beck?” Sonya said to him when he handed her the slip of paper that he had written the name on, mildly amused.  “That’s got a bit of a fancy ring to it.  Were you inspired by the composer?”

Yancy tilted his head to one side.  “There’s someone out there with the name?”

“Not exactly,” said Sonya.  “It just sounds similar to the name of a famous German composer, Johann Sebastian Bach.”

“Oh.  No,” said Yancy, shaking his head.  “I was just trying to think of names that either started with the letter ‘y’ or had a ‘y’ sound to it.  It sounds familiar to me, somehow.”

Sonya nodded.  “Okay.  That’s a start at least.  And the Beck?”

Yancy fingered at the dog tags he never took off from his neck and held it up to her.  “Short from Becket.”

Sonya shook her head and gave him a small smile.  “You really take hero-worship to another level, don’t you?”

Yancy frowned slightly.  “Pardon?”

“Doctor thinks you were a huge fan of the Jaegers before you lost your memory,” said Sonya.  “It’s all right.  A lot of people are, across all ages, so don’t worry.  It’s interesting though...”

Yancy looked at her curiously.  “What is?”

Sonya laughed airily.  “That you can come up with a German name and yet have no recollection of ever learning the language or prominent people from that culture’s history.”

Yancy shrugged.  “Is it really that unusual?”

“No, I suppose not,” Sonya said, thoughtfully.  “Honestly, I’m no expert when it comes to patients with gaps in their memory...I suppose it’s quite possible you can remember some things you’ve learned in the past and not others.  Perhaps at some point you learned about the name Johann and just liked enough to tuck it away somewhere.”

“Maybe it’s because it’s close to whatever my name really is,” said Yancy.

Sonya nodded.  “Could be.”

She folded the piece of paper into her pocket and then smiled at Yancy.  The blonde raised an eyebrow when the nurse held out her hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Johann,” Sonya said with a small laugh.  “Now that you actually have a name for me to call you from now on.”

The corners of Yancy’s lips twitched upward.  He took the nurse’s hand and shook it.

“Same to you, Sunny.”

The nurse put a hand on her hips.  “Okay.  Now...let’s see if we can get you to do some exercises with the therapist while I go and type up your flyer.”

Yancy nodded.  “Sounds good to me.”

The nurse escorted him to where he usually met with his physical therapist before leaving him to tend to her other assignment.  When she returned a couple hours later, it was with a paper in hand.  She showed it to Yancy on their way back to his hospital room.

“Well?  What do you think?” she asked.

Yancy looked down at the paper and read select parts of the text.  “ _Caucasian male...six feet...thinks his name could either be Johann Beck or something that sounds similar...currently being treated at Pacific Coast Hospital in Anchorage…_ ”

He looked up after eyeing the picture on the page and frowned.  Sonya tilted her head to one side.

“What’s wrong?  What is it?” she asked.

“You really think someone out there will find me?” Yancy asked with uncertainty.

Sonya half-smiled.  “I won’t lie to you—it’s hard to say.  These things don’t always work.”

“Yeah, I figured…” Yancy said, looking down once more at the page.  “This guy in the picture doesn’t even look like me.”

“What?” Sonya said, glancing over at the photo printed on the paper.  “It sure looks like an accurate representation to me.”

“Of how I look _right now_ ,” Yancy said, shaking his head.  “Without all the muscle mass I probably had…”

Sonya looked up at the blonde with a contemplative expression.  “Is it possible you might be remembering a little bit…?  How you were?”

Yancy sighed and shook his head.  “Honestly…?  I don’t know.  Sometimes though...sometimes I think I do.”

They both entered Yancy’s hospital room.  Sonya nodded.

“Take your time,” she said.

Yancy walked over to his bed and sat down on it.  “You know...could I be truthful with you for a minute?”

Sonya nodded.  “Sure.  Go ahead.  Anything.”

“It’s about how I think I know what I must have looked like before,” said Yancy.

“Oh, all right,” said Sonya.  “Hey...just a minute.”

She turned around and gently shut the door behind her.  Afterward, she looked back at Yancy.

“Okay, go on.”

Yancy pinched fingers along the bridge of his nose and hung his head a little.  “It’s because sometimes I see it.  I don’t know if he’s aware that he’s showing me or not...but I see things sometimes.”

Sonya half-smiled.  “You’re still hearing the voices, then?”

“Just the one,” Yancy said, shaking his head.  “There aren’t others.”

“Ah...right,” said Sonya.

Yancy sighed and looked up at her.  “You must think I’m bat-shit crazy, don’t you?”

The nurse blinked at first, a little shocked by Yancy’s choice of words.  She recovered quickly though and shook her head.

“No...I wouldn’t say that you're _crazy_ ,” Sonya said, carefully.  “I just think you’re a little confused, is all.  Anyway...is that all you wanted to tell me?”

Yancy gave her a small smile and nodded.  “Yeah...sorry to bother you.”

“No, no bother,” Sonya said as she walked back to the door.  “I’ll leave you to rest now, Mr. Beck.”

“Call me Johann.”

“Sure,” Sonya said, nodding.  “Just promise me one thing, please?”

“And what’s that?” Yancy asked.

“Try your best to avoid talking about the voice around the doctor and other nurses, all right?” said Sonya.

Yancy sighed and nodded.  “Yeah...I guess that probably would be for the best.”

“I would have to agree with that supposition,” said Sonya.  “You can trust me to keep your secret though.”

Yancy smiled.  “Thanks, Sunny.  I appreciate that.”

Sonya smiled then.  “Then I hope you have a good night.”

“Thank you,” said Yancy.  “Don’t work too hard.”

Sonya laughed.  “I’ll try not to.”

She then stepped out of Yancy’s room and closed the door behind her before going to where she kept her patient logs.  She opened up the file containing information regarding Yancy.  She wrote in her progress notes that he was steadily improving in his therapy.  She kept any details about his mental condition vague.  She wrote that her patient believed he had recalled some things about his name that day, as opposed to he remembered them, and then proceeded to attribute those memories to the voice he was hearing in his mind.  Never before had she lied on such a report, but there was something inside of her—perhaps her womanly intuition—that told her that something didn’t quite add up.  Sonya knew that if she were caught, she would most likely lose her job, _especially_ if it turned out that Yancy was a patient that seriously needed treatment.  However, she had personally experienced what it was like to see someone misdiagnosed with a psychological disorder, and the resulting consequences that followed from taking medication that they never needed in the first place in the long run.  She didn’t know why, but Yancy somehow reminded her of that person.

Dr. Bradley looked at her skeptically when he looked over the notes in Sonya’s report early the next day.  “And you’re _positive_ he’s showing nothing else other than improvement?”

“Yes,” Sonya replied confidently, nodding.  “I am most certain.”

The doctor let out a small sigh and nodded at her in resignation.  “All right, very well...you _are_ the one that’s been keeping the closest eye on him.  I just happen to find it all a little hard to believe.”

Sonya looked at the man questioningly.  “Doctor?”

Dr.  Bradley flipped casually through the notes in the file.  “It’s just strange.  At first he insists on the fact that he’s been hearing a voice, and then all of a sudden those claims just stop, cold turkey.”

Sonya did her best to keep her expression neutral.  The doctor looked up at her inquisitively.

“If I didn’t know any better…” he said quietly.  “Either he’s getting _smarter_...or he’s being _coached_ by someone…”

Sonya’s expression tightened slightly.  “...perhaps the voice was just an initial coping mechanism for him, doctor.”

Dr. Bradley raised an eyebrow.  “Oh?”

Sonya did her best to keep her voice even.  “When he woke up, he was in a state of confusion, and understandably so, given how long he had been comatose.”

The doctor leaned forward against his desk, pressing his lips to his hands, which were steepled together.  “Go on…”

“I’m merely suggesting that perhaps the patient was using ‘the voice’ as a means to sort some things out for himself,” said Sonya.  “Once he came to a position where he no longer felt the need to be grasping at straws, then perhaps the voice became irrelevant.”

“An interesting theory, I must say,” the doctor said, chuckling.  “Ms. Sonya...were you ever, at any time, a medical student?”

Sonya frowned.  “I went to nursing school and completed it, if that’s what you mean.”

“No,” Dr. Bradley said, shaking his head.  “I meant medical school.  To become a doctor.”

“Then no.”

Dr. Bradley nodded.  “And have you ever taken any classes where mental health topics were extensively covered?”

Sonya gently bit down on the inside of her cheek before responding.  “No...I can’t say that I have.”

“Then _Ms. Sonya_ …” Dr. Bradley said, slowly lowering his hands.  “I suggest you do your job as a nurse and _assist_ , not speculate.  Let the doctors do their job.”

A small blush rose in her cheeks and Sonya nodded.  “Yes, doctor.”

“Very good,” Dr. Bradley said with a curt nod as he waved her away.  “You’re free to go, Ms. Sonya.”

“Thank you,” Sonya said before leaving her superior’s office.  

From that point, the day progressed for her as usual.  Sonya had her usual small talk with Yancy at various points throughout the day before going home just before the nighttime shift.  This routine went on for many days.  Then one morning she arrived at work, and everything changed.

Sonya knew something was wrong immediately when she entered Yancy’s room that day and the man was fast asleep on his hospital bed.  Judging from the IV that was embedded in his arm, Sonya was assuming he had been sedated.  There was also another nurse in the room with him when they shouldn’t have been—she was the only one assigned to him that morning, she was sure of it because she had checked the schedule the afternoon of the previous day, before she left.

She raised an eyebrow at her co-worker.  “Amy…!  Good to see you this morning…”

Her fellow nurse nodded.  “Hey there, Sonya!  Good morning!”

“Well, what’s going on?” Sonya asked, doing her best to sound casual while looking between Yancy’s sleeping form and the other nurse.

“Oh, apparently we should have seen him last night,” Amy said, frowning.  “Supposedly he was hollering and screaming, thrashing about.  Caused quite a disturbance last night, I heard.”

Sonya felt her throat go dry.  “You weren’t here then?  You didn’t actually see what happened?”

Her co-worker shook her head.  “I just got to work not too long ago and found out I was assigned to this shift.”

“You were?” Sonya asked.  “I thought I was…”

“Oh no, you still are,” Amy said, nodding.  “The shift’s were all just rearranged so that there are two people assigned to him at all times, just for now.  Dr. Bradley is concerned.”

“Oh, he’s _concerned_ my little ass!” Sonya muttered to herself.

Amy looked at her questioningly.  “Huh?  Sorry, did you say something Sonya?  I didn’t really hear that.”

“Ah!  I was only saying this is already turning out to be a really crazy morning,” Sonya said with a tight smile.

Amy laughed.  “Oh, I know, right?  Listen though…”

Sonya’s co-worker gave her a slight shrug as she pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from one of her pockets.  She gave Sonya a small, sheepish smile.

“You mind if I…?”

“Oh!  No, go ahead, please!” Sonya said, nodding.  “Don’t worry about me here—I’ll be more than happy to cover for you.”

“Thanks, girl!  I knew I could count on you,” said Amy.  “Oh, and if Dr. Bradley asks…”

Sonya nodded.  “Don’t worry.  I’ll let him know you went to the ladies room or something.”

Amy smiled at her.  “You’re the best.”

“Don’t feel like you need to rush,” said Sonya.  “Just shut the door for me on your way out?”

“Sure thing!”

Sonya sighed and turned her attention to Yancy after the other nurse had left the room.  She wrung her hands with worry while speculating over what could have possibly happened while she was away.  After a few minutes, Yancy began to stir.  When his eyes fluttered open, he shifted his head over into her direction.

“Nn...Sunny?”

She was at his side in seconds.  Her hands gripped on the railing of his hospital bed.

“Johann!” she whispered urgently.  “What happened last night?”

Yancy frowned and groaned as he tried to push himself up into a sitting position.  He rubbed at an eye with the palm of one of his hands.

“Nngh...last night?” he said, somewhat uncertainly.  “I don’t…”

Sonya shook her head.  “They sedated you!  Something _must have_ happened!”

Yancy leaned back into his mattress and let out a long sigh.  “Shoot...let me think for a minute…”

Sonya nodded.  “All right...but please try to remember.”

“Yeah, all right.  Okay…” Yancy said as he closed his eyes and his brows furrowed together in concentration.  “...hm...I remember waking up from a really bad nightmare last night.”

“Do you remember what you did?” Sonya asked.  “The nurse who was in here before said that she had heard you had cried out, or something like that.  She wasn’t there last night though, so it’s possible that hadn’t happened at all.”

Yancy frowned as he thought for a moment.  “Ah...no...I think that _did_ happen…”

He half-smiled at Sonya and gave her a somewhat helpless shrug.  “I’m sorry, Sunny...I think I might have screwed up last night.”

“It’s okay…!” Sonya said as reassuringly as she could while shaking her head.  “What was the dream about?  Do you remember?”

“Hm...I’m not sure if I recall all the details,” said Yancy.

Sonya shook her head some more.  “It doesn’t matter.  Tell me what it was.  It may be a clue to your past or something.”

Yancy shrugged.  “Honestly, I don’t know...I was suffocating.”

“Suffocating?”

“ _Drowning_ ,” Yancy amended.

Sonya’s eyes lit up.  “Oh!  Is that so?  That might be good…!”

Yancy frowned.  “It would?”

Sonya nodded.  “Yes, it would.  I’m not sure if anyone ever took the time to tell you this, but...when you were first brought here, the couple who had found you had said that you had been washed up upon some rocks…”

“So you think it’s possible I could have fallen off a boat or something,” said Yancy.

Sonya nodded.  “Yes.  I think so.”

“Well, I guess that wouldn’t be too far off…” Yancy said uncertainly.  “Except…”

“Except?”

“There was a huge beast in my dream too,” Yancy said with a slight frown.  “And another man.  I think it was Raleigh.”

“The man whose voice you think you’ve been hearing?”

Yancy nodded.  “Yeah...that’s the one.  Anyway, I think I screwed up last night, Sunny...I think I might have accidentally told someone about the voice inside my head again.  I can’t remember who though...they knocked me out real quick with something.”

Sonya blanched and took hold of one of Yancy’s wrists.  “Listen, Johann…”

“...yeah?”

“There’s a chance the doctor may try to prescribe you some medication, okay?” said Sonya.  “Some really strong stuff.”

Yancy frowned.  “And why would he do that?”

Sonya bit her lip.  

“I can’t say for sure, but I think the doctor’s been waiting on an opportunity like this for a while,” she said while shaking her head.  “He’s convinced you have a problem that needs to be taken care of.”

Yancy looked at her then, somewhat helplessly.  “Do _you_ think I’m crazy, Sunny?”

“Honestly?  No.  No, I don’t,” Sonya said, shaking her head.  “Not at all, Johann.  I just think you’re a little lost, that’s all…”

“...and I think you’ve lost sight of your professional duties and have become a little _too attached_ to our patient, Ms. Sonya.”

Yancy’s head snapped up and Sonya whirled around to look behind her, equally startled.  There Dr. Bradley was, with a serious expression on his face and his hands clasped behind his back.  The doctor tilted his head slightly towards the door.

“If I may have a word with you in my office...Ms. Sonya?”

“Remember what I said,” Sonya whispered to Yancy quickly.  “Don’t take anything unless _you_ think you need to.”

Yancy gave her the barest of nods so that only she would know that he understood.  Meanwhile, the doctor tapped his foot impatiently.

“ _Now_ , Ms. Sonya!”

“Y-yes, doctor!” Sonya said as she hurried to follow the doctor.

She cast one last look over her shoulder at Yancy.  The blonde felt his heart sink as soon as she and the doctor went out the door, closing his door shut behind them with a dull thud.  In the pit of his stomach, as strange as the feeling was, Yancy had the sense that the last look Sonya had given him was the last he’d ever see of her.  It had felt as if she were saying goodbye.

His fears were confirmed when he asked one of the nurses a few days later where Sonya was, and he was informed that she had been transferred to a different hospital.  “Let go,” was more likely though, Yancy decided.  He couldn’t help feeling that he was partially to blame for what had happened.

Sure enough, as Sonya had predicted, the doctor began to prescribe for him medications to take.  He was also transferred to a different floor of the hospital.  He was now confined in an isolation room, and was required to take a certain dosage of medications a day.  At first, he takes Sonya’s advice and only pretends to take the medication.

On one particular day, Yancy is on his bed and spaces out while staring at the ceiling.  In his unfocused state, he begins to hear vague bits and pieces of a conversation.  When he closes his eyes, it’s like he _sees_.

_Someone.  A young man that Yancy didn’t recognize, who had a bit of an accent.  He was saying something to him.  Some cheeky words that rubbed him the wrong way._

Yancy frowned.  A question is asked.

“ _...I never knew when to give him a hug or a kick in the ass.”_

Yancy folded his hands over his chest and snorted as he thought to himself.  “ _Well, I’m pretty sure which one the kid needs.”_

He frowned after thinking it though.  He sat up and rubbed at his face.  Perhaps it was because he was in isolation now, but the voice was starting to feel more real with each passing day.  It was times like this where he wished he still had Sonya to talk to.  Yancy found that he wasn’t able to trust any of the other nurses as much as he had trusted her.

In a brief lapse of judgment, and also because he was beginning to doubt himself, Yancy’s curiosity got the better of him that evening and he decided to take the medication he was given for real.  That night he ended up feeling very ill, and when he recovered from the sedative, he offered up a mental apology to Sonya and vowed to never take the pills ever again.

A few days later, he felt the sensation as if something was opening in the back of his mind.  It’s like a flood.  When it happened, Yancy found himself closing his eyes and concentrating.  This was important somehow, he knew.  He couldn’t explain it to himself, but he had just been given an opening, and he had limited time to take advantage of the window.  Yancy didn’t know for sure whether or not he had found the key leading back to his memories, but something internally told him that he had.  

Somehow, Yancy found himself in what he could only describe as a “sea of memories.”  He felt a part of him hesitate, because something told him he wasn’t supposed to dig too deep.  However, there was another part of him that knew that now was his chance, and that it was highly possible he would not be given such an opportunity again, so it would be wise for him to take advantage while he could.  So he latched on to the first memory that stood out to him, and that was the one that seemed to correlate with his one recurring nightmare.

For a second he got to see himself inside something that looked like a cockpit.  The familiar face of the blonde he had come to recognize as Raleigh appeared before him, and Yancy couldn’t help but admire the younger man’s face for a moment.  Distracted by this, Yancy was unprepared for the sharp pang of distress that seemed to thunder through his mind, ultimately throwing him out of his reverie.  

Exhausted, Yancy took a minute before he noticed the second wave of distress, coming through to his mind.  Yancy frowned as he suddenly recalled certain scenes that his brain seemed to be insisting that he recognize.

 _He was in the woods with three other boys.  One looked like a younger version of the man he always senses in his mind._ The other two were faces that should have been familiar, but Yancy didn’t know why.  One in particular, the brunette with hazel eyes, brought out an odd feeling of nostalgia that Yancy wasn’t entirely sure he liked.  For some reason, seeing that boy’s face made him want to cry.   _The one with black hair said something, a slur about the blonde standing next to him._ In the memory, Yancy felt himself rush forward.   _A quick jab to the nose.  A solid kick to the gut.  Two boys sprawled out on the forest floor, groaning._  

Then suddenly, the agitated feeling inside Yancy settled.  Whatever it was that had caused those feelings of restlessness within him, it had passed.   

It felt like another few days had gone by, when in reality it had only been a few hours—it was difficult for Yancy to keep time in his room of isolation.  When suddenly, Yancy was overwhelmed with panic.  Upon sensing that the voice inside his head wanted to _give up_ , Yancy bolted out from his bed, ran to the other side of the room, and started banging on the door.

“I have to go to him!” he shouted.  “Let me out!”

The flurry of thoughts that swirled through his mind were just as frantic.  “ _I don’t know what you’re thinking, kid, but you’d better get out of there!  Now, now,_ _ **now!**_ ”

Then suddenly, the world for him became still, and Yancy found himself crumpling on the floor, screaming at the top of his lungs.  In the back of his mind, he knew that he should have more control, but he just felt like something had been mercilessly ripped out of his skull, and the empty space that was left behind was _devastating_ , and the _silence_ was _deafening_.

His mind barely registered it when a team of nurses came in and picked him up off the floor.  A needle is stuck into his arm, and for once Yancy was grateful, because he actually was a little desperate for sleep, just so he didn’t have to _feel_ the heavy burden of what he had just lost.  
  
Just before he lost consciousness, however, there came through a surge.  The void that was there before suddenly became filled, and Yancy felt the comforting presence once again settle into his mind.  He wanted to stay awake now for it, but the sedatives were beginning to do their work.  As Yancy’s eyes began to close, a single tear of relief escaped from one of them, sliding slowly down the side of his face.


	3. Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm learning how much of a pain AO3 can be sometimes with italics...for some reason for some of my italics, it smushes together with another word...sigh. I try to catch them all, but sometimes I miss quite a bit. Please forgive me! Hope you all enjoy the update!

The war was over.  They’d stopped the clock.  Coming home should have been more exciting than it was.

Jeremy Daniels, of course, was waiting for Raleigh at the airport in Anchorage, ready to welcome the pilot back home from his mission in Hong Kong.  Raleigh had chuckled when Jeremy spotted him right away and pulled him into a tight hug.  If Raleigh were to be honest, it really felt an awful lot like a father greeting his son.

Raleigh gave his brother’s friend a firm pat on the back before pulling away and smirking at him.  “You’re getting sentimental and old on me, man.”

“Aw, give me a break,” Jeremy said, chuckling.  “I’m _thirty_ now, Raleigh.  I _am_ old.”

Raleigh laughed.  “Yeah…I guess you are.”

His expression darkened when the brief thought crosses his mind that his brother would have been thirty too, if he were still alive that day.  Jeremy clapped a hand on his shoulder and brought him out of his somber thoughts.  

“Ready to go home?” Jeremy asked.

Raleigh almost didn’t respond; he thought that perhaps it was a rhetorical question.  Of course, then he remembered Jeremy was never really that type—he always had been a little different in that way from his brother and Kyle—so Raleigh gave the older man a slight shrug and gave his answer.

“As I’ll ever be.”

Jeremy half-smiled and tilted his head toward his truck.  “Come on, man...let’s get going.”

The ride home for them wasn’t tense, but they weren’t exactly joking around either.  Raleigh leaned his head against the doorframe and stared blankly ahead at the road while Jeremy was smoking his favorite brand of cigarettes, just like any other day.  

As they drew closer to Raleigh’s house, Jeremy cleared his throat.  “You know...I think jobs are still going to come in at a pretty healthy rate for a while.  Even though the Kaiju problem’s all dealt with...there’s still a lot of repairs to be done.”

“Don’t worry, man,” said Raleigh.  “Any job you and your dad want me to jump in on, don’t hesitate to let me know.”

Jeremy nodded.  “Yeah...cool.”

He pulled his truck into Raleigh’s driveway.  Raleigh looked up at his house and sighed.  Jeremy turned his head and looked at the blonde.

“You know...you could always move back into my place if you want to.”

Raleigh shook his head.  “Nah...I’ll be alright, Jay.  Thanks though.”

“Anytime, man,” said Jeremy.  “Feel free to come over whenever.”

“Yeah, I’ll give you a call,” Raleigh said as he began to unbuckle himself from his seat.  “Thanks for the ride.”

“You bet.”

Raleigh gathered his things and then hopped out of Jeremy’s truck.  He walked onto his front porch before turning around and giving his brother’s friend a wave.  Jeremy held his hand out his open window and leaned out of it a little.

“Hey, Raleigh…!  I’m serious!  You need anything, you call me, all right?” Jeremy hollered.

Raleigh gave the other man a small smile and a thumbs up.  “You got it, man.”

Jeremy nodded and then started his car.  Raleigh watched until the other man turned a corner and was out of sight before he walked into his house.

He took in a deep breath after shutting the door behind him.  For the first time since the war, he was finally forced to notice how quiet it was.  Even up until just a day ago, the ongoing Kaiju threat had been there as the perfect distraction and excuse for Raleigh to stay away from home, whether it be to work on a construction project or pilot a Jaeger.  Before, he had only come home to sleep.  Now, he was slowly realizing that he was going to have to learn how to live here by himself, as strange as that sounded.

Raleigh adjusted the bag he was carrying on his shoulder and slowly climbed up the steps.  When he reached his closed bedroom door, he placed a hand on the doorknob and closed his eyes.  He cannot help the dark thought that crosses his mind.

“ _When I open this door...Yancy won't be there.”_

He slowly twisted the knob and pushed the door open.  It almost felt like he was entering the room for the first time since his older brother’s death.  Raleigh couldn’t remember whether or not the room felt so empty before, but he sure noticed it now.  He walked over to his bed and dropped the bag he had been carrying somewhere on the floor by his bed before plopping down onto the edge of his mattress.  He stared across the room at his brother’s empty bed and let out a small sigh.  

“Yancy…” he whispered.  

Raleigh didn’t know how long he sat there for.  He also didn’t realize that at some point he had fallen asleep until he woke up screaming, tears streaming down his face and a hand outstretched in front of him, clutching at nothing.  In his dreams, Yancy had been there.

He hadn’t realized he was dreaming at first.  In it, when he had opened his eyes, he was lying down on his bed and he felt someone move beside him.  When Raleigh turned around, he was greeted by his brother’s smiling face.  Yancy ran a hand gently through Raleigh’s hair.  Raleigh couldn’t help but to lean into his brother’s touch; it had been so long.

“ _Hey there, kiddo.”_

Raleigh’s eyes widened as he gasped in surprise.  “ _Yancy_ …!  You...you’re here…!”

His brother chuckled and gave Raleigh a slightly confused look.  “ _Of course I’m here, kid!  Why wouldn’t I be?”_

Raleigh opened his mouth to respond, but the words were lodged in his throat.  He thought the words, however, before he could stop them.

“ _Because you’re_ _ **dead**_ _, Yance…!”_

The smile on his brother’s face disappeared, and Raleigh immediately felt a sinking feeling in his gut.  Then he was sure it was a dream, because then suddenly he was thrust into the familiar dreadful reenactment of Yancy’s last moments during their Knifehead fight.  This time though, the events progressed more like a nightmare and less of a memory.

This time when Raleigh turned to face Yancy, there was no chaos; everything was still.  The hole in Gipsy Danger’s side was still there, but Knifehead was nowhere in sight.  There was no roaring; no sound of crashing from the ocean.  

Raleigh looked over at his brother helplessly.  “Yancy…?”

His brother’s shade smiled back at him sadly.  “ _Isn’t this what you wanted, kid?”_

Raleigh frowned.  “What?  No!  No, it’s not!  I don’t want this at all!”

“ _Then what_ _ **do**_ _you want, Rals?”_ his brother asked him before the scenery changed again.

Now they were back in bed together.  Raleigh was underneath his brother’s shirtless body.  The older man’s thumb felt real, sliding across his cheek and his face hovered above Raleigh’s with a small frown in his expression.

“ _Is it this…?”_

The tears that stung Raleigh’s eyes felt real, even though he knew it was only a dream.  He shook his head.

“No…!  I don’t know...I…!” Raleigh stammered.

Then Yancy suddenly disappeared and everything went pitch black.  Raleigh whirled his head around wildly, looking for his brother.

“Yancy…?” he called out.  “Yance!”

He was startled when Yancy suddenly appeared behind him.  He became incredibly confused when his brother’s apparition spoke.

“ _Who are you looking for?”_ Yancy asked him, tilting his head to the side and regarding Raleigh with an equally perplexed expression.  “ _Who’s Yancy?”_

Raleigh frowned.  “What?  Who’s _Yancy_ …?  That’s...that’s you!”

“ _Me?”_ his brother asked, looking even more confused.  “ _You know me…?”_

“What?   _Of course_ I know you…!” Raleigh said, not understanding what was going on.  “You know me too, Yancy…!  We’re _brothers_.”

His brother’s shade looked at him incredulously.  “ _We_ _ **are**_ … _?”_

“Yes…!  We are!” Raleigh said, shaking his head.

Something felt different to him about this Yancy, but he wasn’t sure what it was.  He wondered why his dream had taken on such a strange turn.

“ _Oh…”_ the apparition said, trailing off for a moment.  “ _Listen...is your name Raleigh?”_

Raleigh was so dumbstruck by the question that he almost didn’t answer the other man.  He nodded.

“Yeah...yes it is,” Raleigh said.

The other man tilted his head to the side.  “ _...last name, Becket?”_

Raleigh’s brows furrowed together.  “Yeah, Yance...it’s the same as yours.”

The next question his brother asked confused him even more.  “ _Are you_ _ **real**_ _, Raleigh?”_

“Real?” Raleigh asked with a frown.  “What are you saying?  Of _course_ I’m real…!  In fact, I’m the only one here who’s real…”

Raleigh laughed helplessly and shook his head.  He lifted his hands up to his forehead.

“Oh my God…” he said softly.  “Look at me...I’m arguing with myself right now and pretending that it’s _you_ , Yance…I must be fucking losing it…!”

His dream version of Yancy frowned.  “ _What are you talking about?  I’m not real…?”_

Raleigh just shrugged his shoulders and chuckled despite himself.  He decided perhaps this was his subconscious way of coping.

“Exactly what it means, Yance,” said Raleigh.  “There’s no possible way that you could be real right now.”

“ _And why’s that…?”_ asked Yancy’s shade.  “ _Does this have to do with you thinking that I’m dead?”_

“Yeah that’s right, Yancy,” Raleigh said, his expression towards his brother was pained.  “That’s because you _are_ …”

“ _See...that’s the part I don’t understand…”_ his brother’s imagined self said with a frown, and what came out of his mouth next caused Raleigh to freeze.  “ _You think I’m dead, but...I’m_ _ **not**_ _though…”_

“...what?” Raleigh whispered.

The rational side of him was telling him that the conversation he was having inside of himself at that moment was pretty much borderlining on insanity, and that he needed to stop.  However, a small part of him wondered if there was something else entirely going on here.

“ _I just don’t remember a whole lot,”_ his brother replied.  “ _I’m sorry…”_

Raleigh blinked.  “Wait… _Yancy_ …!  What is...what...what are you even _talking_ about?”

“ _If you can find me, then_ _ **please**_ … _!”_ his brother said.  “ _Come and get me out of here...they think I’m crazy.  They keep trying to give me these drugs…”_

Raleigh shook his head.  “I don’t understand...I…”

“ _I don’t know how much longer I can pretend that I’m taking them,”_ his brother said.  “ _God...maybe I_ _ **am**_ _crazy...maybe they_ _ **are**_ _right.  Maybe you’re_ _ **not**_ _real...maybe I_ _ **am**_ _just making all this up…”_

A strange, unsettling feeling of raw panic began to rise up within Raleigh’s chest.  It was amazing to him how even in a dream, he could still feel his mouth go dry.  When his brother began to turn away from him, that’s when Raleigh suddenly found his voice.

“Yancy, _wait_ …!” Raleigh shouted, reaching his hand out towards his brother and not caring how desperate he sounded.  “ _Stop!_ ”

Unfortunately, that’s when Raleigh had woken up.  It took several minutes for him to control his ragged breathing, and when he finally calmed down, he lowered his arm and wiped away at the tears.  He then stumbled out of bed and rushed out of the room, not even daring to look in the direction of his brother’s empty bed on the other side.

He ran the short distance from his room to the bathroom and flung open the door.  His momentum caused him to miscalculate slightly and he grunted in pain when his feet slid on the tiled floor, causing his torso to smack into the edge of the sink.  He slammed his hands down on the edge of the sink, gripping it tightly and letting a frustrated noise escape through his clenched teeth.  He pressed one hand against the sore spot on his stomach while he reached for the bathroom light, flipping the switch with his other hand.  It was dark outside now, and Raleigh needed to be able to see now that there was no natural light filtering into the house.

Raleigh walked over to the sink and turned on the tap.  When water flowed out, he placed his hands underneath and leaned forward so that he could start washing his face.  After he was finished, he wiped his face with a washcloth and then slowly made his way back out into the hall and down the stairs.  

He made his way into the living room and plopped onto the couch.  He grabbed the television remote from off a side table and turned the machine on.  He leaned in his seat and randomly flipped through some channels.  He wasn’t really paying attention to the program that was playing in front of him, but after a few minutes of spacing out, a small chuckle passed through his lips as he was suddenly reminded of something.  He left the television running and made his way back up the stairs to his room.  Once there, he went straight for his bag and rummaged through it, taking out his phone.  He scrolled through his short list of contacts and pressed the number associated with Jeremy’s name.  Only after he flopped back onto the couch in his living room and listened to the phone ring that thought that it might be too late for a phone call struck him.

Jeremy answered before Raleigh could pull the phone away from his ear.  “ _Hello?  Raleigh?”_

Raleigh cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair.  “Hey, uh...yeah, it’s me.  Sorry...did I call too late?  I didn’t check the time before I dialed your number…”

His brother’s friend chuckled from the other end.  “ _Nah, it’s cool man.  It’s only nine.  What’s up?  Everything going all right?”_

Raleigh let out a sigh.  “Eh...I don’t know man.  I guess…”

He could almost picture the other man frowning.  “ _You don’t sound so good though, man.  What’s wrong?”_

Raleigh couldn’t help but to chuckle a little bit.  “Well...I think I finally understand why you’re never in your room and always watching the television.  It helps you fall asleep...doesn’t it?”

A small sigh came through from the other end.  “ _Yeah, man.  It does.  I’d be lyin’ to you through my teeth if I said otherwise.”_

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah, I thought so...can I ask you something though?”

“ _Sure.”_

“Why do you do it?” Raleigh asked.  “Is it something you started doing recently?  Or is it just one of those habits that you’ve always sort of had…?”

Jeremy chuckled, the thought crossed Raleigh’s mind that the other man was probably sitting on his own couch while they were having this conversation.  He was probably even having one of his cigarettes too.

“ _Shit, man…I don’t know,”_ was Jeremy’s reply.

Raleigh half-smiled.  “It’s alright, Jay.  You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.  I probably shouldn’t have asked, anyway.”

“ _Nah, it’s okay,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _It’s just, to tell you the truth, I never really thought about it too hard before.”_

“Oh.”

“ _Yeah…”_ said Jeremy.

There was a slight pause followed by a soft inhaling and exhaling sound.  Raleigh knew then that Jeremy was most definitely having a smoke.  

“ _You know...now that I think about it though,”_ the other man continued.  “ _I guess it probably started just a little after I moved out from home.”_

“Ah…” Raleigh said with a small smile.  “Too quiet, huh?”

“ _Yeah,”_ Jeremy agreed.  “ _ **Too**_ _fucking quiet.”_

Raleigh’s hand unconsciously went for the chain around his neck, fiddling with his brother’s dog tags that hung from them.  Ever since Yancy’s death he had never once taken them off—not even in the shower.  To him, it was as sacred as a wedding band.

“Why’d you move out then?” Raleigh asked, his eyes only sort of focused on what was happening on the television screen.  

Jeremy chuckled when he responded.  “ _I thought it would make things better.”_

Raleigh laughed a little.  “Then why don’t you move back in with your folks?”

He could hear the small smile in the other man’s voice.  “ _Too fucking used to it.”_

Raleigh laughed a bit harder then.  “Well shit, man!  That sure is a box you’ve locked yourself in.”

“ _Ha!  Ain’t that the truth…”_

Raleigh sighed.  “Think we’ll ever get used to it, Jay?”

“ _I don’t know man…”_ said Jeremy.  “ _I’ll be honest with you...I still think about both of them every damn day.”_

Raleigh half-smiled.  “I know what you mean.”

“ _They were my best friends, Raleigh, and...I don’t know,”_ Jeremy said as Raleigh heard the man blow out another steady stream of smoke.  “ _Sometimes I wonder, you know?  If things might have turned out differently if I hadn’t stayed behind.  If I had just gone with you guys back then, then maybe I could’ve done something that could’ve prevented everything from happening...”_

Raleigh shook his head.  “You can’t think like that, Jay…”

“ _I know I shouldn’t,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _But I still do, anyway.”_

Raleigh let out another sigh.  “Yeah...I know.”

The two men lapsed into a brief silence.  After a moment, Raleigh spoke up.

“So I passed out on my bed almost as soon as I got inside.”

He heard Jeremy adjust his posture from the other end.  Raleigh could almost picture the other man in his usual pose—legs kicked up on the coffee table; one arm over his head and the other hand holding his phone to his ear.  Maybe the hand above his head was even holding the remote control.  

Jeremy cleared his throat.  “ _Yeah…?  And how was your nap?”_

“Fucking awful,” Raleigh admitted.  “...I had a dream about Yancy.”

“ _...yeah?  Go on…”_

Raleigh gulped before continuing.  “It was...weird.”

“ _How so?”_

“I haven’t dreamt about him in a while, to be honest,” said Raleigh.  “I’ve always been trying to avoid it.  It’s not that I don’t want to see him, it’s just…”

“ _Just what?”_

Raleigh leaned his head back and closed his eyes.  “It’s just always the same night I relive, over and over again…the night he died, I mean.”

“ _Ah.”_

“Yeah…” Raleigh said, his voice a bit shaky.

“ _So…”_ Jeremy started.

“So it kind of started that way,” said Raleigh.  “But then it changed...it turned into something different.”

“ _Different how?”_ Jeremy asked.

Raleigh laughed helplessly.  “I don’t know how to explain it to you, man...this isn’t going to make much sense.”

“ _Try me,”_ said Jeremy.

Raleigh took in a deep breath.  “All right, man…”

The older man’s tone was encouraging.  “ _Don’t worry.  I’m listening.”_

“You know, it had been so long since I’d seen him in my dreams,” said Raleigh.  “I was kind of shocked.”

“ _Understandable.”_

“I guess...but you know, usually I’m dreaming about us in that loop,” said Raleigh.  “Where he dies and I make it, and that’s it.  Nothing changes.”

“ _Something did this time around?”_

“Yeah…” Raleigh said, nodding.  “Big time.”

“ _What was it?”_

“Dude...where do I even _start?_ ” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “It was all just _so different_ this time around!”

“ _So?  Go all over the place if you have to,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _I’ll try to follow.”_

“Well...all right,” said Raleigh.  “Here goes.”

“ _Mmhmm.”_

“So the beginning was definitely different,” said Raleigh.  “At first, I didn’t realize I was dreaming.  Yancy was there, and then we just started talking.”

“ _Yeah?”_

“Yeah,” said Raleigh.  “And some of the stuff he said...I don’t know.  It felt more like I was just talking to myself.  You know?  Does that make any sense?”

“ _...I think I get what you’re saying, yeah.”_

“Well then everything disappeared,” said Raleigh.  “Yancy, the scenery...just _everything_.”

“ _...okay?”_

Raleigh shrugged.  “And then right when I thought I was going to wake up, Yancy came back...but he wasn’t the same as before.”

There was a hint of concern in Jeremy’s tone when he replied.  “ _What do you mean by that, Raleigh?  Him not being the same?”_

“Because he _wasn’t_ ,” said Raleigh.  “Not the way I was projecting him before.  This version of Yancy...it was _so weird_.  He kept saying things that were so strange, Jay.”

“ _Like what, man?”_

“Things like…” Raleigh chuckled nervously as he ran a hand through his hair.  “God, Jay...you’re going to think I’m crazy…”

“ _ **No**_ _, Raleigh.  Tell me.  It’s okay.”_

Raleigh shook his head.  “He just seemed...so _confused_ , Jay...and the things he was saying and the questions he was asking...I mean...he just ended up confusing _me_ too.”

“ _You’re being incredibly vague…”_

“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry,” Raleigh said, his voice trembling.  “It was just...he was saying things like how I was wrong, that he wasn’t dead...and how he needed me to find him and help get him out from someplace.”

He ran a hand through his hair again nervously as he continued.  “The strangest part was...for a second, he felt _really real_ , man...it was almost like...felt almost like when we used to Drift together.  And for a minute, I couldn’t help but think that maybe—”

“ _..._ _ **Raleigh**_ _.”_

Raleigh sat up a little straighter.  “Yeah...?”

There was a bit of a crackle as Jeremy let out a small sigh into the phone.  “ _Listen...you want to come on over here or should I go and stay over there with you?”_

Raleigh frowned.  “Huh?  Jay...it’s all right, I’m—”

“ _Never mind,”_ Jeremy said, cutting Raleigh off.  “ _You just stay right where you are.  I’ll come to you.  Do me a favor and open the door for me when I get there, all right?  I don’t trust you driving here on your own with that state of mind…”_

“Wait a minute, hey!” said Raleigh.  “Jeremy!”

The other man hung up then, leaving no room for further argument.  Raleigh frowned and tried calling his brother’s friend again.  The call went straight to voicemail.  Raleigh lightly tossed the phone off to the side and sighed.

“Damn it…” he muttered.

Minutes later, Jeremy was at his front door.  Raleigh let his brother’s friend in after the man rang the doorbell, and Jeremy walked inside, carrying in with him a bag filled with his things.  He dropped his sack at the foot of the stairs and then looked over at Raleigh.

“I’m going to be staying here,” Jeremy said simply.  “At least for tonight.  Got a problem with that?”

“No, not really,” Raleigh said rubbing at the back of his neck.  “It’s fine, but—”

“Good,” Jeremy said with a curt nod.  “That’s the end of that conversation, then.”

Raleigh sighed.  Jeremy turned towards the direction of the kitchen.

“Now what you got in here to eat?” Jeremy said as he started walking.  “I know you’ve got to have something.  I’m _starving_.”

Raleigh couldn’t help but chuckle, despite himself, and followed the older man into the kitchen.  “You really need to learn how to go grocery shopping, Jay.”

“Hey, I’m a busy guy,” Jeremy said with a slight shrug.

Raleigh laughed.  “That’s what you always say, man.  That’s like your excuse for everything.”

“And a pretty damn good one, if I do say so myself,” said Jeremy.

“Whatever, man,” Raleigh said, shaking his head.

“Hope you don’t mind if I make myself at home,” Jeremy said as he settled himself into one of the chairs surrounding the kitchen table.  

“No, not at all,” Raleigh said with joking sarcasm.  “ _Go right ahead_.”

Jeremy grinned.  “Thanks, man.”

Raleigh laughed and walked towards his refrigerator.  “Whatever, jackass.  All right.  What are you hungry for?  I’ll try to whip something up.”

“Ah, music to my ears,” said Jeremy.  “I don’t know.  Whatever you want.  You should know better than anyone that I’m not picky.”

Raleigh shook his head and snorted.  “You’re right.  Why did I even bother to ask.”

Raleigh pulled some spaghetti sauce out of the fridge.  “How about some pasta?”

Jeremy shrugged.  “Fine by me, dude.”

“Good.  Then that’s what I’ll make,” said Raleigh.

Both men were silent as Raleigh prepared their meal.  The conversation didn’t resume until they had set everything on the table, and they were both just starting to dig into their food.

Jeremy sucked in some spaghetti with an obnoxious slurp.  “ _Ahhhh_ , yeah...that totally hits the spot.”

Raleigh shook his head in mock disgust.  “You’ve got absolutely no table manners, man.”

“ _Hey_ ,” Jeremy said with a slight shrug.  “We can’t all be dainty little princesses while we eat.”

Raleigh laughed.  “You’re an ass.”

“Aw, c’mon, Raleigh!” Jeremy said, pretending to look hurt.  “You don’t really mean that now, do you?”

“Oh, I meant every word,” Raleigh said as he took his finished silverware and bowl to the sink so he could rinse them.  “I know you only wanted to come over here so that you could get some free food.”

“Hey!  A man’s gotta eat!” said Jeremy.

Raleigh laughed.  After a minute, Jeremy walked up beside him and placed his own dinnerware in the sink.  

“Really though...I wanted to come here and check up on you,” Jeremy said quietly, tone serious.  
  
Raleigh let out a small sigh.  “Yeah, I know, man...I was just kidding around with you before.”

“ _Good_ ,” Jeremy said, clapping a hand on Raleigh’s shoulder.  “As long as you know.”

“Yeah…” said Raleigh.  “Hey, listen...after I put all the stuff in the sink...why don’t we try and get some sleep?  It’s starting to get pretty late.”

“Yeah, I agree,” said Jeremy.  “So where are we going to crash tonight?”

“In the living room, I guess,” Raleigh said with a small smile.  “It’s the only place with a television...I don’t want you to be missing all of your favorite shows now, just because you decided to come over here and babysit me.”

“Well that’s awful considerate of you,” Jeremy said as he smiled back at Raleigh.  “And _hey_...if you weren’t giving me all of that crazy talk, I wouldn’t even _be_ here…”

Raleigh frowned.  “I wasn’t making any of that stuff up.  It really felt like Yancy and I were connected for a moment there...just like old times.”

Jeremy shook his head.  “And it caused you to get the idea into your head that maybe Yancy _is_ alive and that whatever you saw of him in your head _was_ real.   _That’s_ the part that worries me.”

“You were never connected to anyone in the Drift…” Raleigh said with a frustrated sigh.  “There’s no way you could ever understand.”

“ _Hey!_  I understand plenty!” Jeremy said, somewhat angrily.  “I understand what it’s like to be _grieving_ , Raleigh.  I understand what it’s like to be hurting.”

“Whatever, man,” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “Let’s not fight.”

Jeremy sighed.  “Yeah, all right.  You’re right...I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Raleigh said with a half-smile.  “You go on ahead into the living room.  I’ll get us some pillows and sheets.”

Jeremy nodded.  “Yeah, all right.”

The two men eventually settled in the living room.  Both were only half-watching the drama that was playing on the television set.  No further words were exchanged that night, and both men eventually closed their eyes and fell asleep.

This time, Raleigh found himself intentionally searching for Yancy.  Ghost-Drifting was something he hadn’t tried to do in a long time, so he wasn’t surprised to find that he was a little rusty.  For a while, he didn’t find anything.  Then, just as he was about to give up, he felt a pull.  When he looked up in his dream, there his brother was, standing before him.  

Raleigh gasped.  “Oh my God…”

Yancy tilted his head to one side, looking as confused as he did before.  Raleigh reached out and took his brother firmly by the hand.  

“ _Yancy_ …!” he whispered.

The other man shook his head.  “ _They don’t call me that here.”_

Raleigh frowned.  “What?”

“ _They call me Johann,”_ said Yancy.  “ _Johann Beck.”_

“That’s not your name,” Raleigh said, his frown becoming more pronounced.

Yancy gave him a small shrug.   _“_ _I honestly thought it was Raleigh at first.”_

The younger man blinked.  “What…?  You did?  How?”

Yancy shrugged.  “ _That was the name on the tags that I was wearing.”_

Raleigh’s eyes widened.  “No…!  No, Yance…!  That was...we…!”

“ _Come find me, Raleigh…”_ his brother whispered softly.  “ _That is, if you’re real…”_

Raleigh panicked when his brother once again began to fade.  “Yancy!  Wait!  No!”

Before he knew it though, Raleigh was being jerked awake.  When he opened his eyes again, Jeremy was in his face, looking at him with great concern.  The older man’s hands were gripped tightly around his shoulders.

“Hey!” Jeremy said with a slight hiss.  “I think you were having a nightmare, man!”

Raleigh blinked and then frowned.  “No...no, I don’t think it _was_ , Jay!”

Jeremy shook his head.  “Well you were at the very least dreaming about _something_ , the way you were just thrashing about!”

“Yancy’s _alive_ , Jay!” Raleigh whispered with excitement.  “I _found_ him!”

Jeremy frowned.  “Raleigh…!”

“ _No_ , Jay!” said Raleigh.  “I swear to you, I’m not making this shit up!”

Jeremy didn’t say anything at first and stared for a long time into Raleigh’s eyes, as if searching for something.  After a few minutes, he let out a sigh.

“You really believe you found him, don’t you…?”

“I _know_ I found him,” said Raleigh.  “ _Please_ , Jay…!  You’ve got to believe me!”

Jeremy rubbed at the back of his neck.  “Raleigh…”

“He’s in a hospital,” said Raleigh.  “That much I know.  He says he’s going by a different name there right now.”

Jeremy frowned.  “Now how does that make any kind of sense?”

“I don’t know!” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “I’m still trying to understand it myself!  For some reason, I don’t even think he remembers who he _is!_ ”

Jeremy still looked skeptical.  Raleigh sighed.

“Fine!” he said angrily, getting up from the couch.  “Look.  If you don’t believe me and you don’t want to help, that’s fine...but I know for a fact now that my brother is alive...and I’m going to _find him_.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa now... _wait_ ,” Jeremy said, scrambling up from the ground.  “Just give me a second...let me go and get my keys.”

“So you _do_ believe me?” Raleigh asked hopefully.

Jeremy rubbed at the back of his neck.  “I...I honestly don’t know, man.”

Raleigh frowned.  “Then why are you still willing to help?”

“Because...if it turns out you’re just sending yourself on a wild goosechase, and your brother is actually watching us from High Heaven?  Then I _know_ he’s going to figure out a way to have my head and mount it on his angelic wall.” Jeremy said with a small sigh.  “Look.  You seem to have your mind set, and I know what that’s like.  I know it’s going to be pointless to stop you...”

Raleigh half smiled.  “That doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to tag along.”

“I’m not forcing myself, damn it!” Jeremy snapped.  “You’re my best friend’s little brother...and since he’s not here anymore, I feel like it’s now my responsibility to look after you.  That’s all.”

Raleigh sighed.  “You don’t have to feel like that, Jay…I can take care of myself.”

“You know that’s not the point,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “This is the least that I can do for your brother.”

“All right,” Raleigh said with a small nod.  “...fair enough.”

Jeremy’s keys jingled in his hand.  “I really wish you would change your mind though, man...if this doesn’t turn out the way you expect...I really don’t want to see you possibly get hurt.”

“I know…” Raleigh said with a small shrug.  “I get where you’re coming from, but...I’ve just gotta know...you know?”

“Yeah, all right,” Jeremy said with a deep sigh and nodded.  “Then let’s go.”


	4. Uncertainty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked as quickly as I could on this, but I also had to make sure the quality was something I approved of. For Hardyness and SublimeDiscordance; thanks for always encouraging me and pushing me along. I seriously couldn't keep going at the rate I am without you both. As for bluebluebonnet...I miss you! You've been a splendid support as well.

At Jeremy’s suggestion, they had called several hospitals to see if any of them had a patient by the name of Yancy Becket or Johann Beck.  Luckily for them, there were only so many hospitals in Anchorage to check.  So far, of the six major hospitals he called, none of them had record of either of the names.

Jeremy went through his cigarettes like a madman, taking his chain smoking habit to a whole new level as he watched Raleigh nervously, preparing for the worst.  Raleigh held his breath as he clicked the link to the number on the last possible hospital his brother could be in, if he was even in one at all.

After several rings, a female voice answered the phone.  “ _Pacific Coast Hospital.  How may I direct your call?”_

Raleigh cleared his throat.  “I’m looking to see if a patient is checked in?”

“ _Let me transfer you to the main desk.”_

“Thank you,” said Raleigh.

After several rings, a different female voice answered the line.  “ _Pacific Coast Hospital.  How can I help you?”_

“I just wanted to see if a patient was checked in,” said Raleigh.

“ _Sure.  Patient name?”_

“Last name Beck,” said Raleigh.

If that name wasn't listed as a patient, then he'd ask for his brother's actual name. He'd been doing that for each hospital he called so far.

“ _First name?”_

“Johann.”

“ _One moment.”_

There was a brief pause.  Raleigh held in another breath.  Jeremy tossed his finished cigarette butt and lit up a new one.

Then came the moment they didn’t think would come.  “ _Yes, sir.  We do have a patient here by that name.”_

Raleigh straightened up in his seat.  “Y-you do?”

He looked over at Jeremy.  The other man raised both his eyebrows expectantly.  Raleigh held up a finger.

“ _Yes, sir,”_ said the receptionist.  “ _We do.”_

“Great, thank you,” said Raleigh.  “That’s all I needed to know.”

“ _You’re welcome.  Anything else I can assist you with?”_

“No, that’s all right,” said Raleigh.  “I’ll be right there.”

He hung up the phone.  Jeremy looked at him expectantly.

“You found him?” he asked.

Raleigh nodded.  “I think so.”

Jeremy shook his head, a look of disbelief on his face.  “Unreal…”

“We won’t know for sure until we get there though,” Raleigh said with a half-smile.

Jeremy nodded.  “Right...that’s true.  So...where’s he at?”

“Pacific Coast Hospital,” said Raleigh.

“Well then, _fuck_ ,” Jeremy said as he wasted no time in starting up his truck.  “Get your damn seat belt on, man.  I’m about to fly.”

Raleigh couldn’t help but chuckle a little, though nervous as he was.  He snapped his seat belt into place, and Jeremy wheeled out of his driveway.  They made it to the hospital in record time, and Raleigh decided that if the Kaiju War had never happened and Jeremy’s family wasn’t in the construction business, the man probably would have  gone down the career path of a racecar driver.

Both men rushed to the front desk.  Raleigh placed his hands down on the counter and spoke with the woman sitting there.

“We’re both here to see my brother,” Raleigh said, motioning towards Jeremy.

The receptionist nodded.  “Patient name?”

“Johann Beck,” said Raleigh.  

The woman typed into her computer and then pulled out a pair of visitor’s passes to write some information down.  “He’s on the sixth floor.  Elevators are down the hall and to your right.  Also, you’re going to have to speak with the nurses there in order to see him.”

Raleigh nodded as he took the passes.  “Got it.  Thanks.”

He handed Jeremy one of the passes as the two walked quickly towards the elevators.  When they boarded, Jeremy’s hand began to fidget.  He looked over at Raleigh and lifted his chin up a little bit.

“You nervous, man?” he asked.

Raleigh nodded.  “Little bit.  Guess I don’t know what to expect.  You?”

“ _Shiiit_ …” Jeremy said, chuckling softly.  “I could really use another fucking cigarette.”

Raleigh shook his head.  “The way you’re going through them right now, you’ll have cancer by the end of the day, dude.”

Jeremy snorted.  “ _Ha!_  Good thing we’re in a hospital then, right?”

Raleigh cracked a small smile.  “You’re hopeless, man.  Hopeless.”

The elevator dinged when they reached their floor.  The two men then stepped out and made their way to the nurse’s station.  

“Excuse me!” Raleigh said as he approached one of the nurses behind the desk.

The woman looked up at him and smiled.  “Yes, sir.  Can I help you?”

“I was wondering if I could visit with a patient?” Raleigh asked.

The woman nodded.  “Okay.  What’s the patient’s name?”

“Johann Beck.”

The woman had been about to type the name in her keyboard, but froze when Raleigh uttered the name.  She looked up at him curiously.

“And your relation to the patient…?” she asked.

“I’m his brother…” Raleigh said, tilting his head to the side.  “Is there a problem?”

The nurse’s eyes rounded and her jaw dropped slightly, but she quickly regained her composure.  “Oh.  No, sir.  No problem at all!  Please wait right here...I’ll be just a moment!”

Raleigh frowned.  “Uh...all right…?”

The woman flashed him an apologetic look and then bolted from her seat.  Raleigh and Jeremy both looked at each other and exchanged a glance.

“Well that sure seemed weird,” said Raleigh.

“Yeah, I’ll say,” Jeremy said, nodding.  “She looked like a fucking deer caught in headlights.”

A few minutes later the nurse returned, with a doctor in tow.  The doctor looked between the two men.

“So which one of you is claiming to be related to Mr. Beck?” the doctor asked.

Raleigh stepped forward.  “I am.”

“Ah, I see.  Good to meet you,” the doctor said, holding out his hand.  “I am Dr. Eric Bradley.”

“Pleasure,” Raleigh said curtly, shaking the doctor’s hand.

The doctor nodded and then spoke to the nurse.  “Thank you, I’ll take it from here.”

The nurse nodded back before returning to her place at her desk.  The doctor then turned again to Raleigh.  

“Gentlemen, if you would please follow me?”

The two men began to follow the doctor back to his office.  Raleigh frowned.

“Am I going to get to see my brother, Doc?”

“Yes, in a moment,” said the doctor.  “However, if you really are his brother, then there are some things you will need to know about the patient first.  What did you say your name was…?”

“Becket,” Raleigh replied.  “Raleigh Becket.”

Dr. Bradley stopped in his tracks for a moment.  “Really?  How interesting…”

Raleigh frowned.  “Excuse me?”

The doctor shook his head and stopped in front of his office door.  “Never mind.  After you, please.”

Dr. Bradley opened the door to his office.  Raleigh and Jeremy stepped inside.  The doctor soon followed in after them and then closed his door.

“Please,” he said.  “Have a seat.”

Both Raleigh and Jeremy sat.  The doctor took his place on the other side of the desk.  Once the man settled in, he steepled his fingers and leaned forward.

“So, Mr. _Becket_ ,” said Dr. Bradley.  “How long has it been since you’ve last seen your brother?”

“Five years, two months,” Raleigh said, jaw tightening.

It wasn’t their fault, but Raleigh couldn’t stand how other people seemed to assume he wasn’t keeping track.  Beside him, Jeremy was slouched back in his chair, one of his legs bouncing up and down impatiently.  

“We had flyers posted out for him about a year ago,” said Dr. Bradley.  “When he was first able to speak to us after waking from his coma…”

“I was called back into service,” Raleigh said with a frown.  “I was out there, fighting Kaiju.  I never got a chance to see the flyers.”

“Ah, I see,” the doctor said, raising an eyebrow.  “How curious.”

“What is?” Raleigh asked.

“Then how were you able to know your brother was here?” asked Dr. Bradley.  

“You wouldn’t understand, Doc,” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  

“Look, does it really matter, man?” Jeremy snapped at the doctor.  “You going to quit asking all these stupid questions and let my friend see his brother, or what?”

“Hey...calm down, Jay,” Raleigh said quietly.

Jeremy scowled.  The doctor eyed Jeremy warily and slowly nodded his head.

“No, he’s right…” said Dr. Bradley.  “Perhaps we could continue this conversation later…”

“ _Thank you!_ ” Jeremy said, getting up from his seat.

“Now just a second,” said Dr. Bradley.

Jeremy frowned and plopped back down in his chair.  “Now what?”

Dr. Bradley shook his head.  “There’s still a few things that your friend should know about the patient’s condition.”

“And what’s that, Doc?” Raleigh asked.

“I’ll give you a brief synopsis,” said the doctor.  “When your brother first came to us roughly five years ago, he was found by a couple who said he had been washed up on the coastline upon some rocks.  He remained in a coma for about four years.”

Raleigh swallowed the lump forming in his throat.  “All right.”

Dr. Bradley continued.  “When he woke up, he had no recollection of who he was.  He was wearing a pair of what appeared to be military-issue tags when he checked in with us; we kept those in a safe place until he regained consciousness.”

Raleigh reached up to his neck and pulled out the chain he was wearing under his shirt.  “They look like these, Doc?”

“Why...yes!” the doctor said, shaking his head at Raleigh.  “But the ones he was wearing had your name on them…”

“That’s because the ones I’m wearing around my neck right now are his,” Raleigh said with a half-smile.  “We traded them a while back...sorry for the confusion.”

“Huh, well...that certainly explains some things,” said Dr. Bradley.  

Jeremy smacked his hand down hard on one of his armrests.  “Look, man.  Could we seriously stop wasting all this time?”

The doctor sighed.  “ _Patience_ , please, Mr…?”

“Daniels,” Jeremy said tersely.

“Mr. Daniels,” said Dr. Bradley.  “We’ll be moving right along in a moment, I assure you.  There is just one more thing that I need Mr. Becket to know.”

“Well then _spit it out_ , old man!” Jeremy growled.

“Jay…!” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “Calm down, will you?”

Jeremy threw up his hands in disgust.  “How can you be so patient, Raleigh?”

Raleigh sighed.  “Well, I mean if he’s saying there’s some important things I want to know about Yancy before I see him, then I’d like him to let me know.”

“Thank you, Mr. Becket,” said Dr. Bradley.  “It’s good to see that you are at least of level-mind.”

Jeremy clenched one of his fists.  “Oh, I’d be more than happy to level _your_ mind, Doc.”

Raleigh shot his brother’s friend a disapproving look.  “ _Jeremy_.”

“Yeah, yeah, _all right_ ,” Jeremy muttered as he settled back in his seat.

“You’ll have to excuse him…” Raleigh said, giving Dr. Bradley an apologetic smile.

The doctor shook his head.  “Not a problem.  I’m sure you are eager to see your brother as well, Mr. Becket, so I will wrap this up quickly.”

“ _Please_ ,” Jeremy grumbled.

Dr. Bradley ignored him.  He looked only at Raleigh.

“I’m afraid your brother suffered some damage to the head at some point,” said Dr. Bradley.  “And as a result, he has a case of amnesia.  It is likely that when you see him, he may not recognize you or know who you are.”

“That’s okay,” Raleigh said with a nod.  “I’m prepared for that.”

The doctor nodded.  “Very well.  Also, you should know that your brother has claimed that he is hearing a voice.  He has been very insistent that there is only one.”

Raleigh gave him a slight shrug.  “Yeah...that sounds about right.”

The doctor frowned.  “It does?  So he has a history of mental illness then?  We have been treating him as a psychiatric patient...”

“What?  No…!  Why would you do that?” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “That’s wrong!  That voice in his mind that he says he’s hearing?  That’s what he’s _supposed_ to hear, Doc…!  That voice is mine.”

Dr. Bradley looked at Raleigh incredulously.  “Pardon?”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “I mean...how else do you think I knew where to find him, Doc?  I found him here.”

Dr. Bradley shook his head.  “I’m sorry...I’m not sure that I follow.”

“Look man, here’s the gist of it,” Jeremy said, cutting in with irritation clear in his voice.  “These two?  They were out fighting Kaiju during the war with the PPDC.  They operate those giant hunks of metal called Jaegers, and they connect to it with their brains.  When they come out of it, they’ve got this psychic twin shit going on that the rest of the normal people in this world, like you and me, can only fantasize about doing from reading books or something.”

The doctor blinked.  Raleigh shrugged his shoulders and nodded.

“Yeah, Doc,” said Raleigh.  “That really is the shorthand version of it…”

“Yeah, so you _got that_ , Doc?” said Jeremy.  “Can we get this show on the road now?”

“I, uh...I suppose we could,” Dr. Bradley said, nodding and slowly getting up from his seat.  “Gentlemen...if you would please follow me.”

“Finally!” Jeremy said, getting up from his seat and lifting up his hands.  “ _Hallelujah!_ ”

Raleigh shook his head, partly amused as he got up as well.  Both men followed the doctor out of the room and down the hall.  

Raleigh leaned his head over to Jeremy’s ear and whispered.  “I hope you never get sick man...or if you do, I hope you don’t end up needing to get treatment from this hospital.”

“Well that makes two of us!” Jeremy whispered back.  “If they do everything at this same slug pace, I’ll probably end up dead on the table before they can do anything about me.”

Raleigh chuckled softly.  “You’re crazy, Jay.”

“ _Hey._  Crazy is what finally got his sorry ass to move,” Jeremy said, tilting his chin up towards the doctor.  “You should be thanking me.”

Raleigh laughed softly.  In a few minutes the doctor took them through a main waiting room into a much smaller room with three chairs.  

“Please,” said the doctor.  “Wait right here.  I’ll have the patient come meet with you in a moment.”

Raleigh nodded.  “Thanks.”

Both men took their seats.  The doctor then left the room and shut the door behind him.  

“God...I could _really_ use a smoke right now,” Jeremy said as he ran a hand through his pitch black hair.  “I’m so fucking agitated.”

Raleigh laughed.  “Or how about a nicotine patch instead?”

Jeremy shook his head and the corners of his lips curled slightly upward.  “Asshole.”

Raleigh gave him a small smile back.  Both men looked up when they heard the door open again.  A nurse entered the room, escorting a man whom they both instantly recognized, despite being dressed in a hospital gown and looking a lot thinner than either man remembered.  Jeremy paled.  Raleigh rose from his seat immediately.

“Well, I’ll be damned…” Jeremy whispered.

The nurse gave the men in the room a small smile.  “I’ll leave you all to it…”

Raleigh gave the woman a grateful nod.  “Thank you, ma’am.”

The nurse nodded and then left the room, shutting the door behind her.  Yancy hung back in the corner where he stood, a little awkwardly.  He met his younger brother’s eyes, and Raleigh rushed up to him, wrapping his arms tightly around the older man’s waist.  He buried his face into his brother’s chest.

“ _Yancy_ …!” Raleigh said, his voice teary and slightly muffled.

He was too overwhelmed to notice the look of uncertainty on his older brother’s face, or the fact that although Yancy had his arms held up, he seemed a little unsure as to whether or not he should return the embrace.  Yancy shook his head, confused.  He looked down at the man in his arms and then at Jeremy, who was now slowly getting up from his chair.

“Is this... _real_ …?’ Yancy asked.  “Is this really happening?”

“Oh this is real all right,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “If this were a dream, I’d be fucking smoking in here right now.”

Yancy’s brows furrowed slightly, but the corners of his lips did twitch slightly upward. “You’ve...got quite a mouth on you, don’t you?”

Jeremy blinked.  He opened and closed his mouth several times like a fish, but appeared to not know what to say.

“Wow,” Jeremy finally settled for saying.  “You really are different.”

Yancy shook his head.  “I’m sorry, I don’t get what you mean…”

“Well, _usually_ when I say something like that…” said Jeremy.  “You’re usually quick to say something smart back.   _Especially_ when it’s in front of your precious brother.”

He nodded his head towards Raleigh, who was still pressed against his older brother.  Yancy looked down at the younger man’s now shivering frame.  Cautiously, he placed his hands on Raleigh’s shoulders and gently pushed his brother back.  He half-smiled upon feeling the wet spot the younger man left on part of his gown with his tears.  Raleigh quickly brought a hand up to his eyes and wiped some of them away.  

It was an odd moment for the older man.  All at once, Yancy felt as if he were being flooded with a thousand emotions, and he couldn’t seem to decide which to settle on.  He felt relieved, to know that the presence he had felt in his mind was truly a real person.  He also felt a warmth spread through his chest that made tears well up in his own eyes, which confused him, because he didn’t understand why he was suddenly feeling so overwhelmed.  Yancy marveled at how one person could make him feel as if he were being pulled so many different directions all at the same time.

There was something else, too.  Looking at his brother, so emotional, Yancy felt the strange urge to cup his brother’s face in his hands and lean forward in order to press their lips together.  A small chill ran down Yancy’s spine from the thought, because he immediately recognized that those thoughts were wrong—this was his brother, or so the man was claiming.  If that really was the case, then he shouldn’t have been feeling a strong physical attraction towards the younger man.

Yancy frowned and took a step away from his brother.  Raleigh looked up at him, confused.

“Yance…?”

The older man flinched away when Raleigh tried to reach out his hand to touch him again.  He felt a little guilty upon seeing the look of hurt that flashed through the younger man’s eyes.  

Raleigh shook his head.  “Yancy…!  It’s _okay_...I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.”

There was an irony in his words and in the situation that went completely missed by all parties.  For a moment, they all stood there, frozen.  Finally, Jeremy cleared his throat and clapped a hand on Raleigh’s shoulder.

“Alright... _listen_ ,” said Jeremy.  “Obviously this is all going to take some getting used to...for _everybody_.”

His words seemed to snap Raleigh out of his stupor.  The younger man slowly lowered his hand and looked at Yancy ruefully.

“Ah...yeah,” Raleigh said with a small nod.

Jeremy squeezed the younger man’s shoulder as reassuringly as he could.  “Let’s just take things one step at a time, yeah?”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “Yeah…okay.”

Jeremy stepped in between the brothers, and Yancy’s posture relaxed a little.  The dark-haired man rubbed at the back of his neck and held out his right hand somewhat awkwardly.

“Jeremy Daniels,” he said simply.  “We’ve known each other since the fifth grade.  I talk shit with you pretty much on a daily basis and sometimes I say things that make you want to kick my ass.”

Yancy didn’t move or say anything at first, but then his lips curled at the ends slightly and there was a bit of amusement reflected in his eyes.  He took Jeremy’s hand and shook it.

“I’ll take your word for it for the time being,” said Yancy.  “But I find it a little hard to believe that I only want to kick your ass _sometimes_.”

Jeremy half-smiled and he pat his other hand firmly on Yancy’s right arm.  “Then there’s hope for you yet, my friend.”

Yancy chuckled, and for probably the first time in his life, Raleigh felt a twinge of jealousy pinch his heart upon seeing how at ease his brother was with Jeremy compared to when he was interacting with the older man earlier.  The smile on Yancy’s face faded a little and his brows furrowed together slightly as he regarded Jeremy with a more serious expression.

“Would you mind if I asked you something...Jeremy?” Yancy asked.

“Jerry,” said Jeremy.

Yancy blinked.  “Sorry?”

“S’what you used to always call me,” Jeremy said with a slight shrug.

Yancy nodded.  “Oh.”

Jeremy placed his hands on his hips.  “So?  What’s your question?  Ask me.”

“Ah...well…there’s only two of you here,” Yancy said as he shifted his weight on his feet.  

The smile dropped from Jeremy’s face and his posture tightened.  “...yeah?  So?”

“So…” Yancy said slowly.  “Shouldn’t there be...one more?  Aren’t there...aren’t there supposed to be three of you?”

Jeremy’s lips pressed into a firm line and Raleigh stepped out from behind the other man.  Yancy’s eyes shifted over to look at Raleigh.

“Sorry…” he said.  “Should I not have mentioned it…?”

“No...that’s not it at all, Yance,” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “Do you think you remember something…?”

Yancy gave his brother a slight shrug.  “I...I don’t know.  I guess I’m trying to figure out what’s real and what’s not.”

“What do you mean?” asked Raleigh.

“I’ve seen a lot of things in my mind,” said Yancy.  “Like you two, for instance.  But there are other things too...like these giant robots and whatnot.  Some of it just seems all really far fetched to me...I just want to make sense of it all.”

Raleigh nodded.  “I’m sure it’ll all come back to you eventually, Yance...it’ll just take time.”

Jeremy shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the ground as he spoke up quietly.  “He look like a military kid, man…?”

Yancy looked back at Jeremy and tilted his head to one side.  “Huh?”

“That third guy you were just asking about,” Jeremy said as he half-smiled, looking back up at Yancy.  “Brown hair, clean-cut...sharp dresser?”

Yancy frowned for a minute and then nodded slowly.  “Yeah...I think that’s the one…?”

Jeremy half-smiled.  “Always hanging around with us?”

Yancy nodded again.  “Yeah…”

Jeremy closed his eyes and turned his head.  The muscle in his cheek twitched slightly.

“You were probably thinking of Kyle then,” Jeremy said, softly.  “Good kid.  We both knew him.”

Yancy frowned.  “Did...something happen between us?”

Jeremy shook his head and opened his eyes; they were misty.  “Nah, man.  Just some shit went down, that’s all.”

Yancy leaned back on his heels.  “Oh.”

“Yeah,” said Jeremy.  “Don’t worry about it right now, man.  Let’s just focus on getting you home first, huh?”

Yancy nodded slowly.  “Yeah...I think...I think I’d like that.”

“I’m sure you would,” Jeremy said, putting a hand behind Raleigh’s back and pushing the younger man slightly towards his brother.  “You two have got quite a bit to catch up on.”

“He’s right, Yance, we do,” Raleigh said, reaching a hand out to hold one of Yancy’s.

He frowned when the older man once again flinched away from him.  Jeremy wet his lips with a frown on his face when he observed the interaction.

“You know what?” Jeremy said to Raleigh.  “Why don’t you go on ahead and fill out the paperwork or whatever we have to do to get him out of here, eh, Raleigh?  I’ll keep an eye on your brother here.”

“Y-yeah…” Raleigh said, looking at his brother with a pained expression.  “I...I’ll be right back.”

Yancy let out a sigh after Raleigh brushed past him and left the room.  He shook his head at Jeremy.  

“Was he…?” Yancy frowned.  “It looked like he wanted to hold my hand.”

Jeremy shrugged.  “That’s because he probably did, man.”

Yancy’s expression became even more perplexed.  “Was that normal for us, then?”

“Well... _yeah_ ,” said Jeremy.  “You guys always were kinda handsy with each other, even in public.”

Yancy frowned even more.  “But that...we’re _brothers_ , aren’t we?”

“I mean, you are,” Jeremy said, shrugging again.  “But hell if I know how to explain what exactly the two of you had...you two were just really close for brothers, that’s all.”

“Ah…” Yancy said as he looked back in the direction of the door.  “I hurt him, then…”

Jeremy rubbed at the back of his neck.  “Eh...I’m sure it’ll all be all right in the end.”

Yancy half-smiled.  “You think so?”

“Man, I _know so_ ,” Jeremy said confidently.  “As far as your brother and I both knew up until a few hours ago...you were _dead_ , man.  For _five years_.  And now you’re back…!  The kid’s happier than you’ll ever know.  You’re all he’s got, man.”

“I am?” Yancy asked.  “But...what about you?”

“What, _me?_ ” Jeremy asked incredulously.  “You _serious_ …?”

Yancy shook his head.  “Did I say something funny…?”

Jeremy laughed.  “Oh, man...you have _no_ idea…”

Yancy gave the other man a somewhat helpless shrug.  “No, I don’t.  I don’t have any idea.”

Jeremy sighed and gave Yancy a small smile.  “Man...I don’t think _anyone_ on this earth is worthy enough in your brother’s eyes to serve as your replacement.”

Yancy raised an eyebrow.  “The kid thinks that highly of me?”

Jeremy shrugged.  “He just loves you, man.  With me?  He was just barely getting by.”

Yancy gave his friend a short nod, as if he just understood something.  “You...you’ve been taking care of him for me.”

“Hell yeah, I’ve been doing my best,” said Jeremy.  “But it hasn’t been easy man...that kid brother of yours is a handful.  I don’t know how you’ve been doing it, all those years…you’ve spoiled him.”

Yancy half-smiled.  “You’re a good friend, Jeremy.”

Jeremy gave him a slight shrug back.  “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Yancy chuckled.  “Not so good with your words though.”

“ _Shiiit_ , man,” Jeremy said, giving his friend a small smile back.  “I’m a social disaster...it’s a wonder how we ever became friends.”

“Must’ve been Kyle,” Yancy said, and Jeremy froze.

Yancy had meant it as a joke, but apparently that was the wrong thing to say.  Jeremy’s expression tightened again.  Yancy shook his head.

“Sorry...guess I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Nah, that’s all right,” Jeremy said, rubbing the back of his neck and chuckling a little.  “I mean...you know?  That’s actually probably the damn truth right there.  Kyle was always the one who kept us all balanced.  You sure you don’t remember him…?”

Yancy shrugged.  “I remember him...I remember his face…”

Jeremy half-smiled.  “You just don’t _know_ him.”

“No,” Yancy agreed.  “That’s the problem.  I don’t.”

“You will with time…” Jeremy said with a small sigh.  “Maybe.  I don’t know…”

“I hope I do,” Yancy said quietly.

“Yeah, me too,” Jeremy said with a slight nod.  “For now though, let’s just focus on getting you on the same page with your brother though, all right?  Get at least that part of your memory back?”

“Yeah,” Yancy agreed.  “I’d like that.”

Just then, Raleigh walked back through the door.  He had something clutched in his hand.  Both Yancy and Jeremy took a step away to give Raleigh a little more room.  Yancy’s posture grew slightly more rigid, but this time he didn’t recoil away when Raleigh drew near.  Raleigh opened the palm of his hand and a small chain slipped down with two tags attached to it, part of it hanging off of his fingers.

Raleigh gave his brother a small smile and held it out to him.  “Got this back for you, Yance.”

Somewhat hesitantly, Yancy reached out his hand and fingered the lettering on the dog tags.  He looked into Raleigh’s eyes.

“These have your name on them, Raleigh,” he said.

 _Raleigh._ Not _Rals_.  Not even _kid_.  The smile faded a little at first from Raleigh’s face, but then the younger man forced it to grow wider.  His eyes, however, betrayed his feelings of disappointment and hurt.

“That’s right.  These are mine,” Raleigh said before holding up the tags that were hanging around his own neck.  “And I’m wearing yours.  We traded with each other some time ago, Yancy.”

Raleigh took one step closer towards his brother.  Jeremy, who was watching silently, felt a tiny bit of relief upon seeing his best friend having the sense not to move away.  

“Here…” Raleigh said softly as he took hold of the loose necklace in both of his hands.  “Let me put it on for you…?”

Yancy didn’t move or say anything at first, but then he nodded and slowly moved closer to his brother as well.  He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Sure…” he said, leaning his head down a fraction.  “...go ahead.”

Raleigh cracked a small smile and reached his arms up so he could put the necklace over his brother’s head.  He trailed his fingers gently down the back of his brother’s neck to its base.  Yancy stared down at his younger brother’s fingers, which lingered for a moment on the pair of dog tags.  When he looked up, their eyes met.  Yancy frowned, because then he had a small vision that flashed before him and left as quickly as it came.

_Soft lips.  Whispered words.  The warmth of two bodies pressed together.  A fiery passion.  Feelings of jealousy.  Possession._

Yancy reached his hand up and covered Raleigh’s in an attempt to pull his brother’s hand away.  Raleigh, misinterpreting the action, smiled and took his brother’s hand, entwining their fingers together.  Yancy didn't know why, but he felt an odd sense of dread.

“Let’s go home,” Raleigh whispered.  
  
Jeremy jingled his keys.


	5. Longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter actually went through an incredible number of revisions and transformed SO MUCH...which is why it took so long for this to come out. I totally had a moment of clarity last night and now I pretty much know how I want the rest of the chapters to go down...so at this point, it totally becomes a matter of how quickly I can write it all out!
> 
> I decided to give all you readers a break with the angst. :p (Only because I totally plan to slam you all with it later. Mwahaha. Uh...I mean... *Whistles* Lolol.)
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

The ride home was a little awkward.  Upon leaving, the doctor had given Raleigh a bit of advice and a warning.  

“ _It’s best if you don’t force the issue,”_ the doctor had said.  “ _Let him remember things slowly, in his own time.”_

Those instructions had made sense to Raleigh, and he had no problem in following them.  The doctor was realistic, and made sure he had left without expectations that were too high for his brother.  The truth hurt, to a degree, but Raleigh was willing to take things in stride.

“ _It is quite possible some, if not all, of his memories may never return,”_ the doctor had added.  “ _You will have to accept that your brother may never return as the same person you remember.”_

It was the last thing the doctor had said though, that had thoroughly rattled Raleigh.  It was the main reason why Raleigh chose not to sit next do anything like lean on his brother’s shoulder or hold his brother’s hand while they rode together in Jeremy’s truck, and it was also what kept him silent for the entire ride home.

“ _It’s a widely accepted theory that some patients who suffer from amnesia actually suppress the memories they least want to remember...whether it’s because they were the most painful or for some other reason,”_ the doctor had explained.  “ _In those situations...it is recommended that you respect the patient’s wishes, as perhaps this could be a new chance for them that they had always been hoping for.”_

Raleigh couldn’t blame the doctor for what he had said—the man didn’t have the context of what his relationship with his brother had been like before; however, that didn’t change what the doctor’s words meant for Raleigh and his brother.  Yancy couldn’t remember their relationship which, if the doctor’s words actually carried any weight, was subconsciously what Raleigh’s brother had wanted all along, either because it was too painful for him or for some other reason.  The doctor’s explanations only seemed further reinforced by the fact that Yancy couldn’t remember who Kyle Hunter was.  The death of one of his best friends during his PPDC years had been one of the most devastating things to have ever happened to Yancy.  

Which had brought Raleigh to the thought that unsettled him the most—Yancy could barely even remember _him_.  Sure, Yancy had readily accepted the fact that they were brothers, and Raleigh could also take comfort in the fact that his older brother had wanted to be found by him in the first place, but Raleigh still felt a sense of unease over the whole situation.  As much as he tried not to, Raleigh couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps deep down, Yancy had always desired for the chance to drive distance between them.  The thought bothered him immensely.

Meanwhile, Yancy seated between his brother and his best friend.  He occasionally glanced at each of them from the corner of his eyes.  On the one hand, Jeremy seemed completely at ease.  The man had his window rolled down and was happily puffing away at one of his cigarettes.  From what Yancy observed so far, the guy acted mostly like a hardass, but when it came down to it, he was a kind man at the core.  Yancy didn’t know what their friendship was like before, but at the moment he got the feeling that he and Jeremy would be getting along just fine.  

To be honest, it was his relationship with Raleigh that Yancy was worried about.  The young man had gotten a little cold and distant after the doctor had taken him aside at the hospital.  Whatever the man had told him, Yancy thought, that was the reason for his brother’s sudden change in demeanor.  

What further unsettled him was the feelings that towards his brother.  Yancy wasn’t sure if the fleeting visions that surfaced occasionally in his thoughts throughout the ride home were actual memories or a sign something more sinister lurking deep within himself.  He felt uncomfortable as he found himself imagining things like placing the younger man on his lap and holding him close.  He sensed that his brother needed comfort, but surely Raleigh was too old to be comforted in ways that Yancy was imagining.  

Yancy quietly observed the features of his brother’s face being reflected off of Raleigh’s rolled-up window.  The younger man’s expression was sullen, and Yancy was pretty sure that he was the cause.  He wanted to make the younger man smile, but he didn’t know how.  He had a feeling remembering would help, but there was a small part of him that told him it might be better not to, and that confused him as well.

When Jeremy pulled into the driveway of their house, Yancy didn’t move to follow Raleigh out of the truck right away.  Instead, he took a look at the place for a few minutes, to see if he recognized anything about it.  He was a little disappointed to find that he didn’t.  

Jeremy shut off his engine and gave Yancy a reassuring smile.  He tilted his head slightly in the direction of the house.

“Come on.  I’ll walk you both up,” he said.  “I have to pick up some things anyway.”

Yancy nodded and took off his seat belt.  “You were staying here?”

“Just last night,” said Jeremy.

“He just wanted _free food_ , that’s all,” said Raleigh.

“Hey, I came over to hang out too!” Jeremy said with a chuckle.

Yancy cracked a small smile and then turned to his right.  His brother was already outside the truck, waiting by the open door.  

Raleigh held out a hand and looked up at the older man expectantly.  “Ready to go inside, Yance?”

The shy smile that he had on his face faltered upon seeing Yancy eye his outstretched hand warily.  His heart sank when Yancy hopped out of the truck and gave him an awkward nod before brushing past him.  Raleigh lifted his ignored hand and used it to rub the back of his neck while he shut the truck door to the truck with his other hand.  Jeremy was waiting for the brothers at the foot of their front porch, and he had watched the chain of events unfold with a worried expression.  

“Well, I never thought I’d see the day…” Jeremy muttered as Yancy walked up to him.

Yancy’s eyebrows furrowed together slightly and he looked at Jeremy, slightly confused.  “Sorry?”

“You’ve never left Raleigh behind like how you did just now before—you’ve never let him out of your sight,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “...and you _most certainly_ have never treated him as cold as you have been in the past few hours.”

Yancy shook his head and frowned.  “We...we were that close?”

“Yeah, man...and I’m telling you, watching the way you are with him right now is strange,” Jeremy said with a slight shrug.  “I always thought what you two had together was a natural thing.  It’s...and I’m just going being honest here...it’s real weird to see that it looks like I might’ve been wrong.”

Yancy sighed and glanced back over his shoulder at Raleigh, who was walking slowly towards them with a downcast expression.  He looked back at Jeremy helplessly.

“What do I do, then…?” Yancy asked softly.  “How do I fix this?”

“I...I don’t know what to tell you myself,” said Jeremy.  “I mean, I can tell you as much as I know, but obviously I can’t say much about what you guys were like when other people weren’t around.”

“Yeah, I understand…” Yancy said with a small sigh.  “Could you at least tell me what you can…?”

“Sure, man,” Jeremy said with a nod.  “I’m more than happy to help you guys out in any way that I can.”

Yancy smiled.  “Thanks.  I appreciate it.”

Jeremy shuddered.  “Alright, dude.  You can start with not being so fucking formal around me.  I can’t even begin to explain how weird it is.”

Yancy chuckled.  “Was I really such an ass?”

Jeremy half-smiled.  “Only sometimes.”

Raleigh caught up to them then.  He looked at his brother with slight uncertainty as he held up the keys to their house.

“Um...ready to go inside?” he asked.

Yancy nodded.  “Sure.”

“Okay,” Raleigh said softly as he brushed past his brother to go to the front door.

“You know what might help…?” Jeremy said in a voice low enough so that only Yancy could hear.

Yancy shrugged.  “Hm…?”

“Maybe calling him by one of the nicknames you used to always use for him,” said Jeremy.  “You were always kind of obnoxious with that sort of thing.”

“Using nicknames with him?” Yancy asked.

Jeremy shook his head and laughed a little.  “Using nicknames with _anyone_ , man.  You were always calling somebody _something_.  I don’t know when you had time to come up with them all.”

Yancy chuckled.  “I see...so what’d I used to call him?”

“Your brother?  Let’s see…” said Jeremy.  “You were always calling him kid...oh, and sometimes you’d just shorten his name.”

“Raleigh?” Yancy asked.

“Yeah,” Jeremy said with a nod.

“What’d I turn it into?”

“Rals,” Jeremy said with a slight shrug.  “At least...that’s the one I heard you use the most anyway.”

“Oh.  Okay,” said Yancy.

Raleigh cleared his throat, grabbing the attention of the two men.  The younger man smiled at them sheepishly through the screen door.  He hadn’t been able to pick up on the specific words of their quiet conversation, but he couldn’t help having felt a little left out while watching them.  

“Mm...ready to come inside?” Raleigh asked.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Jeremy said with a nod.  “Sorry about that, Raleigh.”

“It’s fine,” Raleigh said as he pushed open the door to allow both men to step inside.

The younger man felt a slight twinge of guilt for his growing feelings jealousy towards his brother’s friend.  It wasn’t Jeremy’s fault, but Raleigh had to admit that he didn’t really like seeing how much more comfortable Yancy seemed around Jeremy as opposed to him.  The whole situation was strange because Raleigh was beginning to realize that perhaps he had something of a brother complex that he hadn’t known about before, or at the very least had never before given that much of a thought to.  Part of him wondered if perhaps he was starting to better understand his brother’s feelings a little, from prior to Yancy losing his memory.  Admittedly, he found that to be a bit of a disturbing thought.

Upon entering the house, Yancy silently surveyed his surroundings.  His brother and Jeremy stood by and watched.  Yancy took several steps in one direction and stopped.  He frowned as he was hit by a memory.

 _Daylight.  Laughter._ In Yancy’s vision, he was chasing a little boy around in the very hall he was standing in now.   _Short blonde hair, missing front teeth, and a bright smile._  Yancy shook his head and looked over at Raleigh, who was eyeing him curiously.  Yancy bit down gently on the inside of his cheek.  The kid in the brief flashback had to have been his brother.

Raleigh tilted his head.  “...you okay, Yance?”

“Yeah…” Yancy said with a slight nod.  “Fine.”

“Want to see our room?” Raleigh asked.

Yancy shrugged.  “I guess so.  Sure.”

“It’s upstairs,” Raleigh said with a small smile.  “Come on, follow me.”

“I’ll wait down here for you guys, alright?” said Jeremy.

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah, feel free to hang out in the living room, Jay.”

“All right,” said Jeremy.  “Thanks.”

Yancy frowned.  “You don’t want to come up too?”

Jeremy shook his head and smiled.  “Nah, I’m all right.  You two go on ahead.  Catch up.”

Yancy didn’t know why, but his hands were starting to feel clammy.  “I...you...you sure?”

Jeremy’s brows furrowed together slightly.  “Yeah, I’m sure, man…”

Raleigh’s shoulders slumped a little.  “Yance...it’ll be fine.  It’s just our room…?”

“I... _well_ …” Yancy said, licking his lips before nodding nervously.  “Al...alright…”

He then turned to follow his brother up the stairs.  Jeremy looked up at his friend in concern.  He opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words ended up coming out.  Before he knew it, both brothers were up the stairs and out of sight.  Jeremy stood where he was for a few minutes longer with his hands on his hips before eventually making his way towards the living room and plopping himself on the couch there to watch television.  He tried to distract himself with the show playing on screen, but he couldn’t ignore the thought that pervaded his mind.  He couldn’t understand why Yancy had seemed so panicked when Jeremy offered to give the brothers some time alone.

“ _Just what is he so afraid of?”_ Jeremy thought to himself.  “ _It’s like he wanted me to save him from something...but from what though?  His brother?  That’s ridiculous…”_

Jeremy sighed and rubbed at his face with one of his hands.  After a few minutes, he blinked when he realized that at some point he had muted the television and had been straining to hear any signs of something going wrong upstairs.  Jeremy frowned and shook his head as he used the remote to raise the volume of the show he was watching.

“Yeah, that’s crazy, Jeremy...you know they’ll be fine,” he muttered to himself as he shook his head.  “...I must be losing it.”

Several minutes passed, and then he adjusted himself in his seat when he felt a buzzing coming from his jeans.  Jeremy slipped a hand into his pants pocket and dug out his phone.  He took a brief glance at his phone to see who it was before answering the call.

Upstairs, Raleigh was looking at his brother expectantly after he had opened the door to their room.  Yancy stepped inside somewhat hesitantly.

“Kept your side just the way you left it,” Raleigh said with a small smile as he followed in after his brother.  “I just decorated the wall a little bit…”

He nodded over toward the collection of snapshots of memories they had taken over the years that they always added to and hung up on whatever wall they were staying in, if it was for the long term.  Yancy walked up to where the photographs were mounted and ran his finger gently across a few of them.  Raleigh held his breath.  After a moment, Yancy turned to face him.

“We’ve been to a lot of places, huh?” Yancy asked.

Raleigh nodded.  “We sure have.”

Yancy gave him an apologetic smile and shook his head.  “I’m sorry...I’m not sure if I remember anything about these though…”

Raleigh’s shoulders drooped slightly.  “Ah...that’s okay, Yance.  I’m sure it’ll all come back to you eventually…”

“...I hope so,” Yancy said after a momentary pause.

They stood there in awkward silence for a while.  Finally, Raleigh spoke up while rubbing at the back of his neck.

“So, uh...you remember anything?”

Yancy took another look around the room before shaking his head at Raleigh.  “No...I’m sorry.  I don’t think I do.”

“Oh,” Raleigh said, disappointment obvious in his tone.  “Well...that’s all right.”

Yancy sighed.  “Listen...you mind if we go back downstairs?”

“Ah, no...it’s fine,” said Raleigh.  

When the brothers got back to the first floor, Jeremy was walking out of the living room and talking on his phone.  He gave Yancy and Raleigh a slight upward nod as he walked towards the door with the keys to his truck hanging from his free hand.

“Yeah, all right...I’ve just gotta say goodbye real quick and then I’ll be on my way, okay?” Jeremy said to the person on the other end.  “I’ll call you again when I’m close.”

He then ended the call and looked up at the brothers with a half-smile.  Raleigh tilted his head to the side.

“Gotta go, Jay?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said, nodding.  “My dad needs some help with a job.”

Raleigh nodded.  “Should I come too?”

“Nah,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “I told him you were busy.  He understands.”

“If you need to go, it’s fine,” Yancy said softly to his brother.

Jeremy frowned and Raleigh looked at his brother with a flash of hurt in his expression.  Out of the corner of his eye, Yancy saw Jeremy shake his head with disapproval.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Jeremy.  “My pops and I could probably use some father-son bonding time anyway.  Now that the Kaiju have been dealt with, things have slowed down some.  This’ll be the first time in a long while my old man and I finally have the time to have an actual conversation.”

“Yeah, okay,” said Yancy.  “...Kaiju?”

Jeremy let out a small sigh.  “Oh boy.”

Yancy jumped a little when Raleigh placed a hand on his shoulder.  The younger man quickly retracted his hand.

“Sorry…” Raleigh said with a small smile.  “I just wanted to tell you that I’d be happy to fill you in on everything, Yance…”

“Ah...yeah,” Yancy said with a slight nod.  “Sounds good, kid.”

Jeremy blinked.  So did Raleigh.

“ _Well_ _ **that’s**_ _progress…”_ Jeremy thought to himself.

Yancy relaxed when Raleigh’s smile grew a little wider.  Yancy felt a bit of warmth spread through his chest.  The older man began to wonder if perhaps he had been a little too cautious after all.  He decided in that moment that he was going to try and be a little less distant with his brother.

Jeremy took a step back and placed a hand on the knob of the front door.  “So...I’ll be seeing you guys later?”

“Yeah...hey!  Let me walk you out,” said Raleigh.

“Ah, yeah...I’ll come too,” Yancy said as he followed after his brother.

The two brothers followed Jeremy out of the house and walked him to his truck.  Yancy hung back a little behind Raleigh as his best friend and younger brother exchanged some words.

“Either of you need anything, be sure to call me,” Jeremy said after he had settled into his truck.

Raleigh nodded.  “You know we will.”

“Well, I know _you_ will,” Jeremy said with a half-smile before looking up at Yancy.  “Yo, _Yancy!_ ”

Yancy raised both his eyebrows to show that he was listening.  Jeremy lifted his chin slightly.

“You give me a ring sometime, alright?” said Jeremy.  “Even if it’s just to talk...it doesn’t have to be important.”

Yancy nodded and cracked a small smile.  “Sure thing.”

Jeremy shook his head.  “And stop being so formal with me, I’m serious!  You’re throwing me off my game, man.”

Yancy frowned, and for a minute he felt a little prickle of something.  He closed his eyes, trying to grab hold of it.  Unfortunately, whatever the thought was, it vanished as soon as it had appeared.  When he opened his eyes again, both his friend and brother were looking at him with concern.

“You doing all right, man?” Jeremy asked.

Yancy nodded.  “Yeah...sorry.”

“What happened, Yance?” Raleigh asked.

“I just...I don’t know,” Yancy said with a slight shrug.  “I just thought I remembered something.”

Jeremy sighed.  “Well, take your time man.  Don’t force yourself.”

“The doctor _did_ say you shouldn’t overexert your brain,” said Raleigh.

“Yeah, all right then,” said Yancy.  

“Just take it one day at a time, yeah?” said Jeremy.

He then checked the time on his phone.  After slipping the device back into his pocket, he smacked the side of his truck.

“Alright, guys…” he said.  “Hate to leave the party early, but I really need to get going.”

“Yeah, all right, cool,” Raleigh said, giving Jeremy a farewell bro handshake.  “Talk to you later, Jay.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you guys around,” said Jeremy.

Yancy felt a headache coming on as Jeremy started his car.  He slowly reached a hand up to his temple and frowned as the other man drove away.  He groaned softly at first, so Raleigh didn’t notice that Yancy was in pain right away since his back was turned.

The older man slowly lowered himself to the ground, settling into a kneeling position while holding his head.  He closed his eyes and his mind suddenly became flooded with visions that he couldn’t determine whether they were memories or figments of his imagination.

_A red truck pulling away from their driveway.  Raleigh bolting out of the house.  Him chasing after Raleigh.  His younger brother yelling, then falling to the ground and crying.  Jeremy’s voice saying the words “cherry red.”_

Yancy groaned again, and this time Raleigh noticed.  His younger brother was by his side in seconds and dropped down on his knees beside Yancy.

“ _Yancy!_  What’s wrong?” Raleigh asked, his eyes round.  

Yancy kept his eyes shut and continued holding his head in his hands.  There was a distinct ringing in his ears, and he was in so much pain that he paid his brother no mind when Raleigh placed a hand on one of his arms.

“ _Yance_ …!” his brother said worriedly.  “ _Talk to me_ …!”

“Cherry Red…” Yancy said through gritted teeth.  “Who is that?”

Raleigh frowned.  “What…?  Yance, I don’t know what you—”

“Who left our driveway in a red truck?” asked Yancy.  “Did anyone…?”

It took a second for Raleigh to process his brother’s question.  Then his eyes widened in realization.

“ _Oh_ …” said Raleigh.  “ _That_ …Yance, I…”

Yancy opened his eyes which were now red as a side effect from his headache.  “You were crying...who was in that truck, Raleigh?”

Raleigh shook his head sadly.  “If you’re remembering what I think you are…”

Yancy frowned slightly.  “So the memory _is_ real…?”

Raleigh half-smiled and nodded.  “Yeah...I’m pretty sure.”

“So who was it?” asked Yancy.

“...our dad,” said Raleigh.  

Yancy frowned.   “He left us?”

“Yeah,” Raleigh said, nodding.

“He...he say why?” Yancy asked.

Raleigh shook his head.  He placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“No.  No, he didn’t, Yancy,” said Raleigh.  “But it didn’t matter in the end.”

His older brother’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion.  “It didn’t?”

“No, it didn’t,” Raleigh confirmed.  “Because you were here to take care of me.”

Raleigh brushed back a few strands of Yancy’s hair and looked intently in his older brother’s eyes.  Yancy wasn’t sure whether or not the younger man noticed, but their faces were hovering fairly close together.  There was a brief moment where Yancy thought about leaning in even closer and the idea confused him, because he didn’t understand why he would want to and for what purpose.  His brother smiled warmly at him.

“This time it’s my turn to take care of you,” Raleigh said softly.  

The younger man got up and wiped the dust off his knees.  He held out his right hand towards Yancy.

“Come on,” said Raleigh.  “Let’s go back inside.”

Without thinking, Yancy reached out with his left hand.  Raleigh helped him up and clasped their hands together.  Yancy was still in a bit of a daze from the impact of the memory, and so he didn’t think twice about the fact that the two of them were still holding hands all the way back to their house.  It wasn’t until they were back inside that Yancy noticed, and his younger brother’s face flushed a light pink when Yancy extricated his hand from Raleigh’s, somewhat awkwardly.

“Sorry…” Raleigh said with a small smile.

Yancy shook his head.  “...that’s all right.”

A bit of a tense silence fell between them.  Raleigh shifted the weight on his feet.  Surprisingly, it was Yancy who spoke up first.

“I think I’m beat,” Yancy said, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Ah, yeah…” Raleigh said with a small nod.  “It’s been a long day, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it has,” Yancy said with a half-smile.  “...you ready to call it a night, kid?”

It was the right call.  Raleigh smiled a little at the endearment.

“Sure, Yance,” Raleigh said.  “You go first.”

Again, Yancy felt something like a tiny prickle in the back of his mind.  He found himself relaxing a little; there was something oddly comfortable about this.

“What are you, five?” Yancy asked with a soft chuckle.  “You like being my tail that much?”

The older man wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he had been expecting, but certainly not the one Raleigh ended up giving him.  The younger man blushed furiously.

“F-fine…!  I’ll go first,” Raleigh said as he tried to brush past his brother.

Yancy didn’t know what came over him then, but he suddenly felt the urge to tease Raleigh.  The older man reached out and grabbed his brother by the waist, causing Raleigh’s face to grow more red.  The younger man couldn’t seem to decide between laughing or feeling more embarrassed.

“H-hey!”

Yancy pressed his cheek against Raleigh’s and whispered playfully into his brother’s ear.  “I’m just messing with you, kid.”

He then spun Raleigh around before walking quickly up the stairs.  Yancy missed the stunned look on Raleigh’s face as his younger brother stood where he was, arms slightly raised in shock.  After a couple seconds, the younger man shook his head to clear it, and then slowly glanced over his shoulder up the stairs.  Yancy was already in their room and out of sight.  The younger man’s mind was reeling and his body was shaking slightly as he made his way up the steps.  

He was further surprised when he placed his hand on the doorknob of their shared bedroom and his older brother opened the door before he could.  Raleigh blinked and Yancy smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry...when you didn’t come in right away I thought I upset you or something,” said Yancy.

“...what?  N-no!  Not at all,” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “I...well, it was just unexpected.”

“Ah...so that wasn’t good,” said Yancy.

“No!” Raleigh said quickly.  “It was fine.  I just didn’t see it coming, is all.”

“Oh, all right,” said Yancy.  “So it was good then.”

“Y-yeah…!” Raleigh said with a small smile.  “All good.”

“Good…” Yancy said, his brows furrowing slightly together.  “Because it...it felt right.”

“Did it?” Raleigh said, trying to keep the disbelief out of his voice.

He was still in a slight state of wonder—Raleigh couldn’t remember a single time where Yancy had been so playful with him in the past; their relationship had always been so intense.  He would be lying if he said that he didn’t appreciate the change, as foreign as it was to him.  Part of him hoped that if Yancy did ever fully remember who he was, that’d he’d retain this new side to himself.

“Yeah, it did,” Yancy said with a smile.  “Now...you want to hit the shower first, or should I?”

“You can go,” said Raleigh.  “Want me to get your clothes out for you?”

His older brother raised an eyebrow at him.  “Is that the kind of relationship we had before?”

Raleigh blinked.  “Huh…?  What?”

Yancy chuckled.  “I’m asking—did we always have the kind of relationship where you picked out my clothes?”

“Oh,” Raleigh said, his face starting to turn red again for what felt like the millionth time that day.  “N-no...I just thought...since you don’t remember where everything is…?”

“Ah, that makes sense,” Yancy said with a nod.

Raleigh’s eyes grew round when Yancy reached out a hand and ruffled his hair.  The younger man was becoming overwhelmed with a million thoughts.  He tried to remember a time before now where his brother had been this affectionate with him without being forceful at the same time.  He couldn’t.

“Might as well show me though, yeah?” asked Yancy.  “Since it’s not like you’re my maid or anything.”

Raleigh shook his head.  “I don’t mind, really…”

“Well, in any event, I’d still like to know,” said Yancy.  

Raleigh nodded.  “Alright, then.”

He went over to their walk-in closet and opened the door.  Raleigh tried to ignore the heat he felt from his brother as the older man was in close proximity, looking over his shoulder.  Raleigh gestured to the right side.

“That’s all your stuff,” he said.  “My things are to the left.”

Yancy’s eyes made a quick scan of the closet before he looked at his brother.  “We have similar tastes, huh?”

Raleigh gave a slight shrug.  “It comes with the Drift.”

“The Drift, huh?” said Yancy.  “What’s that about?”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “It’s a bit complicated…”

“All right,” Yancy said with a nod.  “Tell me after we’ve both washed up?”

Raleigh’s smile grew a bit more.  “Sure, Yance.”

His older brother then stepped in front of his half of the closet and placed his hands on his hips as he looked over the clothes.  “Now, let’s see…”

“How about the dark green shirt and the pants hanging off the same hanger?” Raleigh suggested softly.

Yancy’s eyes settled on the outfit his brother was referring to, and a small smile formed on his face.  He reached for the clothes and pulled them off the rack.

“Yeah…” he said.  “This looks fine.”

For a minute, Raleigh had seriously considered wrapping his arms around his brother’s waist and burying his face in his brother’s back, but he had ended up deciding against it.  As strong as his desire was, there was no telling how his brother would respond to the interaction, and Raleigh knew better than to take the risk; after all, it seemed that they were already making such progress.

It was strange too, Raleigh thought.  In the past, he had held mixed feelings when it came to touching and being touched by his brother.  Now, he wanted to be held by the older man more than anything else.  Perhaps it had a lot to do with the fact that his brother seemed so _calm_ now.  There was no fear in Raleigh’s heart now, only a growing need.

Yancy smiled at him as he walked by.  “See you in a few minutes, kid.”

Raleigh smiled back.  “All right.”

About an hour or so later, both men were clean and changed into a fresh set of clothes.  They were sitting on Yancy’s bed, going through some photos together—the ones that Raleigh hadn’t hung up on their wall.  They were sitting close together, shoulder to shoulder, and Raleigh filled his brother in on all the stories that went along with each photograph.  He pointed out significant people Yancy once knew, like Tendo, Herc, Marshal Pentecost, and other individuals that worked with them in the PPDC.  At some point, Raleigh rested his head on his brother’s shoulder, and his eyes started to droop as Yancy continued going through the pictures.  

Yancy flipped to a photograph where he and his brother were standing in front of some building, smiling.  He pressed his cheek against the top of his brother’s head.

“Hey, Raleigh,” said Yancy.  “What’s the story behind this one?”

The only response he received was the sound of his brother’s light breathing.  Yancy frowned and looked over at his shoulder.  Raleigh’s eyes were closed and he was fast asleep.  Yancy chuckled, a small smile forming on his face.  He carefully readjusted themselves and slowly lowered Raleigh’s head down onto his lap.  He did his best to try to straighten his brother’s body out into a more comfortable position on the bed.  After doing so, he found himself taking a good look at his brother’s sleeping face.  Yancy’s eyebrows furrowed together lightly as he lifted a hand and slowly began tracing his brother’s features with his fingers.  

He felt a strange sensation stir in his chest when Raleigh let out a contented sigh.  He couldn’t explain the heat that rose in his cheeks.  Yancy wondered if there was a word for what he was feeling in that moment.  

At some point, his hand began to wander and moved into Raleigh’s hair, brushing it back.  He smiled when Raleigh unconsciously leaned into his touch.

Yancy slowly pressed his back against the wall and tilted his head.  He continued stroking his brother’s blonde hair until his own eyes eventually fluttered shut.  

When Raleigh woke up several hours later, it was still light in the room because the brothers had left the lights on while they had been looking at the pictures.  It took him several seconds to reorient himself and realize that he had dozed off.  

Raleigh stretched a little and then turned his head.  That’s when he realized that his head was settled in his brother’s lap.  Raleigh’s eyes trailed upward to his brother’s sleeping face.  His brother appeared sleeping rather peacefully, despite his position.  Raleigh quietly watched the rise and fall of his brother’s chest.  Raleigh slowly lowered his gaze back down and before he realized what he was doing, he had reached up a hand to lightly brush his fingertips over his brother’s waistband.  His face immediately grew hot when he caught himself fantasizing about tugging them down and placing his mouth around his unsuspecting brother’s flesh.  He felt a rush of blood go straight to his groin and without thinking, he jumped up and bolted from the bed.  The sudden movement caused Yancy’s head to smack lightly against the wall.  The older man frowned and began to stir.

“Mm...Raleigh…?” Yancy murmured as he rubbed tiredly at his face with his hands.  “What’s goin’ on…?”

The older man realized he wasn’t talking to anyone when he opened his eyes and let them adjust to the change.  The room was empty and the bedroom door was slightly open; Raleigh hadn’t closed it behind him when he had rushed out of the room.

Yancy groaned and cracked his neck.  He slowly changed his position and laid down on his bed so that he could stretch himself out.  After cracking his back and letting out a satisfied sigh, Yancy rubbed at one of his eyes with the palm of one hand and stepped out of bed.  He poked his head out of their bedroom door.

“Raleigh…?” Yancy called.

He frowned when there was no answer.  He strained to hear any signs of movement when he stepped out into the hall.  He followed the sound of a low rumble, which seemed to be coming from further down the hall.  Raleigh passed the bathroom that he and his brother were sharing, and for the first time he noticed the door to the master bedroom at the end of the hall, which was closed.  Yancy walked up to it and pressed his ear against it, listening to see if the sound he thought he was hearing was coming from within.  It was.  

Yancy knocked on the door and called for his brother again.  “...Raleigh?”

When there was no reply, Yancy pushed open the door and the buzzing sound was replaced by the more distinct sound of a shower running.  Yancy took a brief look around the room and found nothing that looked familiar to him.  He stopped for a moment by a photograph sitting on a nightstand by the king-sized bed and examined it.  It was a man and a woman holding a pair of boys with smiles on their faces.  Yancy could only assume that the man and woman were the children’s parents, and that the pair of boys were himself and Raleigh.  He set the picture back down where he found it.  

The door to the bathroom had been left slightly ajar, and Yancy walked towards it.  Yancy had been about to push the door open when he thought he saw a glimpse of his brother.  Out of curiosity, Yancy angled his head to get a better look, and his eyes widened in shock when he realized what it was he was seeing.

His younger brother was naked and was partly leaning against the tiled wall, letting the water from the shower run down his back.  Raleigh had one hand around his unmistakable erection, and was pumping up and down earnestly.  Yancy felt the blood rush to his own nether region, and despite a huge part of him advising himself to walk away, Yancy found that he was frozen to the spot, unable tear his eyes away from his brother’s current state of arousal.  What snapped him out of it was the name his brother uttered when he finally came.

“Nn... _Yancy_ …!”

The older man gasped and stumbled back, almost tripping over himself in the process.  He turned and bolted from the room, though taking care not to slam the door behind him when he left.  Yancy rushed back into their room and made sure to leave their bedroom door at approximately the same angle his brother had left it in before scrambling into his bed, pulling the covers around him and feigning sleep.  Minutes later, he heard Raleigh walk into the room.  He heard the younger man shut their door and flick off the lights before slipping into his own bed with a small sigh.  When he was sure Raleigh wasn’t going to try and see if he was awake, Yancy slowly opened his eyes.  His mind was racing with a million thoughts.  He couldn’t get out of his mind the sight of his brother’s bare form, trembling as he called out Yancy’s name.  The older man wondered what that could mean.

At the same time, on the other side of the room, Raleigh was faring no better in his attempts at falling asleep.  Even though he had relieved himself of his physical tension, there was still the emotional part of him that remained dissatisfied.  He wrapped his covers around himself tightly, all the while wishing it were his brothers arms around him instead.  

Eventually, the two brothers were able to fall asleep, though it took them both considerable effort and time to do so.  That night, Raleigh and Yancy unknowingly entered the Drift.  Ghost-Drifting wasn’t completely unheard of between pilots, but being able to do so was heavily dependent on the strength of the bond shared.  In Yancy and Raleigh’s case, the link that bridged their minds together had developed into something more permanent, like a muscle.  And like any other organ, if not exercised regularly, the connection was susceptible to weakening.  At the same time, there were also opportunities to make it stronger again, which was what was happening for the brothers now.  The events that had taken place prior to their falling asleep were the triggers for what happened next that evening.

Yancy found himself in Raleigh’s dream.  His younger brother was reliving the night of the older man’s death.  Even though he knew the memories were just as much his as they were his brother’s, Yancy couldn’t help but feel rather detached from it all, perhaps because he had still yet to recall what had been going through his own mind at the time when everything had happened.  What he did feel though, was every emotion running through his younger brother.  Yancy found himself overwhelmed by Raleigh’s sense of dread, pain, and fear.  Oddly enough, it was his brother’s feelings of sheer terror that Yancy became fixated upon.  

 _They were hooked to some kind of machine._  Yancy looked down at his hands and saw that they were gloved.  When he looked over to his left, his brother’s face was contorted into an expression of pure panic.  Yancy frowned.  His brother was shouting something at him, but Yancy was too disoriented to make any sense of it.  Suddenly, he felt himself being pulled and flung out, and then that’s when the brothers entered his half of the dream.

Now that Raleigh knew how Yancy had been found, the visions where it felt like he was tumbling uncontrollably in ocean water made sense.  They had never been his memories or nightmares—these were all things that had happened to his brother Yancy after being mercilessly flung out of their Jaeger by the Kaiju they had been fighting.

When they reached the point in the dream where Yancy’s head connected hard with something, causing him to black out, both brothers simultaneously sat upright in their beds.  Yancy woke up with just his breathing ragged, but his younger brother woke up screaming.  It took Yancy a second to clear his head, but as soon as he did, Yancy immediately rushed over to Raleigh’s side and wrapped his arms around his brother’s trembling frame.

“Shhh...shhh...it’s okay,” Yancy said, running his hands soothingly through his brother’s hair and down his back.  “I’m here...it’s all right…”

Raleigh shook his head and spoke between sobs.  “I...I don’t know why...I just thought I was going to lose you again for some reason…!  It felt so real…”

Yancy sighed and climbed onto his brother’s bed so that he could get a better hold around the other man.  “I know...it’s all right, kid.”

When Raleigh spoke again, his voice still shook with emotion but he was otherwise calmer than before.  “...you know what I’m most afraid of now, Yance?”

The older man slightly shrugged one shoulder.  Raleigh was tucked between his brother’s legs, his head leaning against his brother’s chest.  Yancy continued raking his fingers gently through the younger man’s hair.  Raleigh brushed his hand against his brother’s thigh absentmindedly as he stared off into space.

“It’s the irrational thought that maybe right now _this_ is the dream,” Raleigh whispered.  “That one day I’m going to wake up and find out that I’ve made this all up...that you’re still dead, not really here, and that we never found each other…”

Yancy chuckled softly.  “But you know that’s not true, kid.”

“I know,” said Raleigh.  “Believe me...I’m glad that’s not the case…”

Raleigh turned his head to look up at his brother.  He snaked a hand around the back of his brother’s neck and made the other man dip his head lower.  Raleigh nuzzled his nose against his older brother’s cheek and closed his eyes.

“The truth is…” Raleigh said softly.  “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you again, Yance.  I don’t think I could handle the pain of losing you twice.”

Yancy half-smiled and wrapped his arms around his brother tighter.  He tried to ignore the tingle of his skin where Raleigh was pressed against him, in addition to the flutter in his heart as Raleigh leaned even more into his embrace.  Now was not the time to wonder about those feelings.  He felt Raleigh grip his hand tightly around part of his shirt.  The younger man spoke his next words through gritted teeth.

“Don’t.  Leave me.  Again.”

Yancy let out a short sigh.  “I’ll do my best not to, kid…”

Raleigh’s voice trembled.  “ _Please_ …”

Unable to help himself, Yancy pressed a firm kiss to his brother’s forehead.  He tried to untangle himself from his brother, but Raleigh refused and just clung on tighter.  Yancy chuckled and let out another small sigh.

“Look, kid...we’re not going to get any sleep this way,” he said softly.  “Let’s at least try to get into a more comfortable position, yeah?”

His younger brother hesitated.  “...you won’t leave?”

Yancy laughed a little.  “Well, with the way you’re latching on to me right now, I don’t plan on it.  M’not exactly looking for a fight you know...”

He smiled when Raleigh responded after a pause.  “Yeah...all right then.”

The two adjusted their positions and soon they were laying side-by-side in the bed.  Yancy spread apart his arms and Raleigh quickly tucked himself in between.  His older brother laughed as he wrapped the covers around them both.  Yancy was surprised to find that he was already feeling sleepy again once his younger brother settled in.  

Yancy smiled as he ran his fingers through his brother’s hair.  “Hey, Raleigh…?”

Raleigh hummed into his older brother’s chest.  “Hm…?”

Yancy chuckled softly.  “Is it my fault you grew up to be such a spoiled brat?”

His younger brother’s body shook with quiet laughter.  “Mm...pretty much, yeah…”

The older man laughed.  “Ah...I see…”

Yancy was the first to fall back asleep.  After a few minutes, Raleigh pulled slightly away from his older brother’s chest and traced a finger gently up and down the center.

“Hey, Yance…?” he whispered.  “...you sleeping?”

The sound of his brother’s slow and steady breathing was his answer.  A small smile formed on Raleigh’s face.  

He tried again, a little louder this time.  “Hey, _Yancy_ …”

His brother was still fast asleep, breathing softly.  Raleigh lifted his head and tried to get a better look at his brother’s face.  It was too dark to see all of the fine details, but it was still enough for Raleigh.  The younger man lifted one of his hands and ran a thumb across his brother’s lower lip.  

“I love you…” Raleigh whispered.  “Come back to me, please…”

He then lifted his head a little higher so that he could press his lips against his brother’s.  When he pulled away, Yancy’s lips had slightly parted.  Raleigh slowly settled himself into a more comfortable position in his brother’s arms and eventually went back to sleep as well.  He didn’t experience another nightmare that night.    
  
In his dreams, Yancy felt something soft and warm press against his lips.  It felt pleasantly familiar, even if he had no idea what it was.


	6. Conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...so this is short...but...only because this chapter didn't turn out the way I had in mind! LOL. Next one will probably be a lot longer, since the half I meant to put in here, I think is going to work better there and...oh whatever. An update is an update, right? Lolol.
> 
> For the lovely SublimeDiscordance, Hardyness, and bluebluebonnet~ More fluff, just for y'all~ Because we all know what's coming eventually~! Mwahahaha. Yeah, I'm totally not telling you guys when. ('Cause where would the fun in that be, eh? ;p)
> 
> Hope you all enjoy the update!! Got a long weekend coming up this weekend, so you know what that means for you guys!! :D

If this was what being brothers was about, Yancy thought, he could do this.  It was a bit strange for him at first, but Yancy found that it didn’t take much to keep his brother happy.  For the most part, Raleigh just seemed content being within close proximity of him.  Sure, he thought it was a little strange that as brothers and at their age, Raleigh liked to do things like curl up against him when they were watching television or sleeping beside him in the same bed, but at the same time Yancy didn’t mind it all that much.  In fact, his wanting to be close to his brother was becoming less of him trying to be who he thought he once was to his brother.  Now, he was finding himself naturally wanting to be around Raleigh as much as he could.  The feeling felt familiar and foreign to him, all at the same time.

Their first night alone together seemed to have created a positive shift in their relationship.  In the weeks that followed, outwardly, the two brothers appeared to be resuming where they had left off.  Yancy was becoming less reserved towards his brother by the day, and Raleigh was starting to smile more easily and more often.  The only person who recognized any clear differences in their relationship from before was Raleigh.  As much as he enjoyed this new side to his brother, Raleigh was starting to realize he missed some of the physical closeness that they had shared before.  Not so much general physical interaction, because Yancy was allowing him plenty of that, but Raleigh found that he honestly missed the deeper level of intimacy.

Raleigh was shocked at first, to discover that he did.  For years, he had felt that Yancy hadn’t given him much of a choice, and he never had a chance to sort out his own feelings and figure out what they were.  Ever since Yancy’s return, however, Raleigh had taken the time to think about it.

As far as Raleigh knew, he’d always loved his brother for as long as he could remember; that was never a question.  The real point at issue had always been the previous intensity of the physical aspect of their relationship.  Eventually, Raleigh came to the conclusion that the core of what had been bothering him about the way things used to be between them came down to the question of what Yancy’s motives had been.  Raleigh remembered not hating his brother’s touch when he could tell his brother was embracing him with love; he had only hated it when Yancy was being driven by unreasonable jealousy and just the raw need to _control_.

On the one hand, Raleigh found himself grateful that the current situation between his brother and himself had given him the chance to figure things out, but that knowledge had become a double-edged sword.  As embarrassing it was for him to admit, Raleigh was starting to develop a growing frustration towards their current dynamic.

It didn’t help that Yancy was really settling into his role as the big brother.  As a result, one day, without realizing it, he ended up taking things a step too far.  He and Raleigh had been eating dinner at their kitchen table when Yancy brought up the subject.

“So, Raleigh…”

The younger man looked up from his meal.  “Yeah, Yance?”

Yancy tilted his head to one side.  “You’re twenty-seven now, aren’t you?”

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah, why?”

Yancy shook his head.  “How come I’ve never seen you with a girlfriend…?”

Raleigh almost choked on his food.  He swallowed what was in his mouth before giving his brother a slight frown.

“What...what are you talking about, Yance?”

“I mean, I don’t even think I’ve seen you hang out with anyone else your age,” Yancy said with a slight shrug.

Raleigh dabbed at his lips with a napkin.  “So...is that a problem…?”

“No, not really,” Yancy said, shaking his head some more.  “I guess I’m just curious about it, is all.  Figured a kid your age should still be running around, playing the field or whatever.”

Raleigh scrunched his nose.  “I’m not much younger than you are, Yance…”

His older brother laughed.  “Ah, yeah...that’s true.  Still, I’m surprised you’re not out there doing your thing, kid.”

Raleigh’s expression darkened.  Yancy, somehow oblivious to his brother’s change in mood, continued happily munching away at his food.

After a few seconds of silence, Raleigh spoke up.  “What do you care, anyhow?”

Yancy shrugged.  “Well, it’s my job, isn’t it?  As your big brother?  Show you off to the ladies?”

Raleigh angrily stabbed at his food with his fork.  “Well...what if I told you I wasn’t into women?”

His brother froze for a moment and blinked.  Yancy’s face flushed a light pink.

“Oh…”

“Yeah,” Raleigh said with a half-smile.  “ _Oh_.”

Yancy shook his head and seemed to quickly recover.  He began to work on his food again.

“So no girls then,” said Yancy.  “That’s all right.”

Raleigh snorted.  “Yeah...it better be all right.”

Yancy raised an eyebrow.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“ _I don’t know_ …!” Raleigh said as he smacked his fork down on the table and scooted his seat back roughly against the floor, making a loud scraping noise.

Yancy frowned.  “Hey, where are you going?”

“Upstairs,” Raleigh said angrily, throwing out his food in the trash and letting all his silverware clatter into the sink.  “M’not hungry anymore.”

The younger man then stormed off.  Yancy quickly shoved another couple bites into his mouth before abandoning his plate and rushing after his brother.  

“Hey!  Raleigh!  Wait!”

Raleigh didn’t stop, and used his head start to his advantage.  He stomped all the way up the stairs, went into their bedroom, and then slammed the door shut with a loud crack.  When Yancy finally caught up and reached the door, he found that he couldn’t open it.

Yancy held the door knob in one hand while smacking the palm of his other hand against the door.  “Hey!  Raleigh!  Open up!”

His brother’s muffled voice came through from the other side.  “Go away, Yance.”

Yancy frowned and continued slapping his hand on the door.  “C’mon, Raleigh!  You can’t lock me out!  We share this room, remember?”

“ _Can_ and _did_ ,” Raleigh said stubbornly.

“ _Come on_ , Rals!” Yancy said with a sigh.  “Just tell me what it is I did wrong!  Is it because you think I have a problem with you liking other men?  Because that doesn’t really bother me at all, kid.  You can like whoever you want—I don’t care.”

There was a slight pause.  “...what did you say?”

Yancy’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.  “That I don’t have a problem with you being gay?”

“No...no, before that,” said Raleigh.

His voice sounded a little clearer then, and so Yancy assumed his brother was now standing by the door.  Yancy scratched at the back of his head.

“Uh...I don’t know?” Yancy said, confused.

Raleigh sighed.  “Yeah you do, Yance.  What did you _call_ me?”

Yancy frowned a little as he thought about it for a moment, then he took a guess.  “...Rals?”

He heard the click of the door being unlocked.  Raleigh slowly opened the door and leaned against it, half of his body hidden behind the door.  The younger man let out a soft sigh.

“Yeah...that’s the one,” Raleigh said with a half-smile.

He opened the door a little wider and allowed Yancy to step inside.  His older brother shook his head incredulously.

“ _Seriously?_ ” he asked.  “That’s all it took?”

Raleigh frowned.  “Don’t make me regret it—you’re still in the doghouse.”

“For _what?!_ ” Yancy asked with exasperation.  “Would you please at least tell me what exactly I did wrong?”

“No!” Raleigh said as he flopped dejectedly onto his bed, turning his back towards Yancy.  

“Well _why not?_ ” Yancy asked, annoyed.

The younger man folded his arms over his chest.  “Because you wouldn’t understand, anyway, even if I _did_ tell you.”

Yancy sighed and walked over to his brother.  Raleigh’s bed dipped slightly where the older man sat on it.  The younger man let out a small huff of resignation when Yancy began gently stroking at his hair and closed his eyes as he leaned into the touch.  The older man shook his head and chuckled a little, despite himself.

“Just what is your problem today, huh?” he asked softly.  “I don’t get why you’re so riled up…”

Raleigh let out a small sigh.  “Forget about it, Yance…”

Yancy half-smiled.  “C’mon, kid.  Stop being so childish.”

When his younger brother didn’t respond, a slightly mischievous grin appeared on Yancy’s face.  He leaned forward and hovered his lips close to his brother’s ear.

“All right...I think I know just exactly how to fix this problem,” he said.

The older man was somewhat encouraged by the slight quirking at the corner of Raleigh’s lips.  His younger brother’s eyes were still closed.  Yancy drew his hand back from his brother’s hair and brought both his hands just above his brother’s waist.

“I’m gonna turn that frown of yours upside-down with a good ol’ remedy that I know has worked on people for _years_ ,” said Yancy.  “Say hello to… _the tickle monster!_ ”

Raleigh’s eyes shot open just before his older brother launched his attack.  He whipped around quickly and held his arms up in defense.

“Hey...what?!  Wait!” Raleigh shouted.  “ _Augh!_ ”

He had moved quickly, but his brother had been faster by a fraction.  Soon, the laughter of both men filled the room as Raleigh’s body twitched and the younger man tried unsuccessfully to launch a counterattack.  Finally, Raleigh had to settle for just smacking at his brother’s arms.

“Damn it, Yancy!  No…!  Please…!   _Stop_ …!” Raleigh pleaded, laughing at the same time with tears streaming down his face.  “No...no more!  I can’t take it…!”

Yancy grinned wildly.  “Should’ve thought of that before you decided to go all cranky on me, kid!”

“Ugh!  I hate you, Yance!” Raleigh said in-between gasps for air.

His older brother chuckled and finally stopped torturing his brother.  He pinned Raleigh’s hands over the younger man’s head and brought his face closer to his brother’s.

“No, you don’t,” Yancy said softly with a warm smile, looking into his brother’s eyes.

Raleigh blushed, still breathing a little ragged.  The two stared at each other in silence for a little while.  For a moment, a look of uncertainty flashed across the older man’s face.  Raleigh felt disappointment rise in his chest when his brother finally cleared his throat and pulled away, rolling over beside his brother on the bed.

Yancy reached out a hand and ruffled his younger brother’s hair affectionately.  “ _So_...feeling any better, kid?”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “What, after you tried to tickle me to death…?”

Yancy gave the younger man a slight shrug.  “Hey, but it worked, didn’t it?”

Raleigh pulled one of Yancy’s arms towards him and rested his head on top of it along with a hand which he curled partly around his brother’s arm.

“Hm...yeah,” he said.  “I guess so.”

Yancy chuckled and brushed back some of Raleigh’s hair with his free hand.  “But really, I don’t get why you were so upset…”

Raleigh buried his face into his brother’s arm and groaned.  “ _Ugh_ …!  And moment... _ruined_.”

Yancy frowned.  “Hey!  I’m just trying to understand.”

His younger brother shook his head.  “Well, _stop that_ , because you’re _not going to_.”

“Alright, _fine_ ,” Yancy said with a small sigh.  “I’ll let it go.”

“ _Thank you_ ,” said Raleigh as he drew himself closer towards his brother.

Yancy chuckled and reached for his brother’s blanket, wrapping it around them.  He rested his head atop his brother’s.

“Listen, Raleigh…”

“Hm…?”

“I was thinking...why don’t we switch things up a little, tomorrow?” Yancy asked.

Raleigh lifted his head up to look at his brother.  “Huh?  What do you mean?”

Yancy shrugged.  “I mean, I don’t know...aren’t you tired of staying in the house all day?”

“Well, it’s fine, Yance,” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “I’m with you.”

His older brother laughed and ruffled his hair.  “Yeah, all right, kid, I get it...but there’s more to the world than me, you know?  How about work?  You haven’t even gone once this week.”

He missed the look of hurt that flashed across his brother’s face.  That look was quickly replaced with a scowl.

“Yeah, but it’s not like we really need the money anyway,” said Raleigh.  “We’ve got plenty of it from working for the PPDC.”

“We do?” asked Yancy.

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah.  We do.”

“Huh.  I didn’t know that,” Yancy said, slightly frowning.  “I guess there’s a lot I still don’t know.”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “That’s okay, Yance…”

“Still…” Yancy said, shaking his head.  “You probably shouldn’t be leaving Jeremy and his dad hanging for too long.”

Raleigh sighed.  “Yeah, okay.  I’ll give him a call later.”

“Good,” said Yancy.  “You probably shouldn’t leave him hanging too long, especially if you think about all that he’s done for us…”

“Yeah, I know,” said Raleigh.  “You’re right.”

“Mm...I should probably give him a call too,” Yancy said with a small sigh.  “Try to get to know him and his family... _again_ , I suppose.  Sure feels weird saying that, though...I feel bad that I just can’t remember ‘em.”

“It’s okay, Yancy,” said Raleigh.  “I’m sure it’ll come to you eventually.

Yancy sighed again.  “Yeah, I sure hope so, kid…”

“Maybe you should come work with us,” said Raleigh.

“What, in construction?” Yancy asked.

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah, why not?”

“Hm.  I never thought about that,” said Yancy.  “Yeah...I guess I can talk to Jeremy about that too.”

“Sounds good,” said Raleigh.

“Anyway, I still think we should go out somewhere tomorrow,” said Yancy.  “What d’you think?”

Raleigh groaned.  “Ugh, this again?”

He extricated himself from his brother and sat up in his bed.  He then glared down at Yancy.

“Okay!  Fine!” he snapped.  “Let’s go somewhere, then!  What do you suggest?”

Yancy chuckled.  “Hey, _relax_ , kid…!  I don’t know...I was thinking maybe we could go grab a couple drinks or something.”

“Yeah, okay.  Whatever,” Raleigh grumbled.

A frown started to form on his older brother’s face.  Yancy shook his head and pushed himself up into a sitting position.

“Aw, c’mon, Raleigh,” said Yancy.  “What’d I do to upset you now?”

Raleigh sighed and slumped his shoulders a little.  “Nah, don’t worry about it...it’s not your fault...I know I’m not being fair right now.  It’s just frustrating because you don’t remember…”

“Well, what am I forgetting?” asked Yancy.

“What are you…?   _Ha_ …!” Raleigh let out an ironic laugh.  “That’s a good one…”

Yancy frowned.  “Seriously, Rals...I can’t try to fix the problem if you won’t tell me what it is.”

Raleigh tucked his legs towards himself and wrapped his arms around them.  “It’s just that...well...I don’t know...I used to be enough for you, you know?”

The younger man shrugged his shoulders a little and gave his brother a half-smile.  “And now...it’s like I’m not.”

His older brother tilted his head to the side.  “What do you mean by that?”

Raleigh pressed his cheek against his knees and looked over at Yancy.  “Well...I mean the old you would have never suggested going out anywhere at all.”

Yancy was confused.  “What…?  I wouldn’t have?”

“No, you wouldn’t have,” Raleigh confirmed.  “In fact...you actually probably would have liked this arrangement that we have going on right now; me, staying pretty much by your side the whole day...just hanging out with you.”

Yancy frowned.  “That...doesn’t sound very healthy.”

“Well...maybe not,” Raleigh admitted.  “But...it’s who we were, Yance.”

“Well...maybe this’ll be good for us, who knows,” said Yancy.  “Tomorrow, I mean.”

Raleigh sighed.  “Yeah, I don’t know.  I guess.  We’ll see.”

“Alright, well...I think I’m going to call it a night for now, okay, kid?” said Yancy.

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah, okay.”

His older turned to get off of the bed.  He stopped when Raleigh grabbed him by the wrist.  Yancy glanced back at his brother and raised an eyebrow.  Raleigh gave his brother a somewhat sheepish smile.

“...stay with me?” he asked softly.

Yancy’s eyebrows furrowed together.  “You still getting nightmares, kid?”

“Mm...not really, but…” Raleigh shrugged one of his shoulders.  “I sleep better when you’re next to me.”

Yancy chuckled.  “Hm...yeah, all right.  Make room, then.”

Both men lowered themselves down onto the bed once more and rearranged their bodies so that they’d be comfortable.  Yancy laughed after they were completely settled in.

“Shit…”

“Huh?  What?” Raleigh asked.

Yancy pointed up to the ceiling.  “We totally forgot to turn off the lights.”

Raleigh groaned.  “Goddamn it…!  And I actually got into a pretty comfortable position too.”

Yancy smiled.  “Yeah, me too.”

“Nn...how about we just go to sleep with the lights on?” Raleigh mumbled.

Yancy laughed.  “I know it sucks, but let’s not be lazy, all right?  Here...I’ll do it.”

“Eh, fine,” said Raleigh.

He reluctantly let go of his brother, who rolled out of bed and went to go turn off the light.  When the room went dark, Raleigh felt more than saw his brother get back into bed, as his eyes still needed a moment to adjust.  The younger man let out a soft contented sigh as he settled back into the warmth of his brother’s body.

“Oh, shit, you know what else we forgot?” Yancy said, chuckling.

Raleigh made a small noise emit from his nose.  “Nn...I don’t know, Yance.  What?”

“Skipped the shower,” his brother replied.

The younger man gave a small shrug.  “So?  We'll take one in the morning, same as we always do.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” said Yancy.  “I’m just used to taking them twice a day.”

Raleigh chuckled.  “That’s the old you talking, I guess.”

“Really?”

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah...I know you don’t remember, but you didn’t get into that habit until _after_ we joined the PPDC.  In fact, back then at the Shatterdome, you were showering at least three to four times a day.”

Yancy laughed.  “Wow.  I must’ve thought I had some major body odor.”

“Nah…” Raleigh said, shaking his head.  “I think...I think it was more of a nervous tick for you.”

“Hm...what do you mean?” Yancy asked.

“Well, the one in the morning is normal,” said Raleigh.  “You’ve never been a morning person, so you’ve always done that just to wake yourself up.”

“Yeah?  So what about all the other times?” asked Yancy.

“Well...I mean you never said your reasons for doing it out loud,” said Raleigh.  “But I think I always felt something...in the Drift, you know?”

“Mm...the Drift,” said Yancy.  “...we never really did get around to talking about what all that was.”

Raleigh chuckled.  “Ah...oh yeah...that’s right.  We both just got so distracted going through that stack of pictures together.”

“Yeah,” said Yancy.

Raleigh adjusted himself in his brother’s arms.  “Well...basically, I’ll give you one aspect of it so that what I just said should hopefully make some sense to you.”

He felt his brother nod.  “Okay.”

“So Drifting is when your minds are connected,” said Raleigh.  “It’s first done by hooking brains together with machines.”

“...I think I’ve seen that before, in my dreams,” said Yancy.  “You and I were both suited up and hooked to a bunch of metal.”

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“Huh.  So all that _was_ real then,” said Yancy.  “Shame I don’t remember it.”

“That’s okay,” said Raleigh.

“So anyway,” said Yancy.  “Tell me more, about it, then.”

 “Yeah, all right,” said Raleigh.  “So eventually...when you’ve Drifted with someone long enough...it becomes possible to do that outside of the manual link too.”

“You mean without the help of all the suits and wiring?” Yancy asked.

Raleigh nodded.  “Precisely.  We called it Ghost-Drifting, back at the PPDC.  Where pilots can communicate with each other without speaking aloud and know each other’s thoughts while they’re being thought of.  Jeremy likes to call it ‘psychic twin shit,’ but hey, I guess that’s accurate.”

Yancy laughed.  “Yeah.  I can totally hear him saying that.”

Raleigh half-smiled.  “You know?  I’ve always meant to ask where you picked him up from…sometimes you guys are just so different.”

Yancy chuckled.  “Well, if I remember kid, I’ll let you know.”

“Please.”

“Hm...so…” said Yancy.  “Is it safe to assume you picked up whatever my reasons were for my excessive showering through that ghost link?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly right,” Raleigh said with a nod.  “At least, I think I knew the answer...again, it’s nothing you ever confirmed.”

“Nothing I ever denied either, right?” asked Yancy.

“Right,” said Raleigh.

“Then sounds like it could’ve been possible,” Yancy said with a shrug.  “So what did you think it was?”

Raleigh let out a small sigh.  “Well...I think you do it ‘cause you’re uncomfortable.”

Yancy frowned.  “You think I don’t like it here?”

“No, no...nothing like that,” said Raleigh.  “I mean, back at the PPDC, I think it was because we weren’t really allowed to go off-base very often.  We weren’t given a whole lot of vacations, mostly because the Kaiju were just a persistent threat, and the PPDC couldn’t really afford to lose anyone that could help at the most crucial moments.”

“So I got cabin fever or something?” asked Yancy.

“Yeah,” said Raleigh.  “I think it was something like that.”

“I see.”

“Anyway,” said Raleigh.  “I think you just feel like you need to do it now because you’re just not used to this place yet...like...in the back of your mind, you know it’s home, but...”

“...it’s still going to take some getting used to,” Yancy finished for him.

Raleigh half-smiled in the dark.  “Yeah.  Exactly.”

Yancy let out a small sigh.  “Well...I know one thing for sure.”

“Hm?  And what’s that?” asked Raleigh.

Yancy wrapped his arms more tightly around his brother.  “It’s that I feel comfortable here, with you.”

A small smile formed on the younger man’s face.  “Really, Yance?”

“Yeah...I think so,” Yancy said with a nod.

“Good enough for me,” said Raleigh.

The younger man yawned.  Yancy chuckled and pressed a kiss to Raleigh’s forehead.  Thankfully for Raleigh, it was dark, so Yancy couldn’t see him blush as a result of the unexpected action.

“Sweet dreams, Rals,” said Yancy.  “Sleep tight.”  
  
“Yeah…” Raleigh whispered back with a smile.  “You too, Yance.”


	7. Affliction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to get this chapter out WAY earlier, but my schedule has been ridiculously busy. Hope the content makes up for the delay!!
> 
> Many thanks to sugatasc, who recently translated some of my work into Chinese on a Chinese fansite. (No one's ever asked me if they could do that before, so it was definitely a pleasant surprise.) I made an account and checked it a couple days ago; it looked fantastic. As they promised they would, the work was credited as well, so the whole thing's just been wonderful all around. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoy this chapter. We're slowly moving towards the end! Just three more chapters!

The ride home from the bar the following evening was tense.  Both brother’s jaws were tight, and they refused to look at each other.  Raleigh had his arms folded over his chest and was staring out the window.  Yancy’s thumbs tapped impatiently on the steering wheel and he kept his eyes forward and on the road their whole way home.  To put it mildly, their outing turned out to be a disaster.

At Yancy’s suggestion, the two of them had gone to a bar as a brotherly bonding type of thing.  The evening had started off well enough; both brothers got a few drinks into them while having amicable conversation.  Then Yancy had needed to go to the restroom, and that’s when everything started to go south.

When Yancy had come out of the bathroom, there was a young man who looked about Raleigh’s age talking to his younger brother.  Yancy had thought nothing of it and had been about to approach them when the other man brushed his hand lightly against Raleigh’s arm.  Upon seeing that, Yancy had frozen.  He felt something flare up within him, but Yancy quickly repressed it.  

Clearly, the man was interested.  Yancy had thought Raleigh had been as well, since he had smiled back at the man.  It hadn’t crossed the older man’s mind that perhaps his brother was just being polite until Raleigh had tried to walk away and the other man grabbed him by the wrist, smile slightly faltering on his face.  What had finally gotten Yancy to move was the sense of trepidation he felt, which he was sure wasn’t coming from within himself.  When Yancy approached the two men and stepped between them, his brother’s admirer had been less than friendly.

“ _I’d let go of that hand, if I were you,”_ Yancy had said in a warning tone.

The other man had narrowed his eyes.  “ _Sorry, I don’t believe that this is any of your business.”_

Yancy had chuckled at that and pried the other man’s hand off his brother’s wrist.  He then wrapped an arm around his brother’s waist and pulled him in close.  

“ _Oh I believe it’s every bit my business,”_ Yancy had said with a small smirk.  “ _You understand, don’t you?”_

The other man had looked at them with disgust.  “ _So that’s how it is, eh?  Whatever.  You should keep a closer eye on that bitch of yours then, or someone might snatch him away.”_

Yancy had been about to lunge, but Raleigh held him back.  His younger brother had looked up at him and shaken his head.

“ _No, Yancy...it’s not worth it,”_ his brother had said.  “ _Let’s just go.”_

“ _Yeah, that’s right.  You listen to your little bitch,”_ the other man had said.  

In a split second, Yancy had rammed the man right into a wall and pinned him against it by the neck before Raleigh or anyone else could stop him.  The man had been effectively surprised and tried without success to pry Yancy’s hand off his neck, feet dangling a bit off the ground.  They had drawn in attention from all the other bar patrons, and the bartender had called out in a disapproving tone.

“ _Oi!  What’s all the fuss about over there?”_

Yancy had leaned in and whispered harshly into the other man’s ear.  “ _You need to learn to watch your mouth, buddy.  This happens again?  Next time I’ll crush your windpipe.  That’s a promise.”_

After that, he had let go of the man and let him crumple to the ground, wheezing.  Yancy had paid no mind to the shocked bar patrons or at the bartender yelling at them to get out.  He just took Raleigh by the hand and muttered that they were leaving before dragging his younger brother outside.  

“ _What was that in there, huh?”_ Raleigh had said angrily once they were outside, shaking his hand out of his brother’s grasp.

Yancy had frowned at him.  “ _Excuse me?  I’m pretty sure I just defended your honor in there...unless, of course you_ _ **wanted**_ _that kind of attention."_

“ _Well, none of that would have happened in the first place if you had stepped in earlier!”_ Raleigh had said angrily.  “ _I know you were standing right there watching...I could feel you!”_

“ _Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t tell, all right?”_ Yancy had snapped back.  “ _I didn’t want to interrupt anything in case something was going on.”_

“ _What are you even saying?  Ugh!  Just open the damn car!”_ Raleigh had growled with frustration as he pulled on the door handle of their shared vehicle.

“ _Fine!”_ had been Yancy’s equally irritated response as he unlocked the car doors.

The two men had then popped into the car.  Once they had both settled in, Yancy started the car and drove off from the bar.  Yancy had made several attempts at conversation, but Raleigh had decided to give him the silent treatment for the rest of the ride.  

When they finally reached their house, Raleigh was unbuckled and out of the car as soon as Yancy placed it in park, not even waiting for the other man to shut down the engine and moving at a record speed.  He was already well inside and up the stairs by the time his older brother managed to catch up to him.  

Yancy grabbed the door before Raleigh could slam it shut.  “Hey!”

His younger brother made a half-hearted attempt to close the door on his brother anyway, but he gave up when Yancy pushed back with considerable force.  Raleigh’s plan was to get a change of clothes from the closet and immediately hit the shower, but Yancy wasn’t intending on letting the younger man off that easily.  

“What the hell is your problem, anyway?” asked Yancy.  

When Yancy placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder, Raleigh turned around quickly and knocked the older man square in the jaw.  Yancy’s head jerked back and he let out a scream through gritted teeth, placing a hand atop his injury.

Raleigh flared.  “You like that?  I got that move from you.  Not that you remember, or anything.”

Instead of responding, Yancy threw a punch of his own.  To his surprise, Raleigh managed to catch the blow with one of his hands.  There was an awkward moment where the two men were locked in a brief stalemate, until one of them got the idea to knock the other off-balance with their legs, and soon the two brothers were tousling about on the floor of their bedroom.  

After a bit of rolling around, Yancy finally managed to get the upper hand.  He pinned Raleigh’s legs down underneath his own, and he had Raleigh’s arms locked down above the younger man’s head.  Both were breathing harshly at this point.  

Yancy frowned and spoke breathlessly.  “You...you’re not that bad, kid.”

Raleigh spoke between his own ragged breaths, glaring at his brother.  “Well...I had to learn to defend myself at some point...didn’t I?  Since...you’re in the business of...forgetting and all.”

Yancy narrowed his eyes.  “I...resent that.”

“And I... _don’t give a shit_ ,” Raleigh huffed.

Yancy took in a short breath and shook his head.  “Seriously...I don’t understand what’s going through that head of yours right now.”

His younger brother let out a sigh and turned his head.  Yancy frowned.

“Hey…!  Look at me when I’m talking to you,” he said.

The younger man did so, but not without defiance in his expression.  A silence settled between them, and the two men stared into each other’s eyes for a moment while trying to steady their breathing.  Eventually when they did, Yancy relaxed his grip slightly on his brother’s wrists; Raleigh didn’t try to pull them away.  The older man lowered his body and brought his face closer to the younger man’s.

“Talk to me, Raleigh,” Yancy whispered finally.

His brother opened and closed his mouth several times, as if about to say something, but no words ever passed through his lips.  A couple seconds later, Yancy’s body did the opposite of what his brain was telling it to do—instead of backing off his brother and leaving him be, Yancy closed the distance between their faces and pressed his lips against Raleigh’s.  The younger man was stunned for only a second before closing his eyes and responding fervently to his brother’s kiss.  Yancy let go of his brother’s wrists so that he could caress the boy’s hair.  Once freed, Raleigh immediately snaked around his brother’s neck and up the back of his shirt.  When he moaned into his brother’s mouth, that seemed to snap Yancy out of whatever trance he was in and the older man tried to pull away from Raleigh.  

Raleigh frowned and kept his brother from drawing away any further by keeping a firm hold around the back of his brother’s neck.  He then shook his head.

“No, Yancy,” said Raleigh.  “Don’t stop.”

“What?” Yancy asked incredulously.  “What do you mean, Rals?  This is...it’s totally wrong.   _Of course_ we have to stop…!  I don’t even know what came over me, sorry...”

“ _No._  It’s _okay_ ,” Raleigh insisted.  “I _want this_ …”

Yancy shook his head and licked his lips nervously.  “Raleigh…”

“ _Yancy_ …!” his brother said with exasperation.  “Tell me this doesn’t feel right.”

When Yancy didn’t respond, Raleigh pulled himself partly up using the hand that was still curled around his brother’s neck.  He closed the distance between them once more and this time Raleigh initiated the kiss.  Yancy was hesitant to respond at first, but Raleigh was gentle in his coaxing.  Eventually, Yancy found himself giving in, and the end result was nothing short of electrifying for the both of them.  Finally, when the two parted, the older man looked down at the younger with a mixture of uncertainty and the beginnings of lust.  

Yancy shook his head.  “Raleigh...I…”

The words became caught in his throat when his younger brother stared back at him with glassy eyes.  Raleigh moved his hands and cupped them around his brother’s face.  

“I need you…” Raleigh said softly.  “I _want_ you, Yance...”

Yancy didn’t seem to know what to do at first.  Raleigh rearranged his hands again, placing them behind his brother’s neck and gently pulling the man’s head down towards him.

“ _Please_ …” Raleigh whispered.

That did the trick.  Yancy kissed him again, but more carefully this time.  Raleigh moaned with longing.  Impatient, he kissed his brother back with aggression, trying to intensify the kiss.  His attempt was successful, as Yancy soon responded in kind.  The older man was clever, pulling back in so increments so that Raleigh would follow him into a sitting position, and then eventually into a standing one.  

Yancy slowly guided his brother to the younger man’s bed and they tumbled onto it, still kissing.  Raleigh whimpered when his brother finally broke away.  Yancy looked into his younger brother’s eyes while gently brushing some of the hair out of the younger man’s face.  

“...what?” Raleigh asked after a minute.

Yancy shook his head.  “I...I don’t know...this is all so—”

“This is how we _were_ , Yance,” said Raleigh.  “ _Trust me_.”

Yancy’s eyebrows furrowed together.  “And you...you wanted this…?”

“I wanted _you_ ,” Raleigh said, craning his neck up to give his brother a quick peck on the lips.  “I always have...I _love you_ , Yance…”

His brother’s face flushed a light pink.  “I...I love you too, Rals.”

Raleigh smiled happily.  “I know…”

“ _Still_ …” Yancy said with a sigh as he nuzzled himself against Raleigh’s neck.  “I don’t know if I can do this with you now...I mean, I guess it’s kind of familiar, but I don’t know if I…”

Raleigh chuckled as he realized what his brother was saying.  He nudged his brother gently with his shoulder.

“Hey.”

Yancy lifted his head and looked at the other man.  Raleigh smiled and ran his fingers through his brother’s hair, then trailed them down his brother’s back.  

“It doesn’t have to be the same,” said Raleigh.  “I just want you, Yance... _all of you_.”

He lifted his head and gave his brother another kiss on the lips before trailing a hand down along one of Yancy’s arms.  When Raleigh reached his brother’s hand, he took hold of it and slowly guided it up his shirt.  Yancy hissed softly and tried to retract his hand, but Raleigh’s grip was firm.

“It’s okay, Yance,” Raleigh whispered.  “It really is.”

His brother was still somewhat hesitant at first, but Yancy seemed to be slowly warming to the idea as Raleigh continued guiding the older man’s hand along, mewling encouragingly.  Soon, Yancy’s hand was wandering on its own.  Raleigh arched his back and moaned with excitement when his older brother’s hands trailed around his nipples, and Yancy’s eyes began to darken with lust.  He leaned his head forward and kissed Raleigh, who was all too happy to respond.  

Yancy’s hands soon traveled down to the bottom of Raleigh’s shirt.  Still kissing his brother, he tugged it upward, interrupting their kiss only to pull the fabric up and over his brother’s head.  Soon, Raleigh did the same with him, pulling the older man’s shirt off before tugging at the waistband of his brother’s pants.  Raleigh pulled the other man’s pants and undergarments down so that they were pooling at his brother’s knees.  Yancy jerked slightly back in surprise and hissed when Raleigh touched his sensitive flesh.  He moaned and started bucking into his younger brother’s hand when Raleigh began to stroke.  At the same time, Yancy maneuvered his legs and used his feet to shed what remained of his clothes off him completely.  The only thing that remained were Raleigh’s dog tags, hanging off of his neck.  They clinked lightly with the ones Raleigh was wearing around his as they kissed.  

The older man whimpered when Raleigh released his grip so that he could undo his own pants.  Yancy helped Raleigh slide everything down and soon it was just flesh against flesh.  They rubbed against each other for a while before eventually Yancy traveled down and enveloped Raleigh into his hot mouth.  The younger man gripped tightly at his sheets and moaned loudly, arching his back.

“ _Mm_ …!   _Yance_ …!”

Encouraged, Yancy sucked his brother harder until his brother was almost at the brink.  Then he felt Raleigh push against his shoulders.

“ _Mm_...no, Yance…!  Stop…!”

Yancy did, and he looked at his younger brother curiously.  “What…?  Is it not good?”

Raleigh shook his head.  “ _Nngh_...no...it’s not that, it’s just…”

The younger man’s face flushed a light pink.  Yancy gave his brother a confused look and shrugged his shoulders slightly.

“Just what, Rals?”

Raleigh blushed a little harder as he looked into his brother’s eyes.  “...I want to...together...with you.”

“...oh,” Yancy said, his own face starting to become red.  “Yeah, of course…”

“So let’s get me ready,” said Raleigh.

The younger man took one of his brother’s hands and began to suck on several of the fingers.  Yancy looked on at his brother with a heated gaze, panting lightly.  When his younger brother seemed to have decided he had wet them enough, Raleigh released the older man’s fingers from his mouth with a loud smack.  He gave his brother a small smile and pushed Yancy’s hand gently downward.

“You know what to do…” Raleigh whispered.  “...I know you do.”

Yancy didn’t think he knew how, but his body sure seemed to think otherwise.  He was pretty sure he was moving on autopilot, as his hand trailed down to Raleigh’s entrance and he gently pressed against it.  Raleigh moaned underneath him encouragingly, and with slight hesitance, Yancy finally slipped a finger in.  He felt all the blood rush to his nether region as Raleigh made a satisfied noise.  Yancy soon added more fingers, slowly stretching his brother inside.  

Whether Raleigh felt like he was ready or he didn’t want to wait any longer, Yancy wasn’t sure, but at some point his younger brother demanded that Yancy get on with the program.  So Yancy did.

When he first thrust into his brother, Yancy almost collapsed on top of his brother; he was seeing stars.  He was overwhelmed by the sudden heat and the feeling of his brother clamping around him; Yancy almost came right then and there.  Raleigh was moaning loudly in his ear, and the overall sensation was almost too much.  They brought their lips together and kissed a few times, and Yancy eventually settled into some kind of rhythm with his brother.  

Yancy wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t know his own body or if it was just that he couldn’t remember what it was like to fuck his brother, but when he finally came, he almost wasn’t ready for it.  Raleigh had known that he had been close though, apparently, because he had managed to stroke himself to completion, releasing himself at roughly the same time Yancy unloaded his seed inside.  

The older man collapsed on top of his brother, and he felt Raleigh’s fingers lovingly stroke his hair.  His younger brother chuckled and breathed against his ear.

“That was _perfect_ , Yance…”

Yancy nuzzled the younger man’s neck before lifting his head to look at him.  His heart warmed upon seeing Raleigh’s contented smile.  The older man slowly extricated himself and rolled over to one side.  Raleigh then turned as well, pressing himself against his brother’s warm body.  Yancy wrapped his arms around the younger man, and Raleigh rested his forehead against the older man’s chest.

“I love you, Yancy,” said Raleigh.

His older brother gently squeezed his hands around Raleigh’s body.  “Yeah...I love you too, kid.”

That evening marked a new turning point in their relationship.  From then on, the two brothers stepped into a new routine.  There were no more talks of Raleigh needing to be anywhere other than at his brother’s side, and now Yancy was more than happy to have a shadow.  In fact, he was starting to show signs of his former possessive traits, and Raleigh wasn’t the only one who noticed.

At some point, the two brothers had gotten in contact with Jeremy, and they were both soon employed with the other man’s father’s construction company.  Jeremy noticed that the two men liked to stick close by each other whenever they could, and one day he mentioned his observation to them during one of their lunch breaks.

“You two are...awfully at ease around each other these days,” Jeremy said while looking between the two brothers and munching away thoughtfully on a bit of sandwich.

Raleigh smiled and leaned against his older brother’s shoulder.  Yancy’s hand had been resting on his younger brother’s hip when Jeremy had made his comment, and he used it to nudge his younger brother closer to him.  The older man gave his friend a bit of a lopsided smile.

“Hm...I guess we are,” said Yancy.

“Well...it’s good to see that,” Jeremy said after he had swallowed his food.  “Say, Yancy…?”

“Hm?” Yancy asked, raising an eyebrow.  “What’s up?”

Jeremy tilted his head.  “You starting to remember things by any chance, man?”

Yancy half-smiled and shook his head.  “No...not really.”

“Oh,” said Jeremy.  “Well then that’s interesting.  I just thought, since you two seem like you’re back on track again...”

"It doesn't matter, Jay," said Raleigh.  "We're making do with what we've got now and it's fine."

Jeremy smiled and rubbed at the back of his neck.  "Yeah.  You're probably right about that."

His father called over to them.  "Lunch break's over boys!  Back to work!"

"Yeah, all right, old man!" Jeremy shouted back after finishing what remained of his meal.

Jeremy looked back at his friends and smiled at them.  He got up and brushed himself off.

"You two take your time, all right?" said Jeremy.  "He really only means me."

Yancy laughed.  "Nah, man.  It's all right.  I think we're pretty much done here too, aren't we, Rals?"

Raleigh nodded.  "Yeah.  We're good.  Let's go!"

The three men got up and Raleigh took the lead.  He nudged at his brother playfully as he passed by.

"Hey, Yance!" Raleigh said, smiling back at his brother.  "Race you to the tools!"

Yancy's lips curled into a smile.  "You're on, kid."

The brothers laughed as they broke out into a run.  Jeremy shook his head in amusement and called out after them.

"Hey!  This is a place of work, not a playground!"  
  
He chuckled when the brothers ignored him, too absorbed in their childish race.  Jeremy let out a sigh and shoved his hands into his pockets.  He watched the two brothers with a bittersweet smile on his face before digging out a slightly crushed pack of cigarettes and a lighter from one of his pockets.  He lit one up and looked up at the sky as he blew out a steady stream of smoke.  Jeremy then put the almost finished pack back into his pocket along with the lighter and made quick work of the cigarette before heading back to work.

Jeremy never got to find out who the winner was, or even if the brothers had even wagered on anything.  By the time he got back to the main part of the construction site, both Raleigh and Yancy were already busy with work.  Jeremy chuckled occasionally as he watched the two brothers work together from the corner of his eye whilst working on his own portion of their current job.  

The day passed by quickly, and the sun set before anyone knew it.  Jeremy walked with the brothers to their cars as usual after they got off work.  When they neared their cars, Yancy whispered something in Raleigh’s ear and handed his brother the keys to their car.  The younger man nodded and gave Jeremy a wave before heading to their car.

“See you tomorrow, Jay!”

Jeremy lifted his own hand in farewell.  He looked over and raised an eyebrow at Yancy, who had stayed behind.

“You’re not going with him?” Jeremy asked.

Yancy shook his head.  “No, I will...I just...I don’t know.  Thought we could talk for a bit?”

Jeremy blinked.  “Oh.  Uh...sure.  What about?”

Yancy shrugged a shoulder.  “I don’t know...I just thought you looked real out of it today.  Something going on?  Want to talk about it?”

Jeremy didn’t know how to respond at first, but then he laughed.  Apparently he hadn’t been the only one making observations that day.  Thinking back on how distracted Yancy had seemed with Raleigh that day, Jeremy couldn’t help wondering when his friend could have possibly had the time to notice anything else.

He chuckled and shook his head.  “No, man...don’t worry about it.”

Yancy frowned.  “All right...but seriously, if you ever need to talk, well...I’m here for you too.  I mean...I might not remember much, but that’s what friends are for right?  We’re here to listen to one another?”

Jeremy couldn’t help but to throw back his head and laugh at that.  He laughed even harder when Yancy looked at him and gave him a confused expression.  Jeremy bent over and held his knees, trying to control his laughter.  After a few moments Jeremy finally managed to contain himself and stood up, one arm holding his waist.

“Hoo boy!” Jeremy said as he wiped tears out of his eyes.  “That’s probably the funniest shit I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.”

Yancy seemed uncertain whether to be annoyed or amused.  “You losing it, man?”

Jeremy shook his head, a small smile on his face.  “No, dude...you don’t understand...we’ve never had that kind of friendship.”

Yancy raised an eyebrow.  “What do you mean?”

“Well,” said Jeremy.  “Obviously you don’t remember, but...back in the day, our relationship was more the type where if we weren’t getting under each other’s skin, then we were definitely busy trying to kick each other’s asses.”

Yancy frowned.  “And we were friends?”

“Hey, don’t sound so shocked.  That’s just how we were,” Jeremy said with a chuckle.  “I’m starting to wonder though.”

“About what?” Yancy asked.

Jeremy shrugged.  “About a lot of things, man…”

“Such as?”

“Like who you seem to be now as opposed to who you were before,” said Jeremy.  “I mean, we get along great now—hell, I never could’ve imagined this.  I swear to you, if you had told the me back in high school that we’d someday end up getting along this great, I would’ve called bullshit.  Makes me wonder though, if things will go back the way they were if you do get your memory back.  I don’t know.  Then again, maybe we were just fucking young and stupid.”

“That bad?” asked Yancy.

Jeremy shook his head.  “I wouldn’t go _that_ far...we just didn’t see eye-to-eye on  some things.  Our personalities just clashed.”

A small pain seared through Yancy’s head and the blonde brought a hand up to his temple.  “Mmn…”

Jeremy frowned.  “Hey, you all right, bro?”

The vision Yancy saw flash in his mind reminded him an awful lot of when a similar thing happened back when he recalled his father abandoning him and Raleigh, so Yancy was pretty sure what he was seeing then was another memory.  This time, it was a brunette with hazel eyes that looked incredibly familiar to him, smiling.   _Kyle_.  Yancy remembered Jeremy helping him identify the man who sometimes appeared in his memories back when he was in the hospital.  In the memory, Kyle was laughing at him and saying something.

“ _You’re both too damn alike, that’s why.  Fucking hot tamales.”_

He felt Jeremy nudge his shoulder.  “ _Yancy_.”

Yancy closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.  The pain soon disappeared.  When he opened his eyes, his friend was looking at him in concern.

“You all right, man?” Jeremy asked.

Yancy nodded slowly.  “Yeah...I just...I think I just remembered something.”

Jeremy’s eyes widened slightly.  “You did…?  What about?”

“That guy, the one you said that was friends with us,” said Yancy.  “Kyle...I think.  Had a memory of him telling me something similar.  Can’t remember why he said it though.”

“Oh…” Jeremy said, his grey eyes starting to become a little cloudy.

Yancy shook his head.  “Whatever happened to him anyhow?  You never told me…” 

Jeremy let out a small sigh.  “Well...if you want the short of it...he’s dead.”

Yancy frowned.  “He’s _what?_ ”

Before Jeremy could respond, Yancy was hit with another wave of pain.  This time, the sudden onslaught of memories that crashed into him was so overwhelming, Yancy ended up crumpling to the ground.  He could barely hear his best friend and brother’s voices calling out to him in alarm.

Raleigh had been sitting in the car and noticed his brother put a hand to his head the first time he did it while talking to Jeremy, his face showing that he was experiencing mild pain; however, he had quickly withdrawn it, so Raleigh had thought his brother was fine.  Until the second time Yancy did it, and dropped to the ground.  Then Raleigh was out of the car and by his brother’s side in an instant.  

He placed a hand on his groaning brother’s back and looked up at Jeremy.  “What happened, Jay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “We were just talking, and then next thing I know, he’s down on the ground like this.”

“What were you guys talking about?” Raleigh asked.  “You must have triggered something.”

“Triggered?” asked Jeremy.

“His memory,” said Raleigh.  “Last time he did this was when you left our driveway in your truck.  He suddenly remembered our dad doing the same thing.”

“Ah, damn,” said Jeremy.  “I wish you’d have told me about that…!  He and I were just talking about Kyle…”

“Oh...yeah,” said Raleigh.  “That would do it.”

Jeremy shook his head.  “Shit, man...if I’d have known, I wouldn’t have let him keep talking about it…”

“No, not your fault, Jay,” said Raleigh.

The younger man then patted his older brother on the back.  Yancy was still groaning in pain, holding his head in his hands.

“Come on, Yance…” said Raleigh.  “Don’t hang onto it, whatever it is.  Snap out of it.”

Both men’s voices sounded far away to Yancy as his mind was busy pushing a slew of memories to the front of his mind.   _Big machines.  Jaegers.  Gipsy Danger.  Tango Tasmania.  A monstrous beast.  Kaiju.  Yamarashi.  A brief discussion of strategy.  Kyle would take the front with his co-pilot.  Ethan.  Creaking metal.  A frantic scream.  Death._

“Yancy, _please!_ ”

The blonde let out a gasp of relief upon hearing his brother’s voice, which helped him to snap out of the turbulent visions.  The pain was already starting to subside from his head.  When he looked up, his best friend and brother’s faces were twisted with worry.  

“Yancy, are you okay?” Raleigh asked.

The older man ignored his brother’s question.  Instead, Yancy found himself focusing particularly on his best friend’s face, and his jaw tensed.

“Jerry…” Yancy said, somewhat tightly.  “...I remember now.”

His friend’s lips parted slightly, but no sound came out.  Jeremy was at a loss for words.  After a few seconds though, he figured out what he wanted to say.

“You...you saying you _remember_ me now, Yancy?” asked Jeremy.

“Yeah…” Yancy said with a small nod.  “I mean...some things are still a little bit hazy…”

“Okay…” said Jeremy.

“I remember Kyle now though,” said Yancy.  “Clearly.  About our friendship, and how he…”

Yancy looked over at Raleigh.  His younger brother stared back at him, not offering up any words.  The older man shook his head.

“He and I fought about you,” said Yancy.  “I...I can’t really remember what for though.  It was at the PPDC, I remember that much.  The Kaiju War, Jaegers... _everything_.  I remember all of that now, too.”

“Well...that’s good that you’re remembering, Yance,” Raleigh said with an uneasy smile.  “...but try not to overexert yourself, okay…?”

He then pushed himself into a squatting position and hooked an arm around his brother’s.  “Come on...let’s get you home.”

“Yeah, here, I’ll help,” Jeremy said, assisting Raleigh in helping Yancy get onto his feet.

After Yancy got up, he leaned slightly against his brother.  He then looked over at Jeremy before allowing Raleigh to lead him to their car.  

“Jerry...I…” Yancy started with a frown.  “I’m sorry it took me so long, man.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “We’ll talk more later.”

“Yeah…” Yancy said with a nod.  “I think I’d like that.”

“Go home and get some rest,” said Jeremy.

Raleigh tugged at his brother’s sleeve.  “C’mon, Yance...let’s go home.  I’ll drive.”

“Yeah…yeah all right,” Yancy said as he followed his brother to the car.

The ride back home was quiet for them.  Every so often, Raleigh would look over at his brother in concern.  Yancy looked almost shell-shocked, arms folded over his chest and staring blankly out at the road ahead.  His brows were furrowed together slightly, but other than that, the man was perfectly stoic.  Raleigh would have attempted to strike a conversation if he hadn’t felt so nervous.

A few minutes later, they were back at home and in their room.  Yancy had washed up first, and was settled on his bed by the time Raleigh came out of the shower dressed in a fresh set of clothes.  Yancy felt his bed dip down slightly where Raleigh placed his weight.  Raleigh pressed a kiss against his older brother’s shoulder.

“Talk to me, Yance,” Raleigh said as he ran his fingers through Yancy’s hair.

His older brother sighed and turned around.  He wrapped an arm around the younger man and drew him in; Raleigh was all too happy to comply.  The younger man stretched out on Yancy’s bed, and he nuzzled against his older brother.  

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” said Raleigh.

Yancy let out a small sigh.  “There’s still so many holes in my memory...I’m just trying to figure out which way is up, kid.”

Raleigh placed a hand on Yancy’s face and ran his thumb across his brother’s cheek.  “ _Yancy_.”

His older brother chuckled softly.  He brought Raleigh’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss against them. 

“I know, I know...I’ll stop trying so hard,” said Yancy.  “I’m sure it’ll all come back to me if it’s supposed to.”

Raleigh nodded.  “Exactly.”

His older brother sighed again.  “Alright, well...I guess we should get some sleep…”

“Yeah, sounds like a plan.  I’ll go shut off the light,” said Raleigh.  “...can I sleep with you tonight?”

Yancy chuckled and ruffled his younger brother’s hair.  “What do you think, kid?”

Raleigh smiled and kissed his brother on the lips.  “I’ll be right back.”

“Mmhmm...I’m not going anywhere.”

The younger man quickly flicked the light switch and their room went dark.  Raleigh then felt his way back towards his brother’s bed and settled back into it and his brother’s arms.  Raleigh hummed happily when his brother greeted him back with a kiss.  When they broke apart, Yancy pressed his forehead against his younger brother’s.

“You know…” Yancy said softly.  “I can’t believe I let myself forget about Kyle…”

Raleigh put a finger against his brother’s lips.  “Shhh...it wasn’t your fault.  At least you remember now.”

“Yeah, I guess so.  I can’t even begin to describe how strange this feels though,” Yancy said with a sigh.  “It honestly feels like I’m two people at once.” 

“What do you mean by that?” asked Raleigh.

“I think it’s because I haven’t filled in all the blanks yet,” said Yancy.  “I’m seeing things half from my old perspective and half through this new one I’ve developed as a result of having lost my memory in the first place.”

Raleigh felt his older brother shake his head.  “I truly don’t know how else to explain it.”

“I think I _kind_ of get what you’re saying,” said Raleigh.

Yancy took in a long breath and entwined himself more with his brother.  “What bothers me most is not being able to remember a lot of stuff about you still…it’s frustrating how hazy a lot of the memories are.”

Raleigh lightly bit down on the inside of his cheek.  “You’re always welcome to ask me questions…”

“That’s true,” his brother said.  “I know that, but...it’s still not the same as _knowing_ it though, you know?”

The younger man shrugged.  “I don’t know, Yance...I guess.”

He could hear the frown in his older brother’s response.  “What’s the matter, Rals?  I thought you wanted me to remember...”

“I did!” Raleigh said quickly.

“That's...past tense,” said Yancy.  “What changed?”

Raleigh was thankful that the lights were out in their room.  He wasn’t sure whether the color had rushed to or drained from his face.  He chose his words carefully before answering.

“I just wanted us to be together again, you know?” said Raleigh.  “And now we are.  Honestly, what we have here right now is fine, Yance.  It’s good enough.”

“Hm...maybe for you, but…if I’m going to be honest with you though, I’d really still like to know…” said Yancy. 

Raleigh let out a small sigh.  “All right well, let’s call it a night for now...okay?”

He closed his eyes when the older man pressed a kiss his forehead.  Yancy let out a small sigh.  


“You got it, Rals," Yancy said, somewhat tiredly.  "...sleep tight.”


	8. Recollection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo hoo! Took a day longer than I intended, but we've made it!! Just three more chapters left to go! It's crazy!!
> 
> Looking forward to hearing what people think about this chapter! Thanks to all those who are following and/or have kudoed!! 
> 
> (Sorry for any formatting errors I missed...I'm on a time crunch right now, but I'll go through it later and fix any I catch. Also, totally fabricated a name of a diner, just because. Lol.)
> 
> Hope you all enjoy the chapter!!!!

By re-establishing the physical aspect of their relationship, Raleigh and Yancy unknowingly strengthened their neural bridge.  As a side effect, they Drifted together in their sleep far more easily compared to when they were first searching for each other.

Initially, Yancy thought he was dreaming alone.  At first, he was walking aimlessly in the darkness of his subconscious.  Then suddenly, there was a flicker of light and images appeared before him, and the effect was similar to that of a movie reel running.  The scenes that played before him had something of a light haze surrounding them, and it took several minutes before Yancy began to realize that these were memories, because these were events that he knew he couldn’t have possibly made up—Yancy wasn’t the lucid dreaming type.

 _Little Raleigh smiling up at his older brother sweetly._  Yancy saw this memory from two angles and he wondered how that could be.  He still had yet to realize that this was one of the things the Drift made possible, to be able to see a single moment captured from two different perspectives.   _Raleigh crying, and Yancy handing him a few brightly colored candies to cheer him up._  Yancy observed these first few memories as a third party.  Then at some point, either because he had reached out his hand or due to his longing to understand further—perhaps even both—Yancy was soon experiencing the memories from his solo perspective.  That’s when the visions began to take a dark turn.

 _Yancy kissing his brother with tongue for the first time._  What Yancy felt in his chest upon seeing the memory was starkly different from how he had felt kissing Raleigh for the first time since losing his memory.  The older man felt the sudden urge to back away from all this, but his subconscious was unrelenting, and almost seemed accusatory of him as more memories were pushed before him.   _Yancy forcing Raleigh to do things against the younger man’s will.  Kyle finding out.  Him and Kyle fighting over the situation between the two brothers._ With each new revelation Yancy felt an awful twist in his gut.  He desperately wanted to make it all stop, but his mind had other ideas.

 _The fight against Knifehead._  For what seemed to be the millionth time since he regained consciousness, Yancy was reliving the night where he should have died.  This time though, he remembered what had gone through his mind that night; the thoughts he had forgotten from that time.   _Fear of death—not in and of itself, but the process._  For death itself had been the perfect solution.  

Yancy woke up in bed with surprising calm; there had been no shouting, just simply the opening of the eyes.  The first thing he did was look down.  Raleigh was still sleeping, his body still tucked in the older man’s arms.  There was a slight frown on the younger man’s face, but aside from that, his brother didn’t stir.  

He didn’t know how long he watched his brother for, but it was definitely for a long time.  Sunlight eventually began to creep through their curtains and brought light to the room in patches.  Then, at around eight that morning, Raleigh woke up like clockwork.  

Raleigh didn’t notice the change in his brother’s eyes right away.  When he first woke up, he stretched beside Yancy and then offered the older man a tired, but happy smile.  

“Good morning, Yance…!”

The younger man craned his neck upward and tried to kiss his brother, but frowned when Yancy flinched back; the behavior was very similar to when Raleigh first reunited with his brother at the hospital.  Raleigh became even more concerned when his brother pushed away from him.  He didn’t know that Yancy had only been waiting for as long as he had because he hadn’t wanted to wake the younger man earlier than usual.  Raleigh got up quickly and grabbed his brother’s wrist when Yancy tried to leave the bed without him.

“Hey,” said Raleigh.  “What’s going on…?”

His brother’s voice was unexpectedly tight.  “Let go of me, Rals.”

Raleigh immediately felt a mixture of anger and confusion.  “What?  Why?  Did I do something wrong?”

“No, kid.  You didn’t do anything,” said Yancy.  “Come on, let’s go.  We’ve got to get going for work.”

The younger man’s grip on Yancy’s wrist only tightened.  “ _Bullshit_ , Yance.  What’s going on?  Did I kick you in the nuts last night or something?”

“No, Raleigh...nothing like that,” said Yancy.  

“Then what?” Raleigh snapped.

The older man looked his brother in the eyes and that’s when Raleigh got the chance to take a good look at his sibling for the first time that morning.  What Raleigh saw in Yancy’s eyes caused the younger man’s own eyes to widen slightly and he let out a soft gasp.  Reflected in his brother’s expressive blue orbs was _awareness._

“Yancy, you…!” Raleigh started.

Taking advantage of his brother’s shock, Yancy extricated himself from his brother’s grip and began to walk away.  He ignored Raleigh when the other man called after him as he walked into the closet to get a change of clothes.

“ _Yancy!_ ”

Raleigh scrambled off the bed and went after his brother.  He stopped in his place when his older brother held up a hand.

Yancy shook his head.  “ _No_ , Rals.”

“Do you...did you happen to remember something, last night?” Raleigh asked.

His heart sank when his older brother looked at him sadly.  “Everything, kid.  I remember all of it, Rals.”

“That doesn’t matter though, right?” asked Raleigh.  “It’s not like—”

His older brother cut him off.  “ _Raleigh._  I don’t just remember.  Don’t you understand, kid?  I’m all caught up...I finally know who I am.”

Raleigh let out a noise of frustration.  “This is _ridiculous_ , Yancy…!  You’re a different person now!”

“You’re wrong, Raleigh,” Yancy said with a half-smile.  “I _was_ different.”

“Nothing has to change!” Raleigh responded with anger.

Yancy surprised Raleigh by tenderly trailing a hand down the other man’s arm.  The older man’s expression betrayed his feelings of inner conflict.

“Except everything has,” Yancy whispered softly.  “I’m sorry, Rals.”

The younger man’s eyes grew glassy.  “ _Why?_ ”

“Because I don’t just _remember_ the past,” said Yancy.  “I _understand_ it.”

The older man walked closer to his brother and cupped his hands around Raleigh’s face.  The younger man eagerly leaned into the touch.  Yancy closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Raleigh’s.

“Before, when I didn’t know anything and I kissed you, it’s because I wanted you to be happy,” said Yancy.  “Now...knowing what I know…”

Raleigh raised his eyes upward when the older man trailed off.  He placed his hands over his brother’s and pressed them a little harder against his cheeks.

“What has it changed?” Raleigh asked.

Yancy opened his eyes and stared into his brother’s.  “I expect you to give me what I want because I demand it.”

He gently pushed away from his brother and trailed a thumb over the younger man’s lips.  Yancy shook his head, his eyes somewhat misty.

“I don’t know if what I feel for you is real love,” Yancy said quietly.  

Raleigh’s expression changed to one that looked as if he had just been slapped in the face.  If his older brother was surprised by this, he didn’t show it.

“In fact, I’m not even sure if I’m even capable of it,” Yancy continued.  “Or what to call this feeling that I have towards you.”

He turned to the side and began to pick out his outfit for the day.  Raleigh seemed to be at a loss for words, unable to do anything other than watch his brother in a slight daze.

“All I know is...I was okay with dying that day,” said Yancy.  “The day we fought Knifehead...I should have died, Rals.  That would have been better for—”

Yancy was surprised when his brother silenced him with a hard smack to the face.  The clothes he had been holding dropped to the floor and the older man looked at Raleigh with a frown on his face, placing a hand over the area where his brother had landed his hit.  Raleigh’s breathing was ragged, and his face had turned a tomato red.

“Don’t you even dare to suggest what I think you were about to,” Raleigh said angrily.  “I won’t have any of it!”

Yancy half-smiled.  “The truth hurts, kid…”

“ _Bullshit!_ ” Raleigh shouted.

When the younger man lunged, Yancy easily caught him by the wrists and tackled him down on the floor, pinning his brother underneath his body.  The older man’s jaw was tight, and whether or not Raleigh realized it, he was exercising a great deal of self-control.  

“Listen to me, Raleigh…” Yancy said, his voice tight, but also unexpectedly calm.  “Now’s not the time to talk about this.  We’re both about to be late for work…”

“Jeremy will understand,” said Raleigh.

Yancy shook his head.  “Jeremy doesn’t know the whole story, Raleigh...and neither does his dad.  Asking for time off from work while knowing they’ll honor our request every time, even when it’s inconvenient for them, just so we can work out our issues?  You know we can’t do that to them.”

“So, what?  We’re just going to go to work and act like nothing is wrong at all?” asked Raleigh.  “Because that’s—”

“ _Exactly_ what we’re going to do, Rals,” Yancy said, cutting the younger man off.

Raleigh frowned.  “I don’t follow.”

Yancy sighed.  “Work is not a place where we bring outside issues in, Raleigh.  That’s a concept that should seem basic to you from our PPDC days…”

“We’re not fighting Kaiju anymore, Yance,” Raleigh said stubbornly.

The older man shook his head.  “I think the same rules still apply, kid.  Don’t worry...we’ll talk more after we come back home tonight.”

“We should be talking about this _now_ ,” Raleigh insisted.

Yancy half-smiled.  “Don’t you see, Rals?  It’s that same impatience that brought us to where we are now in the first place.”

His younger brother went tight-lipped then.  When he finally responded, his expression was dark.

“That was a low blow, Yance,” said Raleigh.

“You never wanted this, Rals—what we had before,” Yancy said as he slowly got off of his younger brother.  “...you’d do well to remember that.”

He picked up his clothes from the ground and left his brother there on the floor, breathless with a mixture of disbelief and rage.  Yancy stopped for a second at the doorway of the open closet.

“I felt it all in the Drift, Raleigh...the pain I dealt to you and made you suffer,” Yancy said, his voice somewhat shaky.  “I know you want to keep things the way they were when I couldn’t remember, but…”

Raleigh lifted an arm over his eyes.  “Why can’t we, Yance…?  I don’t understand.”

“How can we…?” asked Yancy.  “Now that I remember it all, it’s only going to keep happening again and again…”

Raleigh clenched the fist of the arm that was covering his eyes.  “I love you, Yance…”

“I know, and I’m so sorry,” his brother replied sadly.  “That it took me forgetting to learn how to keep from hurting you, and that it’s the only reason I am able to hold back from you now.”

“Yancy…”

“You’ve had your talk now, Raleigh,” Yancy said, shaking his head.  “I told you to wait, but you didn’t want to…”

Raleigh frowned and slowly got up from the ground.  He turned to his brother.

“That’s not fair, Yance.”

“All actions have consequences, kid,” said Yancy.  “Haven’t you learned that yet?  I thought you had...I saw it in your memories—what you told that girl, Mako, was it?”

Raleigh shook his head.  “This is a completely different situation, Yancy.”

“Is it…?” the older man asked before glancing back and giving his brother a small, resigned smile.  “I’ll be in the car, Raleigh...don’t take too long to get ready.”

Yancy walked out of the closet and was out of the room before Raleigh could say or do anything else.  The younger man stood there for a moment before lifting his hands to his head and running his fingers through his hair, his mind reeling.  He then turned to his side of the closet and began angrily picking out the clothes he would be wearing to work that day.

“ _Fine_ ,” Raleigh muttered.  “If it’s a game you want, then two can play.”

His brother, however, turned out to be a rather formidable opponent.  The older man had an easier time pretending as if everything was still normal, though Raleigh could tell the difference.  It appeared Yancy had decided he was going to be a brother to Raleigh and nothing more.  What the younger man couldn’t wrap his head around was Yancy’s motive—Raleigh couldn’t decide if his older brother was trying to atone for the past, or if there was something else going on that the younger man had missed.  Yancy kept his hands mostly to himself, touching Raleigh only when necessary, like holding out a hand to help him up onto something, or wrapping an arm around the younger man’s waist to hoist him down.

Jeremy, however, being as perceptive as he was,  seemed to pick up a little of the strangeness between the two brothers.  So at the first chance he got, he pulled his best friend aside to talk.

“Hey...you two fighting or something?” asked Jeremy.  “You’re being awfully careful around your brother...what’s going on?”

Now that Yancy was himself again, he knew better than to simply dodge his friend’s question.  He ran a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, I’ll admit I’m a little distracted,” said Yancy.  “I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now.”

Jeremy shrugged a shoulder.  “Like what, man?”

“Actually...there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask,” said Yancy.

His friend raised an eyebrow.  “Oh yeah…?  And what’s that?”

Yancy’s eyes flitted briefly over to where his brother was standing.  Raleigh was a short distance away and staring at Yancy and Jeremy with mild curiosity.  After making sure his brother was out of earshot, Yancy returned his attention to his friend.

“I was wondering if you and your dad could give me a couple extra hours here and there sometimes,” said Yancy.  “You know...without Raleigh tagging along with me.”

Jeremy frowned.  “What?  What for?”

“There’s something I’d like to get,” Yancy said, tilting his head slightly in Raleigh’s direction.  “...without _him_ knowing.”

A small smile spread across Jeremy’s face as he completely misunderstood Yancy’s intentions.  “Oh, I get it…!  You want to surprise him, huh?  No wonder you’re acting so weird around him right now.  That makes sense!”

Yancy half-smiled.  “So can you help me out, or what?”

Jeremy nodded.  “Yeah, sure, man!  No sweat!  I’ll ask my pops about it later.”

“Thanks, Jerry.”

“Hey, don’t mention it.”

Raleigh eyed his brother suspiciously when his older brother approached him, seemingly more at ease.  “What was all that about, Yance?”

Yancy surprised Raleigh by ruffling his hair.  “Don’t worry about it, kid.  Jeremy just helped me sort some things out, that’s all.  Everything’s going to be all right.”

Raleigh looked up at his brother, confused.  “It is?”

The older man nodded and further surprised Raleigh by giving him a smile.  “Yeah, kid...it is.”

There was an obvious positive shift in Yancy’s behavior when the brothers returned home, and Raleigh honestly didn’t know what to make of it.  He was also afraid to ask.  Instead, his mind ran through about a million different scenarios on what could have possibly transpired in the conversation between Jeremy and his brother.  Now that Yancy’s memories had returned to him, Raleigh could feel that the older man had put up his walls—Raleigh had been unable to catch even a glimpse of his brother’s thoughts while he had been talking to Jeremy.  So Raleigh was left to wonder over all the possibilities.

Judging from his brother’s change in attitude, Raleigh could only assume that Yancy and Jeremy had been talking about the situation between himself and his brother.  When the younger man thought back on what he _had_ been able to see of the exchange, he could only find evidence justifying and supporting his brother’s complete turnaround.  It had been clear from Jeremy’s posture at the start of the conversation that the dark-haired man had been confronting Yancy about something, but by the end of the talk, the man had been all smiles towards his brother.  Raleigh could then only assume, given he understood his brother’s implications correctly, that when Yancy had told him everything was fine, it was in regards to them and their situation.  In fact, that certainly seemed to be the case, with the way Yancy was doting on him now.  

Raleigh was watching a show in the living room when Yancy sat down beside him.  Despite not wanting to concede so easily, Raleigh couldn’t help but to forgive his brother’s earlier cold behavior when Yancy wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close, nuzzling his neck.  The younger man couldn’t help but to crack a small smile and lean into his brother’s touch.

“Mm...what’s up, Yance?” Raleigh asked.

His brother murmured into his neck.  “Nothing, kid.  I just want to be around you, that’s all.”

Raleigh felt his brother’s hand slip under his shirt, trailing fingers across the skin of his waist.  He frowned when he heard his brother’s breath hitch and felt the older man quickly withdraw his hand.    
  
“Yancy…?”

The older man pushed away from him and got up from the couch.  He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Listen, kid,” said Yancy.  “I’m going to head out for a bit.  I’ll be back later though.”

“What?  Where are you going?” Raleigh asked.

“Jerry and I have some catching up to do.  We’re probably going to go and grab a couple beers,” said Yancy.  “You’ll be all right here by yourself, won’t you?”

“Oh...yeah, I guess that’s fine,” said Raleigh.  “When will you be back?”

“Not sure.  Probably not ‘til late,” Yancy said as he bent down to kiss his brother on the forehead.  “You be good, now.”

Raleigh scrunched his nose.  “I’m not five, Yance.  I can take care of myself.”

“I know,” Yancy said with a small smile.  “See you later, kid.”

“Okay…”

Yancy then left the living room.  Raleigh heard him go up the stairs, presumably to change his clothes, and then he heard his brother thump back down again.  There was the clattering sound of keys and then his brother was out the door.  The house became incredibly quiet, save for the sound coming out of the television, and Raleigh felt a deep sense of discomfort from the silence.  Without really thinking about it, he slowly curled his legs toward him and wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin atop his knees.  The next several hours seemed to go by slowly.

Meanwhile, Yancy had gotten in the car to meet with Jeremy for an evening job.  A few of Jeremy’s father’s clients occasionally paid extra for a late night crew to get a project done earlier.  When Yancy arrived at the construction site, the first thing he did after he got out of his car was help his friend and his father’s team set up the lights so that they could see while they worked.

Jeremy grinned at his friend as they worked on the light fixtures.  “Unbelievable, man.”

Yancy raised an eyebrow.  “What is?”

“You’re really here, without your brother,” said Jeremy.  “I’m surprised he didn’t try to follow you out here.”

Yancy chuckled.  “I told him I wanted some time to catch up with you.”

Jeremy shook his head.  “Still!  You’re serious about this.”

“Of course I am,” Yancy said with a slight frown.

His friend laughed.  “Yeah, well...sure makes me curious what you’re planning on getting him.”

“Just something he needs,” Yancy said with a slight shrug.  “Something important.”

Jeremy smiled.  “Interesting…so I take it you’re not going to tell me what it is?”

Yancy cracked a small smile.  “Not on your life, man.”

“Ouch...that’s cold,” said Jeremy.

“Hey, what’d you expect?” said Yancy.  “Now that I remember everything…”

His friend’s hands stopped moving for a moment.  Jeremy raised an eyebrow.

“ _Everything?_ ” asked Jeremy.  “Does that mean what I think it does?”

Yancy half-smiled.  “Why else do you think I’m being so casual with you, man?”

“Holy shit!” Jeremy said, grinning widely.  “I mean, I thought…!   _Man_ …!  That’s great to hear!  How are things with Raleigh now, then?”

“We’re getting along fine.”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow at his friend.  “...that’s it?”

Yancy tilted his head to the side.  “What do you mean?  What’s it?”

Jeremy frowned and shook his head.  “I don’t know...I guess I just expected a little more enthusiasm coming from you, that’s all.  I mean, this is _Raleigh_ we’re talking about, right?”

Yancy chuckled.  “I hear what you’re saying man...it’s just...I guess we’re just adjusting in some ways.  I mean, there _was_ a point where I could hardly remember our relationship for what it was...you know?”

“Ah, yeah, I guess that’s true,” said Jeremy.

The two men dropped themselves down after finishing with the lights and headed for where the tools were set.  Jeremy gave Yancy a friendly smack on the back.

“Well, in any event...it’s really good to have you back,” said Jeremy.  “Completely.”

Yancy laughed.  “Yeah, man.  Don’t worry, I get it.”

His friend offered a smile in response and then the two men set out to work.  This became a bit of a routine for them every night for the next several months.  After every job, Yancy would head straight home.  Raleigh always waited up for him, but eventually even he seemed to get used to the routine.  At first, the two of them would curl up together when it was time to go to bed, but one evening all of that changed.

Raleigh had gone to sleep a little earlier that night, and Yancy laid beside him, just watching the rise and fall of his younger brother’s chest.  That night, the older man had felt oddly more awake than usual, and before he realized what he was doing, Yancy found his hand wandering over his brother’s still form.  His hand eventually stopped on Raleigh’s stomach and rested there for a moment, when Yancy got the sudden urge to slip his hand down below the waistline of his brother’s pants.  He snapped his hand back quickly and got up from the bed, causing his younger brother to stir.  

Raleigh turned on his side and rubbed at his eyes.  “Nn...Yance…?  What’s goin’ on…?”

He closed his eyes when Yancy kissed him on the forehead.  “Nothing, kid.  Just gotta go to the bathroom—sorry for waking you…”

“Mmn...it’s all right…” Raleigh mumbled.  “Just come back...m’kay…?”

“Yeah, kid, don’t worry,” said Yancy.  I’ll be right here…”

The older man sighed after his younger brother went back to sleep.  Instead of going to the bathroom like he said he would, Yancy made his way to his bed on the opposite side of the room, as quietly as possible and slipped under the covers.  

Less than an hour later, Raleigh woke up again, partially because he missed Yancy’s warmth.  He slowly got up and frowned when he noticed his brother was sleeping on the other side of the room.  He got out of bed and walked over to his brother.  

“Yancy...?” Raleigh whispered.

His brother didn’t stir.  Raleigh moved in closer and gently nudged his brother’s shoulder.

“Yance…?  Hey…”

Yancy merely turned over in response, and Raleigh took that as his chance to settle in beside his brother in the warm space he had left at his side.  He smiled when Yancy turned around a few seconds later and unconsciously wrapped the younger man in his arms.  Raleigh nestled his face against his brother’s chest and went back to the land of dreams.

The next morning, Yancy was shocked to find Raleigh tucked in his arms.  Taking care not to disturb his brother, he lifted his head slightly to check the time.  It was six in the morning.  That particular day, Yancy needed to be somewhere by eight so that he would have enough time to come back home for his brother and drive them both to work.

Carefully, Yancy untangled himself from his sibling and tucked the covers around the younger man in hopes that Raleigh wouldn’t wake up from the loss of his warmth.  Luckily for him, it seemed to be one of those days where Raleigh was in deep sleep.  Yancy made quick work of changing his clothes and then cupped both hands around his keys before slipping them in his pocket, in order to reduce the noise.  After that he went down the stairs as quietly as possible, and was soon out the door.  

Yancy initially took the bus to his intended destination, but when he returned to the house, it was in a slightly used car; a Ford Mustang—black body with silver stripes down the middle.  He parked a couple miles away from his house, and then walked the rest of the way back home.

Raleigh was already awake when Yancy walked back in through the door, and he glared at his brother when the older man entered the kitchen.  The spoon the younger man was holding clinked against the glass as Raleigh was stirring extras he had slipped into his coffee.

“Where were you this morning?” Raleigh asked before taking a sip.  “I saw you didn’t take the car…”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Yancy said with a small smile.  “Thought I’d go for a run.”

A light frown formed on the younger man’s face.  “...that why you switched sides on me last night?”

Yancy nodded.  “Yeah...I think I might need to go see a doctor for it.”

“For what?” Raleigh asked.  “You’ve been sleeping fine up until now, haven’t you?  Didn’t this just start last night?”

“Actually, I’ve only been half-sleeping these past few weeks,” said Yancy.

Raleigh’s frown grew.  “It’s all those night jobs you and Jay are doing.”

Yancy hadn’t told Raleigh that his nightly outings with Jeremy was actually time he spent working overtime in construction, but the younger man had eventually figured it out.  It was an especially easy assumption to make when Yancy occasionally came home in a different outfit than one he went out in, or when there was a heavy amount of sawdust on the older man’s clothes.

Yancy shrugged.  “Needed the money.”

“What’s that about, anyway?” asked Raleigh.  “You never told me about that.”

His older brother half-smiled and ruffled his hair.  “Don’t worry about it, kid.  It’s nothing important.”

“Sure it isn’t,” Raleigh said with sarcasm.  “Seriously, I don’t get why you’re working so hard...we still have plenty of funds from our Ranger days, remember?”

“Well it’s not smart to depend on that forever,” said Yancy.  “Money’s eventually got to run out sometime.”

Raleigh frowned.  “Have you even _looked_ at our account lately?  Things are fine.  More than fine, really.”

Yancy sighed.  “You got a problem with hard work, kid?”

“Well, no…” said Raleigh.  “I guess...eh, I don’t know.  I just think it’s weird, since we’re fine and all…”

Yancy chuckled and pecked his brother on the forehead.  “You want me to stop, kid?”

Raleigh blushed a little and rubbed at the back of his neck.  “Aw, that’s not fair, Yance…!  Now you’re going to make me sound like a brat if I say I do.”

The older man laughed.  “It’s all right, Rals.  If it really bothers you that much, then I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“Really?” Raleigh asked, looking up at his brother curiously.  “You’d really do that?”

“Is that even a question, kid?” Yancy asked as he ruffled his brother’s hair.  “You know I’d do anything for you.”

A small smile formed on the younger man’s face.  “Then yeah...it would be kind of nice to be together at home with you again, after work.”

“Then you got it, kid,” said Yancy.  “I’ll let Jerry know when we see him today.”

“Ack!  Speaking of which, we’re probably going to be late, aren’t we?” Raleigh asked as he got up from his seat.

Yancy looked at the clock on the wall and laughed.  “Oh shit, Rals.  You’re right.”

“Last one up’s gotta do what the other one wants for a week!” Raleigh said with a grin.

His older brother smiled warmly back and nodded.  “Yeah, alright.  You’re on, kid.”

“Then ready or not...go!” Raleigh said, laughing as he raced out of the kitchen.

Yancy called after his brother.  “Hey!  You got a head start!  That’s cheating!”

“I can’t hear you!” Raleigh shouted back at him from down the hall.

Yancy chuckled and took Raleigh’s abandoned coffee cup, dumping what remained inside into the sink.  He then rinsed it with water and placed it in their dishwasher before exiting the kitchen and going up the stairs.

“One week, huh…?” Yancy muttered softly to himself as he climbed up the stairs with a small smile on his face.  “Yeah...I think I can do that.”

He pushed the door to their bedroom open upon reaching it, and he smiled upon seeing his brother perform a childish victory dance in the middle of the room.  His brother would never completely grow up around him, it seemed.  He opened his arms and caught his brother when Raleigh bounded up to him, grinning from ear to ear.

“You’d better honor your promise, old man!” said Raleigh.

Yancy nodded and laughed.  “Yeah, yeah, kid...you got it.  I promise.”

“Good,” Raleigh said with a smile.  “Then the first thing I want is...a kiss.”

Yancy raised an eyebrow and smiled.  “Is that right?”

He chuckled when the younger man leaned his face in.  “ _Mmhmm_ …!”

Yancy took in a short breath.  “Well, all right, kid...you got it.”

The older man couldn’t help but to smile a little when Raleigh threw his arms around his neck, pulling Yancy closer.  Both men closed their eyes when their lips met, and Yancy rested his hands on his brother’s hips.  When they broke apart, Yancy found himself feeling a little disappointed and almost leaned in again for more; however, he was able to cover up his feelings with a smile.

“Ready to go to work now, kid?” Yancy asked.

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah...I’ll let you off the hook for now since we’re already going to be late.”

“Plus you’ve got a week,” Yancy said with a smile.  “...use it wisely, kid.”

“Oh, I intend to,” Raleigh said with a smile.  “Anyway, come on!  Jeremy’s gonna kill us!”

Yancy laughed.  “Yeah, I think you’re probably right about that, kid.  Let’s get out of here.”

The two brothers did receive a lecture from Jeremy when they arrived at the construction site, but it was only a half-hearted effort.  After work, the two men drove to a walk-in clinic because Yancy insisted on having something done about his sleeping issues.  Raleigh waited for his brother in the car, and when the older man walked out, it was with a prescription in his hand.  

Raleigh looked over at his brother when Yancy popped back into the car.  “So...you going to take whatever it is they said, Yance?”

The older man nodded as he put on his seat belt.  “Yeah...I think that’s going to be for the best.”

“We going to make a stop at the pharmacy then?” Raleigh asked.

“Yeah,” Yancy said as he started the car.  “If I drop it off today, it should be ready by the end of the week.”

His younger brother shrugged a little.  “Sounds good to me, I guess.”

“We should probably sleep in separate beds for a little while though,” Yancy said, chuckling when his brother pouted in the passenger’s seat.

“Well, what if I used my executive power to veto that idea?” Raleigh asked.

Yancy laughed and ruffled his brother’s hair.  “Come on, kid...wouldn’t you rather that your favorite older brother gets a good night’s rest instead of waking up miserable every morning?”

“Yeah, yeah, all right.  Fine,” Raleigh said, muttering the next bit.  “And you’re my only brother, so _of course_ you’re my favorite.  Although...even if there were others, I still think you’d be…”

The younger man trailed off and blushed furiously.  Yancy half-smiled and messed with his brother’s hair again.

“Yeah, kid, I know…” Yancy said softly.  “Me too…”

The rest of the week went by for them quickly.  Before either of them knew it, it was the evening of the end of the week.  They were both in the kitchen for a late night dinner—it was close to midnight—Yancy was making one of Raleigh’s favorite Italian dishes while his younger brother watched from the table.  

Raleigh smiled up at his brother when Yancy set the steaming hot food before him at the center of the table.  “This looks great, Yance!”

His older brother smiled.  “Bon appétit.”

The younger man chuckled.  “Since when do you speak French?”

“Hey, it’s not unusual to pick up a word or phrase here and there from watching the television,” Yancy said with a smile.  “Smartass.”

Raleigh winked.  “You know you want some.”

“Hm...yeah…” said Yancy.  “I may just take you up on that tonight.”

A light blush formed on the younger man’s face.  “...really, Yancy?”

His surprise was due to the fact that although the older man was still being affectionate with him, he hadn’t tried to take things any further with the younger man in a while.  Yancy never brought up the reason as to why, and Raleigh had been a little afraid to ask.

Yancy nodded.  “Yeah…!  I mean...if you want to…”

He reached out for his younger brother’s hand.  Raleigh took his brother’s hand in his and smiled.  

“Yeah...I’d really like that.”

Yancy chuckled.  “...then you’ve got it.”

He laughed lightly when his brother suddenly scrambled to finish his food.  Raleigh spoke to him between bites.

“Well, then let’s not waste any more time!”

Yancy smiled.  “Yeah…”

The older man had Raleigh go on ahead up the stairs first while he cleaned up their finished plates.  When Yancy eventually got to their bathroom, he smiled to find his younger brother settled in bed, looking pretty comfortable and his eyes already half-lidded.

“Mm...Yancy…” Raleigh said with a small smile when Yancy climbed into bed and on top of him.

His older brother chuckled and brushed some of his hair back.  “You’re looking kind of drowsy, kid…”

“Nn...yeah,” Raleigh said, blinking and trying to keep his eyes open.  “I don’t know...I got into bed and it just kind of happened...I don’t know what’s up.”

Yancy half-smiled and pressed his cheek against his brother’s.  “Hm...maybe we should take a raincheck on tonight, yeah?”

“Mm...no, Yance!  It’s fine,” Raleigh said, shaking his head.

Yancy laughed as he pulled back and ran a thumb down one of his younger brother’s cheeks.  “Come on, Rals...don’t be ridiculous.  Your eyes are closed!”

Raleigh chuckled and tried to open his eyes.  “I’m just resting, Yancy.  Please…?”

The older man sighed when Raleigh brought up his hands and cupped them around his brother’s face.  Yancy leaned down with a small smile.  

“Oh, all right…” Yancy said, hovering over his younger brother’s lips.  “Stubborn mule.”

Raleigh gave him a lazy smile.  “...I love you.”

The older man smiled back and touched their noses together.  “Love you too, kiddo…”

Their lips met, and the kiss was soft and slow.  Raleigh moved his hands into his brother’s hair, and Yancy adjusted himself over Raleigh on top of the mattress.  The bed creaked and groaned occasionally with their movements.  

Raleigh gasped when Yancy gently bit his lower lip, and he moaned in pleasure when his older brother trailed kisses across his face and down the side of his neck.  He hissed when Yancy’s cool hands slipped underneath his shirt and began to caress his sensitive skin.  They both tugged off each other’s outer garments, and soon the two of them were pressed together, flesh on flesh.  

The younger man mewled after his brother had finished preparing him and started to tease him with his manhood, pressed against the younger man’s entrance.  Raleigh’s eyes were closed and he was firmly gripping a tuft of his brother’s hair in one hand.  He tugged down, pushing the older man’s face closer to his.  

Raleigh was smiling when he whispered into his brother’s ear.  “ _Please_ , Yancy…!  I want you now…!”

The older man chuckled.  “Impatient as always, I see.”

“Only when there’s something that I really want…” said Raleigh.

Yancy laughed and planted a kiss firmly on his brother’s forehead.  “Yeah, I know kid...me too.  I must have gotten it from you...over the Drift.”

The younger man wrapped his legs around Yancy’s waist.  “ _Yance_ …!”

“Yeah, all right, I know,” Yancy said with a smile.  “Less talking, more fucking.”

Raleigh arched his back and moaned happily when the older man thrust himself in.  “ _Mm_ …!   _Yancy_ …!”

The older man kissed him and responded breathlessly.  “God, I love it when you call my name…!”

They both began to pant harder as Yancy picked up the pace.  Raleigh ran his fingers up and down his brother’s back as he moaned.

“ _Nn_ …!  Yancy…!  Yancy…!   _Yancy_ …!”

The older man groaned as he came and he nipped lightly at his brother’s lips as his hips jerked involuntarily.  Finally, when Yancy had finished, he nuzzled his head against his brother’s neck and let out a sigh.

“I just lose it when I’m with you, Rals…” the older man murmured.  “You drive me crazy…”

His younger brother hummed happily in response.  “ _Hm_ …”

Raleigh smiled and ran one hand down his brother’s back while the other stroked the older man’s hair.  After a few minutes, his motions began to slow and Yancy pulled back.  He looked down at his younger brother, who had his eyes closed and was wearing a peaceful expression.  Yancy smiled.

“You tired, kid…?”

His younger brother nodded, eyes still closed.  “Mm...yeah...sorry, Yance…”

Yancy chuckled and brushed his brother’s hair back.  “Nah...that’s all right.  Here...let me help you get cleaned up.”

“Mm...okay.”

Yancy slowly pulled out of his brother and then rolled out of bed.  He went to the bathroom and cleaned himself off first before bringing in a warm wet towel to wipe his brother clean.  He chuckled as he helped his brother back into his clothes while the other man was still half-asleep—the whole thing vaguely reminded Yancy of when they were growing up, when he used to dress and undress his brother.  The older man frowned and inwardly berated himself every time he noticed his hands lingering a little too long on parts of his brother’s body while helping the other man get dressed.

“ _He just gave you what you wanted, and with mutual consent,”_ Yancy thought to himself angrily.  “ _Stop trying to force more out of him.”_

There was a sickening twist in the older man’s gut as his inner voice shot defiantly back.  “ _But you know if you ask for it—or even if you_ _ **don’t**_ — _you know that kid’ll give it to you.  So what’s stopping you from taking?”_

“Shut up…!” Yancy muttered under his breath.

His younger brother frowned; his eyes were still closed.  “Mm…?  What’s that, Yance…?”

The older man sighed and shook his head.  “Nothing, kid...just talking to myself...don’t worry about it.”

“M’kay...as long as you’re not answerin’ yourself…” Raleigh said tiredly.

Yancy chuckled and tucked the covers around his now fully dressed brother.  “Yeah…”

He closed his eyes tightly and pressed a kiss atop his brother’s head.  “Sweet dreams, Rals…”

The younger man let out a soft sigh.  “Mm...yeah, Yance...you too…”

Yancy pulled away and watched as his younger brother turned over on his side in his bed.  The older man took several soft steps back until he felt his own mattress on the opposite side pressed against the back of his legs.  He took a seat and watched the rise and fall of his younger brother’s chest for a long time.

After a moment, Yancy called out to him.  “Rals…?”

The older man was greeted with only the sounds of soft breathing.  He tried again, louder this time.

“Raleigh…?”

Still no response.  Yancy half-smiled and walked back over to his brother’s side.  Slowly, he bent forward and pressed a kiss to his brother’s cheek.

He closed his eyes and whispered with a shaky voice into his younger brother’s ear.  “I love you, Rals...always remember that...”

The younger man frowned a little, but other than that didn’t stir.  Raleigh’s chest continued to rise and fall in a peaceful rhythm.

“I just don’t want to hurt you like I did before, ever again…so _please_... _understand_...” the older man let out a soft sigh and raked his fingers gently through his brother’s hair as he continued.  “That’s why I _have_ to go...it’s not that I _want_ to…it’s _for_ you…”

He held his breath when Raleigh leaned into his touch, but he let it out again when he saw that his brother wouldn’t wake.  Yancy half-smiled.  The crushed sleeping pills he had slipped into his brother’s meal that evening appeared to be as strong as the doctor had promised him when he had asked for them.

“This is goodbye, kid…” Yancy said softly.  “I’m sorry that I’m too much of a coward to say it to your face…”

Raleigh’s lips slightly parted and one of his hands twitched slightly.  When he showed no further movement, Yancy continued.

“...I just can’t bear to see you cry, like I know you will,” Yancy whispered.  “But it’ll be alright.  Everything’s gonna be alright in the end...”

Yancy pressed one last kiss gently against his brother’s forehead.  “Sleep tight, Raleigh…”

The older man looked at the clock in the room to check the time.  He knew what he needed to do, and he knew that he needed to work fast.  The effects of the sleeping pills would likely wear off within the next five to six hours.  It was a somewhat limited window, and Yancy knew he had to work quickly if he wanted to get out of there.  

He walked over to the closet, opened the door, and stepped inside.  He stared at his half of the wardrobe for a second before reaching his arms in and taking out a good portion of the clothes.  He then carried them out of the closet and fiddled with the doorknob of the bedroom door, cursing himself inwardly for not having the foresight to open it before he had taken out the stack of clothes.

Once Yancy had the door open, he padded down the stairs and dropped the pile onto the ground.  He went back upstairs and got the keys from the bowl in the bedroom and went back down again.  He left the clothes on the floor and left the house; he decided it would be best if he brought the Mustang he had bought earlier closer to the home.  A few minutes later he had pulled into the driveway and shut off the car before he headed back inside to begin his transport of items.  In several hours, Yancy had managed to pack everything that was his into the trunk and back seats of his car.  All the while he made sure to keep his inner voice calm—he didn’t want Raleigh picking up anything that was going on through their connection in the Drift.  Yancy wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to cut the connection or if a complete severance was even possible, but the older man knew he would eventually have to figure something out if he wanted his plan to ultimately work.  After he was sure everything had been packed, he locked the front door of their house and checked the time on the watch he had picked up at some point during his back-and-forthing.  

“Six a.m….” Yancy said with a soft sigh.  “Well...guess I’d better call Jerry.”

He got into the car and started the engine.  He took his cell phone out of his pocket and pressed his best friend’s number off his speed dial menu.  Yancy held the phone to his ear and listened to the sound of the call going through as he drove away from his house.

Jeremy answered him on the third ring.  “ _Yeah, hello?  Yancy?”_

Yancy half-smiled.  “Hey, Jerry…”

He could hear the frown in his best friend’s voice.  “ _What’s the matter, man?  Your voice sounds funny…”_

“Ah...yeah...sorry,” Yancy said, blinking rapidly as he tried to keep his voice even.  “Listen...I think I’m going to have to put in my two weeks notice with the construction work…”

“ _What?  Why?”_ Jeremy asked.  “ _What’s going on?”_

“...do I put that in with you or your old man?” Yancy asked.

“ _Damn it, Yancy!  I asked you a question,”_ his friend snapped back.  “ _Answer that first!”_

The blonde let out a sigh and briefly let go of the steering wheel with his other hand to quickly run his fingers through his hair.  He then slapped the hand back onto the wheel.

“Listen, man…” said Yancy.  “Are you busy right now…?  Do you think you can meet me real quick?”

“ _Well, I mean sure,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _You mind telling me what this is about though, or what?”_

“I’ll explain everything when we meet up…” said Yancy.  “...it’s about Raleigh.”

His best friend sighed.  “ _Of course...I probably should have guessed that…”_

Yancy half-smiled.  “Sorry, man…”

He could picture Jeremy shaking his head.  “ _For what?  For needing a friend?  Or for making me feel like I’ve been living in a damn soap opera ever since you got your memories back?”_

Yancy chuckled.  “How about I just buy you breakfast at Nicki’s Diner?”

“ _...what, off the corner of Rudakoff and DeBarr?”_

Yancy nodded.  “Yeah...that’s the one.”

“ _All right...fine.  How soon do you think you can get there?”_

Yancy briefly glanced over at the clock on his radio.  “How does twenty minutes sound?”

“ _Done,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _It better be the best damn breakfast of my life!”_

“You know it will,” Yancy said, chuckling.

“ _All right, well...guess I’d better get out of bed then.”_

“No early jobs this weekend?” Yancy asked.

“ _Nah, no projects,”_ Jeremy confirmed.  “ _It’s supposed to be a quiet weekend.”_

“Sorry,” Yancy said with a half-smile.

“ _Will you quit fucking apologizing?”_ said Jeremy.  “ _Seriously!  It’s strange as hell.  I thought we got over all of that weird shit once you got all your memories back.”_

Yancy chuckled.  “Guess I picked up some odd habits from when I didn’t have them.”

“ _Shoot, you don’t have to tell me!”_ said Jeremy.  “ _Anyway, anything else you want to tell me before I get going?”_

“Yeah, actually…” Yancy admitted.

“ _Okay…?”_ said Jeremy.  “ _Well...?”_

Yancy sighed and tapped at the steering wheel with the thumb of his one hand.  “...I’m planning on leaving Anchorage, Jerry.”

If the situation wasn’t what it was, Yancy might have laughed at the sound of his friend’s shuffling of sheets as the other man was surely bolting upright in his bed.  

“ _You’re_ _ **what**_ _?!  Why?”_ Jeremy exclaimed.  “ _With Raleigh?”_

Yancy shook his head.  “No, man...without him.”

“ _Okay, fuck…!  You said Nicki's Diner at the corner of Rudakoff and DeBarr, right?”_ asked Jeremy.

“Yeah,” said Yancy.

“ _Good,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _I’ll just throw on whatever clothes and meet you there...and you’d better fucking_ _ **be**_ _there with your ass parked in one of the seats when I get there, all right?”_

“Yeah, man,” Yancy said with a nod.  “...I got you.”

“ _All right.  See you soon.”_

“Later,” Yancy said before hanging up the phone and tossing it to the side.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Raleigh was slowly waking up from his slumber.  He yawned, rubbed at his eyes, and stretched.

“Mm...Yance…?” he called out tiredly; his eyes were still closed.

He hugged at part of his blanket and frowned when he heard no response.  Raleigh cleared his throat and tried again.

“Hey…!   _Yancy_.”

Still no reply.  Raleigh opened his eyes, blinking to adjust his vision.  Across the room his brother’s bed was neatly made, which wasn’t at all unusual; however, Raleigh was starting to feel the odd sensation of the hairs on the back of his neck starting to rise.  Something was wrong; he just didn’t know what, yet.  

He strained his ears, listening for a sound—anything.  He frowned when he heard none, and slowly got out of bed.  

“Yancy…?”

Raleigh opened the door to the bedroom and looked out into the hallway.  He walked over to the top of the stairs and called down.

“Hey!  Yance!  You here?”

The younger man continued to be greeted with nothing but silence.  Raleigh felt his mouth grow dry as well an odd lump form in his throat.  He quickly made his way down the stairs and searched the bottom floor of his house.  Nothing.  Raleigh went back up and searched his parents room.  It was undisturbed.  Raleigh felt a sense of panic rising within him.  He ran back to his bedroom and flung open the curtains so he could look out at the driveway below.  He felt only mild relief upon seeing that the car he shared with Yancy was still parked in the driveway.  Raleigh wondered if the older man had gone out for a walk and decided that he was going to go out and look for him.  The younger man made his way toward their shared closet and flung the door open.  That’s when he was met with the sight of one-half of the closet cleaned completely bare.  Then everything came crashing down.

Raleigh fell to the floor, dizzy and disoriented.  A million thoughts ran through his mind.   _What did it mean, that the closet was half-empty?  Did Yancy leave?  He couldn’t have, the car is still parked in the driveway, so how could that even be possible?_ Suddenly, the room Raleigh was in felt incredibly cold.  An icy chill ran down Raleigh’s spine as he thought back on a conversation with his brother that had happened a few nights ago.   _Had it actually happened?_  Where Raleigh had told his brother about how he worried that one day he’d wake up, only to find that none of what had happened was real.   _Yancy never lost his memory and recovered it, because Yancy was never found.  Yancy died the day they fought Knifehead.  Yancy only felt real these past few months because Raleigh had wanted that to be the case._  One of Raleigh’s hands flew up to his mouth and covered it; suddenly, the younger man felt incredibly sick to his stomach.  

“Oh God…” he whispered.  “... _Yancy!_ ”

At around the same time Raleigh was starting to freak out, his brother was hit with the waves of his panic over their Drift connection.  Yancy almost skidded off the side of the road.  Luckily, there had been no other cars coming or going in either direction; as far as Yancy was concerned, he was currently the only car driving along the road he was on.

The older man gripped his steering wheel tightly and concentrated hard on what was before him, eventually making the right turn into the parking lot of the diner where he and Jeremy were to meet.  Yancy placed the car in park and shut off the engine before dabbing his sleeve against the tears that were flowing out of his eyes.  He could feel all of it—Raleigh’s distress, confusion, and his pain.

Eventually, after taking a few deep breaths, the older man was able to calm himself down enough where he felt confident he could go into the diner and ask for a table.  Yancy took the keys out of the ignition and then stepped out of the Mustang.  He then slammed the door behind him and locked the car before approaching the front entrance of the diner, to do just that.


	9. Indecision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO, EVERYONE!!
> 
> So...some pretty awesome things I'd like to report—yes, I know, I'm a total dork...oh well. You all can forgive me, right...? Right?? *Laughs in the face of crickets* Yeah, okay. Totally fine with talking to myself...lolol.
> 
> First off, just noticed yesterday as I was preparing this chapter that as of last chapter, this story surpassed the first part of the series, Bitter at the Root by 386 words! Which is totally crazy to me, because I _swear_ that the chapters I've been posting for this story have been like twenty times shorter, but apparently not, lolol.
> 
> Secondly, I'd like to give a shout out of thanks to a few people who have newly commented on this story. Ishyko and claire—you guys rock! Also, I received a PM on fanfiction.net from a reader from France who gave me some encouraging words which I greatly appreciated. (Surprisingly...I remember a whole heck of a lot more French than I thought.) I love knowing that I have international readers!
> 
> Thanks also to those who recently kudoed, and I hope you all enjoy reading this chapter as much as I did writing it! Just two more to go! Sorry this one isn't as long as the last one—length kind of varies depending on my muse's mood. Lolol.

The bell attached to the door chimed when Jeremy rushed into the diner.  The man’s stormy grey eyes made a quick scan of all the booths.  As soon as Jeremy spotted Yancy, he wasted no time in making his way over to his friend.  The blonde looked up at him with red eyes when Jeremy slid into the other side of the booth and took off the cap he was wearing, slapping it lightly on top of the table before running a hand through his black hair.  

“Well, you look like shit…” Jeremy said with a frown.  “What’s this about you trying to skip town?”

Yancy placed his elbows on the table and leaned forward.  He clasped his hands together behind his neck and bowed his head forward.  His leg was also rapidly bouncing up and down underneath the table.  He shook his head.

“I’ve gotta do it, man,” said Yancy.  “I’ve made up my mind...it’s for Raleigh’s own good.”

“All right, now slow down,” Jeremy said tersely.  “And start from the beginning.  Why’s you leaving going to be good for Raleigh?  ‘Cause honestly, I can’t imagine any good that’s going to come out of you leaving him behind.  That kid loves you, man.”

Yancy shook his head some more, and his voice was shaky.  “You don’t even know the half of it, Jerry…”

Jeremy sighed and lifted up one of his hands before he smacked it back down lightly on the tabletop.  “Alright...so explain it to me.”

Yancy closed his eyes tightly.  “God...where do I even start…?”

Jeremy half-smiled, vaguely reminded of Raleigh saying something similar to him once, back when he was trying to explain a dream he had regarding Yancy.  Jeremy shrugged his shoulders and decided to tell Yancy something similar to what he had told his best friend’s younger brother.

“Just start from anywhere,” said Jeremy.  “I’ll try to connect all the dots.”

Yancy opened his mouth to speak when a waitress came by their table.  Jeremy looked up at the woman, who was smiling down at them.

“Good morning!  My name is Allie, and I’m going to be your server today.  You boys ready to order?”

Jeremy frowned.  “Oh!  Uh…”

He picked up one of the menus that was sticking out from a holder on one side of their table and quickly scanned his eyes over it.  He propped an elbow on the top of the bench he was sitting on and rested his neck against the hand that wasn’t holding the menu.

“I’ll have the um...two eggs and bacon,” said Jeremy.  

The waitress started scribbling some words on a pad of paper.  “Okay!  And how would you like your eggs cooked?”

“Overeasy.”

“You got it!” the waitress said before looking over at Yancy.  “And what would you like, sugar?”

“Oh...I’m all right, thank you,” said Yancy.

The server shrugged.  “No problem!  Let me know if you change your mind, darlin’.”

“I will, thanks,” said Yancy.

After the server left, Jeremy returned his attention to Yancy.  “Alright...so you were saying?”

Yancy dropped his voice down so that only his friend could hear.  Jeremy folded his arms over his chest and leaned forward to listen.  

“I don’t know if what we have towards each other is love,” said Yancy.  “I mean...he and I both have said it, but...I don’t know if that’s what it actually is.”

Jeremy shook his head slightly.  “You’re going to have to be a little more specific than that, man…”

Yancy sighed, propped his arm at the elbows, and clasped his hands together before his forehead against them.  He closed his eyes.

“I made him love me,” Yancy said, his voice trembling with guilt.  “I never gave him a choice…”

Jeremy frowned.  “What?  That doesn’t make any sense, man.  You can’t _force_ someone to love you.”

The blonde mumbled something that the dark-haired man couldn’t hear.  Jeremy leaned in closer towards his friend.

“What…?”

Yancy cleared his throat and spoke a little louder, just enough so only Jeremy could hear.  “I’ve been kissing him for as long as I can remember…”

Jeremy wet his lower lip.  “Alright...like how?”

“Just pecks at first, when we were kids,” said Yancy.

Jeremy shrugged slightly.  “That’s normal for siblings, isn’t it…?”

“Then I gave him tongue when he was about fourteen or fifteen…”

His friend’s mouth went dry.  “You…”

“Then I raped him,” Yancy said in the barest of whispers.  “...he was sixteen then.”

Jeremy’s eyes widened and he leaned back in his seat, reaching his hands up to his head.  “You _what_ …?   _Holy_ shiiit…”

Yancy opened his eyes and gave his best friend a rueful smile.  “...I take it Kyle left you in the dark about all this?”

Jeremy frowned.  “You’re telling me Kyle knew?”

Yancy sighed.  “There was no way he couldn’t have known.”

“What do you mean?” asked Jeremy.

Yancy half-smiled.  “When Raleigh and I went to the Jaeger Academy, Kyle was the one that mentored us there.  In the beginning—for the first few sessions—he was the one I Drifted with…”

“Ah...and you can’t hide shit there, can you?” asked Jeremy.  “Since you’re in each other’s heads and all?  Raleigh’s told me a few things about all that…”

“Yeah,” Yancy said, nodding.  “That’s exactly right.”

“Damn…” said Jeremy.

The two men sat there in an awkward silence until their server came by with Jeremy’s food.  The waitress looked between them curiously after she had set down Jeremy’s meal.

“You boys doing all right?”

Had Jeremy been like how he was when he was a few years younger, he might have told the woman off, but instead he smiled up at the server as polite as could be.  His voice, however, was slightly tight.

“We’re all right, ma’am,” he said.  “We’ll let you know if we need anything.”

The server was perceptive enough to sense the mood.  She nodded.

“Not a problem!  I’ll be back to check on you boys later.”

“Sure,” said Jeremy.

The dark-haired man then turned his attention back on his friend.  Yancy tilted his head and gave Jeremy a small smile.

“You’re...taking this awfully well, man,” said Yancy.  “I was expecting you to leave...or at least throw a punch at me by now.”

“Oh believe me, I’m still trying to figure that out,” Jeremy said as he ran a hand through his hair.  “I...this is just...it’s a hell of a lot to take in, man.”

Yancy sighed.  “Yeah...I know.”

“Just give me a second to think,” said Jeremy.

Yancy half-smiled and tilted his chin towards Jeremy’s food.  “...you not going to eat, man?”

Jeremy frowned.  “Is that a joke?  Do you honestly think I’ve got an appetite right now, after what you just told me?”

The blonde rubbed at the back of his neck.  “Yeah...you’re right, my bad...”

“When I said give me a second, I really meant that I needed it,” Jeremy said with a sigh.

He leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, rubbing at the bridge of his nose with his fingers.  After a few seconds, he opened them and leaned forward again.

“All right...tell me something,” said Jeremy.

Yancy gave his friend a one-shoulder shrug.  “Sure.  Ask.”

“If Kyle knew...how come he didn’t do anything?”

Yancy chuckled softly.  “Oh, he tried…”

“Really?” asked Jeremy.

“Yeah,” Yancy said with a nod.  “After Raleigh and I proved ourselves to be Drift compatible and were assigned to each other as co-pilots, Kyle was going to try and have us separated.”

Jeremy frowned.  “So what stopped him?”

Yancy shrugged again.  “Hell if I know, man...he sure wanted to punch my lights out at first.”

“I don’t blame him,” said Jeremy.  “Why didn’t he?”

“I don't know…” said Yancy.  “The only explanation I can come up with for that is that Raleigh pulled him aside and talked to him at some point...after that, he let us be.  Still gave me the stink-eye for a while though.”

“I would imagine…” Jeremy said with a half-smile.  “But…”

“But?” Yancy asked.

Jeremy shook his head.  “I don’t know, man...if Kyle let you go just because your brother said something, then…”

“Yeah?”

Jeremy sighed and ran a hand through his black hair.  “Then it makes sense why Kyle didn’t do anything.”

Yancy frowned.  “...what do you mean?”

“Look, man...Kyle never had and I sure as hell don’t have the kind of relationship with your brother that you have with him, but...Kyle’s always cared about your brother a lot, as I do,” Jeremy said with a shrug.  “My guess is...when Raleigh talked to him, he asked Kyle to back off.  Now, at the same time, I don’t think Kyle agreed to back down just like that.”

“You don’t?” asked Yancy.

Jeremy gave his friend a reprimanding look.  “C’mon, Yancy...this is _Kyle_ we’re talking about here.  You were his friend too.  You should know.  Raleigh must’ve just given him a good enough reason to stand down...or I bet you Kyle wouldn’t have.  In fact?  I wager my life on that bet...”

“Well...what about you?” asked Yancy.

Jeremy sighed.  “Well…”

Yancy took in a quiet breath and held it.  His friend slowly shook his head and knocked on the table with a fist.

“Morally speaking, I can’t say that I agree with the decisions that you’ve made…” said Jeremy.

“I...don’t expect you to,” Yancy said with a half-smile.  “In fact, I’d be surprised if you did…”

Jeremy nodded.  “At the same time...you’re also my friend…and if Kyle had enough reason to forgive you despite everything...then I suppose I can as well.”

Yancy looked at him skeptically.  “...just like that?”

Jeremy shrugged and shook his head.  “Look...what do you want, man?  A fight?  ‘Cause honestly...even _I_ think I’m getting a little too old for that…”

Yancy chuckled softly.  “You?  Losing your edge, Jerry?  Never thought I’d see the day…”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Jeremy.  “Laugh it up.”

“Seriously, though...I can’t believe you’re willing to let me off this easily,” said Yancy.  “I mean...even _I_ know how much shit I deserve for what I’ve done…”

Jeremy sighed.  “...and that’s exactly why, man.  Don’t you get it?  I think even Raleigh knows how hard you’ve been trying, and Kyle _had_ to have known.”

“That doesn’t make any of it right, though,” said Yancy.

“No, you’re right about that.  It doesn’t,” Jeremy agreed.  “Listen though, man...you and I are the same, in a certain respect.”

Yancy frowned.  “And what’s that, Jerry?”

“We’re not good with our words... _or_ our actions,” Jeremy said with a half-smile.  “In fact, we’re both pretty awful at showing how much we care to the people we love most…”

The dark-haired man sighed and looked away.  Yancy tilted his head.

“Kyle…” Yancy said softly.

Jeremy closed his eyes and nodded.  “Yeah.  I mean, he and I got along fine in general, but...I know there were times that I hurt him too, just like you’ve done with Raleigh...though not to the same extremes.”

Yancy gave his friend a small smile.  “He knew though, man.”

“Sure, but that doesn’t change that I still have some regrets,” Jeremy said, opening his eyes and looking back at his friend.  “Don’t make the same mistakes I did, Yancy.”

The blonde shook his head.  “We both know I’m not making a mistake, Jerry.  You know I have to leave Raleigh behind.”

“ _Bullshit_ ,” said Jeremy.  “You’re just trying to act like a hero, when really you’re just a coward.”

Yancy sighed.  “Well...I won’t deny that…”

Jeremy sighed.  “Look, man...despite how messed up you’ve told me things started, in a way, that doesn’t matter now.”

Yancy frowned.  “How do you figure that?”

“Well, Raleigh looked for you, didn’t he?” asked Jeremy.  “If I were him and if I had a brother like you that did things like you did, to me, and I hated you for it?  Then I sure as hell wouldn’t have gone looking for you at that hospital, even if I had the slightest inkling that you were there.  I’d be busy trying to stay as far away from you as possible.”

Yancy shook his head.  “But _because_ of what I did to him...I gave Raleigh a distorted view on what love is...I made him completely dependent on me.”

“Agree to disagree, man,” said Jeremy.  “Give your little brother some credit—I don’t think he’s _that_ stupid...in fact...you want to know what I honestly think?”

Yancy gave his friend a small shrug.  “Sure.  Go ahead.”

“This is based on what Kyle and I have always observed, in addition to the bit of extra information you just gave me a little while ago,” said Jeremy.  “I think you’ve always loved your brother.  Now, it may not be in the usual way, but it’s the most obvious thing in the world, man...I think Raleigh knows it too.”

“He still deserves better,” said Yancy.

“Well, aren’t _you_ better?” asked Jeremy.  "You know better now...don’t you?  That you don’t have to hurt him to keep him?”

“You don’t understand, man…” Yancy said, shaking his head.  “Now that I remember everything...sometimes I find myself slipping into old habits and—”

“No, that’s just you being dumb,” Jeremy said, cutting his friend off and pointing a finger at him.  “...and maybe a little bit of appropriate feelings of guilt laced in there too, I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?” asked Yancy.

“Let me put it this way, man,” Jeremy said, running a hand through his hair.  “If, at the core, you genuinely wanted to hurt your brother...I don’t think you’d be here talking to me about all this.  In fact, I don’t think running away from the situation would have even crossed your mind in the first place.”

Yancy lowered his eyes.  Jeremy knocked on the table again absently.

“Truthfully, the more I think about it, I think you’ve always had this irrational fear of losing him,” said Jeremy.  “And right now, you’d rather beat him to the punch, because you still think that’s the case.  Funny enough...I think I can understand that.”

Yancy frowned and then looked back up at his best friend.  “You mean like how you weren’t talking with Kyle for a little bit?  After he joined the PPDC?”

Jeremy half-smiled.  “What do _you_ think…?”

Yancy laughed tiredly.  Jeremy sighed and scratched at his forehead with his thumb.

“Now, in a lot of ways, I’m the absolute wrong person to be talking to about this love thing,” said Jeremy.  “But if you ask me...I think even if you had just let things be from the start, Raleigh would have gravitated towards you anyway.”

“What makes you say that?” asked Yancy.

“I don’t know,” Jeremy admitted.  “It’s just that...with the exception of you never existing in the first place, I don’t think I can imagine your brother being as happy as he is with you around anyone else.”

“You think he’s _happy_ with me?” Yancy asked incredulously.

“Well he was certainly the opposite of that when he thought you were dead, man,” Jeremy said with a slight shrug.

The dark-haired man then frowned and reached into his pocket.  When he pulled his hand back out, he was holding his phone, which was buzzing.  Jeremy looked at Yancy after checking who was calling him.  

“It’s Raleigh,” Jeremy said with a raised eyebrow.  “Did you shut off your phone or something?”

Yancy frowned and patted his own pockets at first before realization flashed in his eyes.  “Ah...I left mine in the car, I think.  Last I remember, I tossed it over in the passenger’s seat after I was done talking to you.”

Jeremy set his phone down on the table and nudged it over to his friend.  “Well...you want to get that then, man…?  ‘Cause I’m pretty sure the one he’s looking for right now isn’t me.”

The blonde hovered one of his hands over Jeremy’s cell phone, but didn’t pick it up.  Instead, he withdrew his hand behind his neck and shook his head.

“Nah, man,” said Yancy.  “I’d better not.”

Jeremy frowned.  “How long you plan on avoiding him for?”

“I told you,” said Yancy.  “I’ve made up my mind.  I’m leaving Anchorage.”

“You seriously going to go through with that plan?” Jeremy asked with irritation in his voice.  “I thought I’ve given you enough reasons against that idea.”

Jeremy shook his head.  He pointed to his still-buzzing phone.

“The kid’s still looking for you, man,” said Jeremy.  “That’s gotta count for something—and I’m not saying you don’t need help for the issues you’re struggling with, but that’s what friends are for...and don’t worry, I’m not going to stop being one.  We’ve known each other too long and been through too much together for me to just toss you aside like yesterday’s trash.”

Jeremy’s phone stopped ringing; the screen displayed one missed call.  After a brief pause, his phone started rattling again.

“I didn’t ask to meet with you so that I could have you convince me otherwise,” Yancy said finally.

Jeremy frowned.  “Okay...so then what _did_ you want to meet me for?”

“To say goodbye, I guess…” said Yancy.  “Figured, as long as we’ve known each other, you deserved that much…”

The phone quieted again, and Jeremy’s screen now blinked with two missed calls.  Soon after, Raleigh was trying again for a third time.

Yancy half-smiled.  “Also...I wanted to ask you for a favor.  To watch Raleigh for me.  As a brother.  That’s what he really needs, Jerry—not what I have to offer him.”

His best friend frowned.  “You wanted me to do something like that, you should’ve never revealed yourself to your brother again in the first place.”

Yancy shook his head.  “I had no idea what was going on then, remember?”

Jeremy smacked his hand down on the table, causing some of the silverware to clatter and a few curious patrons to briefly glance over in their direction.  The dark-haired man had them all turn back away when he shot them a glare.

“Damn it, Yancy!  Don’t you get it?” Jeremy hissed.  “Even if that was the case at first, the situation is totally different now!  You can’t just dangle a candy in front of a child and then take it away without ever giving it to them eventually.  That’s just cruel!”

“And that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Yancy said with a half-smile.  “I’m a cruel person at the core.  Raleigh will do better without me.”

“That kid will be _crying_ without you, Yancy,” said Jeremy.  “In fact, he’s crying now!  Look at how many fucking times he’s been calling, man.  It’s a good thing today doesn’t come with a heavy schedule or I wouldn’t even be able to get to a single client right now.  That kid is blowing up my phone like nobody’s business.”

Jeremy picked up his phone and shook it at Yancy.  The screen was showing nine missed calls from Raleigh.  The phone started to vibrate again in Jeremy’s hand.

“Good thing I have it on silent too,” said Jeremy.  “Or this thing would be getting on everyone’s damn nerves in here right about now.”

Yancy sighed and reached into his pocket.  Jeremy frowned at him.

“What’chu lookin’ for now, man?” asked Jeremy.

“My wallet,” Yancy said as he pulled it out.  “I’m going to pay for your meal like I promised and then go...we’re done talking here.”

His best friend narrowed his eyes.  “You’re being a fucking asshole right now.  You know that, right?”

“Well you should’ve been careful about what you wished for,” Yancy said tartly back.  “You kept saying you wished I remembered who I was.”

“Yeah, but the Yancy I knew wasn’t this much of a prick,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “At least, not towards Raleigh.”

“Then I guess you don’t know me as well as you thought,” Yancy said as he dug into his wallet.  “How much does this come out to be?  Ten?  Twenty?”

“Don’t worry about it, man,” said Jeremy.  “I can pay for my own damn food.”

“Twenty then,” Yancy said as he slapped the bill down onto the table.

Jeremy pushed the money back towards his friend.  “Fuck your money, man.  I don’t need it.”

“Fine, suit yourself,” Yancy snapped.  “Leave the whole damn thing for the waitress, then.  I don’t give a fuck.”

They both looked at Raleigh’s name flash across Jeremy’s screen for what seemed to be the millionth time.  Jeremy glared at his best friend.

“Look, I get it, you’re emotions are running high right now,” said Jeremy.  “But you’re making a huge mistake if you just up and leave like this.  I can’t believe Raleigh even let you walk out of the door without putting up a fight.”

“He couldn’t,” Yancy muttered.  “I drugged him.”

“You _what?!_  Okay...okay…” Jeremy groaned, closing his eyes and rubbing at the bridge of his nose.  “That explains a lot, but whatever.  Forget about all that right now.  I’m just asking you, Yancy...think a little bit harder about what you’re doing before you actually make that final decision, all right?  I swear I won’t rag on you for it if you walk out that door, suddenly change your mind, and decide to go on back home.”

“Yeah...all right…” Yancy said as he pushed himself up from his seat.  “Thanks, Jerry.”

“Seriously.  Think about it, man!” Jeremy said, calling after his friend’s retreating backside.

Yancy held a hand up in farewell, but otherwise ignored his best friend and left the diner.  After he had gone, Jeremy sighed and finally unraveled his utensils from the napkin beside his plate.  He stabbed his fork into his eggs and shoved a small portion into his mouth.

“Ugh…” he muttered as he picked up his napkin and wiped his lips with it.  “Eggs are fucking cold…”

He let his fork drop unceremoniously onto the table with a clatter and sighed.  He propped up an elbow, let his forehead rest against his hand and closed his eyes.  

“ _This conversation would have gone a whole damn lot better if you were still with us, Kyle,”_ Jeremy thought to himself.  “ _You always knew what the right words were to say and how to talk Yancy and I the fuck down…”_

The dark-haired man was distracted from his thoughts when he felt his phone vibrating again.  Jeremy sighed and answered the phone after confirming that the caller was indeed Raleigh once again.

“...hello?”

Raleigh’s voice sounded frazzled, just like Jeremy expected it would be.  “ _Jay…!  God...thank God...I...I’m sorry.  I hope I’m not bugging you...I know I’ve been calling incessantly, but…”_

“Nah, it’s all right.  It’s my fault.  I should have picked up sooner,” said Jeremy.  “What’s up…?  What’s going on…?”

“ _Its...it’s about Yancy...he…”_ Raleigh paused for a moment to take a breath.  “ _Is he_ _ **real**_ _, Jay?  Did I just make him up…?  You were at the hospital with me when we got him, weren’t you…?”_

Jeremy frowned.  “What are you talking about, man?   _Of course_ Yancy is real.  I was just talking to him...what gave you the idea that he might not be?”

He heard the younger man let out a huge sigh of relief.  “ _Oh man...for a minute there, I thought...since all his stuff is gone from the house—_ _ **wait**_ _.  You_ _ **just**_ _saw him?!”_

“...yeah,” Jeremy said, feeling a little guilty.  “I, uh...he...he just left.”

“ _From where?!”_

“We were at a diner,” said Jeremy.  “Well...he _was_...I’m still here.”

“ _Well?  What’d he say?”_ Raleigh asked; Jeremy could tell the younger man was trying to keep the impatience and irritation out of his voice.  “ _Why didn’t you stop him?”_

Jeremy sighed.  “I tried, man...I really did, but...your brother seems like he’s made up his mind.  You know how stubborn that man gets…”

He felt like his heart was clenching when he heard Raleigh’s strangled voice come through the phone.  “ _...so you don’t think he’s coming back home.”_

“I...I honestly don’t know,” Jeremy admitted.  “I tried to talk him out of leaving, but...the final decision’s got to be up to him, you know…?”

He listened to Raleigh choke back a sob.  “ _Yeah...yeah, I know...thanks, Jay…”_

The call went silent for a minute, aside from the occasional sound of the younger man’s sniffling.  Jeremy was about to say something when Raleigh spoke up again first.

“ _I can’t even feel him in the Drift anymore, Jay…”_

Jeremy frowned.  “I thought that was something you can’t just shut off?”

“ _I don’t know,”_ Raleigh said sadly.  “ _Maybe he figured out a way how to…”_

Jeremy sighed and massaged his temple.  “All right, well, listen, man...whether he comes back or not...you give me a call later, all right?  If you need me to...I’ll come over.”

He frowned when Raleigh didn’t respond right away.  Jeremy tried again with a slightly more forceful tone.

“You hear me, Raleigh?” asked Jeremy.  “ _All right?_ ”

He heard the other man make a sound that was a cross between a gasp and a sigh.  “ _Ah...yeah...I will.”_

“Okay…” said Jeremy.  “In fact, I can come over now if you need me to.”

“ _...nah, that’s all right, Jay,”_ said Raleigh.  “ _I think I just want to be alone for a little while…”_

Jeremy let out another sigh.  “All right, man, well...hang in there, okay?”

“ _Yeah...I’ll talk to you later.”_

“Don’t forget to call,” said Jeremy.

“ _I won’t.”_

They hung up the phone and then Jeremy returned his attention to his food.  He poked at the cold dish half-heartedly.  The waitress came by several seconds later wearing a slight frown.

“You don’t really look like you’re enjoying that, dear,” said the server.  “Would you like something else?”

“Nah, not your fault,” Jeremy said, with a small smile, shaking his head.  “Kind of lost my appetite, to tell you the truth.”

The woman tilted her head slightly to one side with a small, sympathetic smile.  “Where’s your friend…?”

Jeremy gave her a resigned laugh.  “Gone, I guess…”

“Hm…well, tell you what,” the waitress said, placing her hands on her hips.  “I’ll have the cook whip you up another one of what you ordered, and I’ll speak with the manager so that your meal can be on the house.”

“Nah, not necessary, ma’am.  Here…” Jeremy said as he pushed forward the twenty that Yancy had left behind.  “This is for you.  Keep the change.”

The server’s eyes rounded.  “Oh, no!  I couldn’t possibly…!”

Jeremy gave the woman a slight shrug.  “Don’t worry about it.  Thanks for the service.  You have a nice day…”

“Well, then next time you come in, be sure to ask for me,” said the waitress.  “The name’s Allie.  I’ll make sure you’re taken care of...be sure to bring your friend back, too.”

“If I can find him,” Jeremy said with a half-smile.  “Thanks though, I appreciate it.”

“Sure thing!”

Jeremy then made his way outside the diner and dug in his pockets for his cigarette box and lighter.  He lit one up the minute he reached his truck and leaned against it.

Meanwhile, Yancy was sitting in his car and was stopped at a traffic light.  It was an important intersection, and he had less than a minute to make his decision.  If he turned left, he’d be going back home; back to Raleigh, his precious little brother.  If he went right, it would be approximately five hours or so to the closest airport and out of the younger man’s life forever.

Yancy took several seconds to quickly weigh his options in his mind.  When he thought of turning left, his thoughts became filled with Raleigh.   _The younger man’s smile.  His laughter.  His warmth._ Yancy’s expression darkened though, when those thoughts quickly brought along with them reminders of what had brought him to this point in the first place.   _Raleigh’s eyes, filled with fear.  His younger brother’s pain.  His sadness.  All because of him._  Yancy didn’t want any future part in that.

He looked up when he felt the light turn green.  Then, Yancy closed his eyes for a second, took in a deep breath, and then opened them again before making the turn.


	10. Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. SO! Thanks to very detailed and heavy input from Ishyko and SublimeDiscordance, I made some edits to this chapter. At first, I totally thought I had to write it all over, but then I realized...I can just ADD stuff to what I already had, and it STILL WORKED! :D Amazing, right?! Anyway, thanks to them...this chapter totally got beefed up and obtained roughly 6-7 more pages—which is TOTALLY great, because even I was kind of skeptical on how thin the chapter was at first, but I thought well...it's ALMOST the end...and I don't know what else to say because all the things I DO want to say are all for the grand finale...SO...yeah!
> 
> Regarding Jeremy...seriously. I don't think I'll ever stop being amazed at how invested people have become in him. Even to me, he's become a really three-dimensional OC! LOL! Totally not my intention when I first started. He and Kyle were totally just meant to be in the background and then discarded when they had fulfilled their usefulness...except they ended up being useful for the long-term!! It brings tears to my eyes and touches my fluffy little heart to see people want to root for some kind of relationship for him. Hahaha. So awesome!! Can't stress it enough!!
> 
> Also, I totally fell over when I was about to post this and I saw that SublimeDiscordance sent me another lovely long comment. Again! I'm so happy!! :) (By the way...your fic...TOTALLY MAKES ME SELF-CONSCIOUS!! But more on that later...I'll shoot you a comment or something. I am not a fan of that fandom at all, but I totally read things as if they're just a bunch of OCs when it's written by someone I like/love/appreciate/all of the above. Did that make ANY kind of sense right now?? Oh gosh...I hope it did. Lolol.)
> 
> TONS of love to the one French speaker who made themselves known! :) I speak terribly broken French, but I'm so happy to communicate with someone about this story in another language! :D Their comments have also been such a joy! And super long too!! Haha.
> 
> I'm also a total dork and saw user ohtorikyoya's comment that they put on the bookmark they made for my Depth of Obsession series, and it reads: "Yes! I'm in love with this!!" XD I love it! Totally by chance that I saw it, but it made my evening! Sorry I caught it so late, and thanks for the kudos!!
> 
> Last, but not least, I am making an announcement. So some of you all have known for a while, but due to the enthusiasm of my small clan (that seems to be growing?! Yay!! :D) of readers who fell in love with my OCs...as a token of appreciation...I am totally sticking around this universe a little bit longer and giving my OCs some more depth in a side-story collection!! :D Much love to all of you!!
> 
> Final chapter for this story just around the bend!! Stay tuned, my absolutely amazing and fantastic support team of readers!! :)

Raleigh didn’t know how long he sat on the floor in panic after discovering that Yancy had disappeared, seemingly without a trace.  Once he finally managed to calm down, Raleigh closed his eyes and took several moments to think.  

The first thing he decided to do was to search for his brother through their neural link.   _Surely_ , Raleigh thought, that if Yancy _did_ exist at all, then Raleigh would feel him there.  Unfortunately, no matter how much he strained to feel even a sliver of his brother’s subconsciousness, Raleigh couldn’t find anything.  He pushed down the feeling of panic that was threatening to rise within his chest again.

“ _Come on, Raleigh...think!”_ Raleigh thought to himself.  “ _What else can you do…?”_

That’s when he remembered his phone.  He got up from where he was sitting and raced towards where he knew he had left it.  He clicked on the menu option for speeddial, and found Yancy’s name at the top of the list.  Raleigh hovered his finger over it.

“See?  It’s here…” Raleigh muttered to himself.  “I couldn’t have made this up too...right?”

His heart sank when he dialed the number and the call went straight to voicemail after several rings.  Yancy hadn’t set up a personalized message, that was, given if this really was his brother’s number.  Raleigh didn’t like this feeling of doubt growing within him.  He tried a couple more times only to be faced with the same result.  With each failed call, Raleigh grew more agitated.  He finally gave up calling his brother’s number; he was starting to become paranoid that maybe the number belonged to someone else.  If that were the case, he didn’t want to bother them.  In his panic, he never thought to check his call history.  If he had, he might have found some comfort in seeing that he had some received calls from Yancy’s number at some point.

Instead, after a few minutes, he decided to call Jeremy.  He decided that if anyone could help to sort things out, it would be his brother’s best friend.  When Jeremy didn’t answer right away, Raleigh’s uneasiness grew.  He didn’t mean to, but he found that he couldn’t help the compulsive act of redialing the older man’s number.  At the same time, Raleigh tried to find ways to create an interval of silence between calls, all the while trying to wrap his head around the entire situation.

“ _Jay’s busy...that must be why he’s not answering my calls right now,”_ Raleigh told himself as he began to pace back and forth in his room.  “ _Probably not a good idea to get on his nerves.  He’ll get back to me, won’t he…?”_

Jeremy finally answered at about Raleigh’s fourteenth or fifteenth call.  The conversation had only lasted about nine or ten minutes, but what the man had to say was enough to leave Raleigh’s mind reeling after they ended the call.   _Yancy was alive._ He hadn’t imagined his brother after all.  That still left him with unanswered questions though.   _How had he managed to leave without Raleigh even knowing?  Why was there no trace of him left in the house?_

Raleigh didn’t know long he sat on his bed for, staring blankly at the wall and phone in hand.  He felt cold and frozen.  Then, after several moments of silence, Raleigh closed his eyes.  Overcome with grief, he screamed in his mind for his brother.  That’s when he saw the visions.

 _Yancy stopped at a traffic light._  As soon as Raleigh was seeing things from his brother’s perspective, he latched on with all his might.  It took Raleigh a minute to realize what he was seeing had already happened.  He was Ghost-Drifting with his brother much in the same way the connection worked when they were using Gipsy Danger as their medium—there was a haze over memories that had already occurred, and Raleigh only needed to zoom past them to reach what his brother was seeing in real-time. 

Raleigh barely registered himself gripping the sheets of his bed tightly in his hand as he let his brother’s most recent thoughts and memories whiz by.   _The light turning green at the intersection.  His brother making a turn._ Raleigh clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white.  He felt his heart leap into his throat as he probed harder, trying to figure out where his brother had gone.   _The bright lights shining from one of Alaska’s airports._  

“ _No…!”_ Raleigh tried to send the thoughts to his brother.  “ _Yancy, please…!  Not there…!”_

More visions floated by—scenes of things that had happened earlier.  Raleigh saw some things that better explained to him his brother’s most recent skittish behavior.   _Yancy remembering and being horrified by their tumultuous past.  Yancy wanting to touch Raleigh with motives different from when he hadn’t remembered any of it at all._ Then Raleigh saw something that made him extremely upset.   _Yancy lying about not being able to sleep.  Yancy obtaining the sleeping drugs and crushing them into Raleigh’s dinner._  That was why he had been so tired the previous night when they had made love, Raleigh realized.  That was also how Yancy had managed to leave without the younger man knowing that morning—after all, Raleigh was always the early riser and lighter sleeper.  If there was anyone who had issues with insomnia, it had always been Raleigh.

The information was too much to take in, and Raleigh was overwhelmed with grief and anger.  He felt anguish that it seemed his brother was about to leave his grasp forever; he was furious that Yancy still didn’t seem to trust him enough, or value their relationship enough to at least try and work things out first before giving up and running away.  

Finally, out of frustration, Raleigh slapped his hands onto his ears and let out a guttural cry at the same time as he shot out the sharpest feeling of frustration that he could muster through the neural link he shared with his brother, hoping that Yancy would get the message.  Then suddenly, Raleigh felt a familiar push, and he could almost hear Tendo’s voice counting down until he and his brother successfully bridged a connection.  “ _And three...two...one…!”_

Once Raleigh was thrust into his brother’s real-time view, it took him a second to get reoriented and figure out what exactly he was looking at.  In the back of his mind, he wondered why Yancy had suddenly let the younger man into his head after having intentionally blocked him, but Raleigh decided to push that thought to the back of his mind later.

 _Yancy passing by buildings._  Raleigh frowned and wondered where his brother had gone.  Apparently it looked like he had gotten on and off a plane, and he was driving a rental car.   _Yancy, making a turn into a residential neighborhood._  Raleigh searched his brother’s thoughts, trying to find clues as to where his brother had decided to go.  He was surprised to feel no resistance during his search.  Either Yancy was too busy concentrating on where he was going to notice, or he just didn’t care anymore.

Then, Raleigh felt something from his brother sent through their connection that he wasn’t expecting.   _A smile._  Raleigh’s eyes widened as everything fell into place.   _Yancy making another turn._  

Raleigh’s eyes widened and he bolted from his bed.  He thundered down the front steps as the last vision Yancy sent him played over and over again in his mind.   _Yancy pulling into a driveway—_ _ **their**_ _driveway.  Yancy was here.  Yancy was home._

When Raleigh reached the front door, he flung it open and rushed out of the house without a second thought.  He desperately wished for the last vision he saw in his mind to be true, and it was.  Yancy was coming out of his car the minute Raleigh ran down the steps of their front porch.  The older man had just barely closed the door to the Mustang when he was forced to react quickly, opening his arms to catch his brother as Raleigh tackled Yancy onto the ground of their front lawn.

“Yancy…!  Yancy…!   _Yancy_ …!” Raleigh sobbed into his older brother’s chest.

Yancy chuckled, his own eyes glassy.  He pressed a kiss on top of his younger brother’s head and ruffled his hair with one hand while patting the younger man’s back with the other.

“Yeah...yeah, I know, kid…I’m sorry,” Yancy said softly.

He waited for a minute until his younger brother calmed down.  When he did, Raleigh pulled back and punched his brother with a dull thump to the chest.  Yancy half-smiled when Raleigh glared down at him.  Raleigh punched him again.  Yancy’s lips parted slightly, but he didn’t protest—his younger brother wasn’t hitting him all that hard anyway.  After about the tenth or eleventh punch, Yancy caught his brother’s hands in his own.

“Hey…” Yancy whispered.  “Why don’t we take this inside, instead of making this a scene...hm?”

His younger brother tried to punch him again and growled when he couldn’t break his arms free from Yancy’s hold.  “You fucking _drugged me_ , Yance…!  Like what the hell?!”

Yancy sighed.  “Yeah, I know...I know, kid...I just thought—”

“What, that you were doing things with my best interests in mind?” Raleigh snapped, cutting his brother off.  “ _Damn it_ , Yancy!  Let _me_ fucking decide what’s in my best interests for once!  I’m old enough now…!”

Yancy chuckled.  “You’ve been hanging around Jerry a little too much these days now, haven’t you…?  You’re starting to sound a lot like him, the way you’re running your mouth…”

Raleigh sighed and calmed down a little.  “Sorry, Yancy…”

His older brother half-smiled.  “Nah...it’s okay...you’re right.  You really are a grown man now…”

“That’s right!” Raleigh said, nodding firmly.

Yancy laughed.  “Well, all right...come on now, kid...let’s get inside.  If we keep this up, we’re probably going to be the talk of the town come tomorrow.”

He let go of his brother’s hands when Raleigh relaxed his arms.  The younger man lowered himself on top of his brother once more and pressed his face into Yancy’s neck.  Raleigh hugged his arms around his brother.

“You wouldn’t want that now, would ya?” Yancy asked.

“I _don’t care_ , Yance…” Raleigh said quietly back.  “I’m just glad you’re back…”

The older man sighed.  The two men laid like that for a while, until finally Yancy gave his brother a firm pat on the back.

“Okay, Rals,” said Yancy.  “I’m getting tired...let’s go in the house and take a nap.”

Raleigh gently curled his fists around part of his brother’s shirt.  “I’m afraid to go to sleep…”

Yancy sighed again and ran his fingers gently through his brother’s hair.  “I know...I’ll be here when you get up this time.  I promise, kid…”

The younger man pressed his cheek against his brother’s and spoke tearfully into Yancy’s ear.  “You’ve broken your promises to me so many times, Yancy…!  I don’t think my heart can take it anymore…!”

His older brother responded by trailing a flurry of kisses down the side of his face.  “I know...I know, kid...I’m sorry.  This time I won’t...I swear it…”

“How can I know this time for sure…?” asked Raleigh.

Yancy sighed and closed his eyes.  He sent his younger brother a visual through their Drift connection.  Upon seeing it, Raleigh let out a choked sob and lifted his head so he could look at his brother.  The older man smiled up at him warmly and brushed Raleigh’s stray hairs away from his face.

“How does that work for you, kid…?” Yancy asked.

Raleigh took hold of the hand that his brother had cupped around his face and brought it to his lips so he could place a kiss against it.  “Mm...yeah, Yancy...that works just fine.”

The older man chuckled.  “Well, then let’s get ourselves inside, then.”

The younger man nodded.  “Okay…”

When Raleigh pulled back, Yancy was able to get up partway.  He chuckled as he leaned back on his hands, looking at his brother who was seated comfortably in his lap, facing him.  

“You know...this is only going to work if we both get up, kid,” said Yancy.

Raleigh frowned.  “Yeah...yeah, I know...I just…”

Yancy smiled and leaned forward.  Both men closed their eyes as Yancy pressed their foreheads together. 

“I’m not going anywhere anymore, kid...I’ve decided to stop running,” said Yancy.  “So let’s get inside, and then we’ll talk.”

His younger brother let out a sigh.  “Yeah...alright...okay…”

Raleigh slowly got up into a standing position and held out a hand towards his brother.  The older man smiled a bit more and took it; entwining fingers with his younger brother as they headed inside of their house.  

“Oh, shit!” Raleigh said as moved more quickly up the stairs, tugging his brother along.

“Whoa, slow down there, kid!” Yancy said as he stumbled after his brother.  “What’s the rush?  I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yeah.   _You_ know that, and _I_ know that,” Raleigh said as he nudged their bedroom door open with one of his feet.  “But _Jeremy_ doesn’t have a fucking clue!”

Yancy obediently sat down on Raleigh’s bed when his younger brother pushed him there.  He raised an eyebrow.

“You going to call him, then?”

His younger brother glared at him as he picked up his phone from the ground.  “Are you _seriously_ asking that as a question right now, Yancy?   _Of course_ I’m going to call him!  He’s probably worried sick!”

“Gee, I wonder whose fault that was,” Yancy said with a half-smile.

Raleigh shook his head and punched his brother in the chest.  His older brother laughed.

“Hey!”

“Both of ours, you moron!” said Raleigh.  “And you deserved that!  That one was on Jeremy’s behalf.”

Yancy chuckled and reached his hands out for his younger brother’s waist.  “Yeah, all right...c’mere, kid…”

The younger man settled onto his brother’s lap as Yancy pulled him in.  He held the phone up to his ear with one hand after pressing Jeremy’s number.  The other man answered almost immediately after the first ring.

“ _Raleigh?”_

“Yeah, it’s me, Jay,” said Raleigh.  

He trailed the fingers of his free hand down the side of one of Yancy’s arms.  The two brothers exchanged a small smile.

“ _What is it, man?  Everything all right?  You want me to head on over there?”_

“No, no,” Raleigh said quickly.  “It’s fine.  Everything’s _fine_ here…”

He frowned when the other man didn’t respond right away.  Raleigh tilted his head.

“Jay…?”

Yancy raised both of his eyebrows.  Raleigh shook his head at him and shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he mouthed.

His older brother frowned and motioned for him to hand over the phone.  Raleigh shook his head again and held up a finger, silently asking his brother to wait.

“Ja—”

“ _Ah...yeah.  Hey, I’m here.  Sorry...I was just turning.  What was that you said?”_

Raleigh half-smiled.  “Oh.  That’s all right!  I was just saying...everything is all right here…”

“ _...it is?”_

Raleigh smiled and brushed a few strands of hair out of his brother’s face.  Yancy’s eyebrows lowered.  

“Yeah, Jay...it is,” said Raleigh.  “...Yancy’s back.”

This time he didn’t worry when there was silence on the other end.  He could hear the steady stream of noises coming from the road Jeremy was driving on through the phone. 

Finally, Jeremy spoke.  “ _He really came home?”_

Raleigh nodded even though he knew it was silly since the other man couldn’t see it.  “Yeah, Jay...he came home.  In fact…?  He’s right here.  I’m sitting on him.”

He smiled when he heard the other man chuckle.  He could almost imagine Jeremy jabbing a finger at him when he spoke again.

“ _All right.  First of all, that was way too fucking much information,”_ said Jeremy.

Raleigh laughed.  He could imagine the other man shaking his head.

“ _Second of all...do me a favor, will ya?”_ asked Jeremy.

“Sure, Jay,” said Raleigh.  “What is it?”

“ _Pass your damn brother the motherfucking phone, please._ _ **Right.  Now.**_ ”

The younger man’s body shook with quiet laughter.  “Yeah.  Okay, Jay...hang on, just a second…”

He lowered the phone from his face and held it out towards his brother.  Raleigh tilted his head.

“It’s for you, Yance,” Raleigh said with mild amusement.  “He wants to talk to you.”

Yancy raised an eyebrow.  “Does he now…?  Yeah...all right.  I bet he does.  Thanks.”

He took the phone from his brother’s hand.  Raleigh rolled over to the side and watched as his brother got up.  Yancy paced over to the opposite side of the room, raising the phone to his ear and rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Yeah, uh...hello?” said Yancy.

Raleigh had to stifle his laughter when he heard Jeremy’s angry voice boom through the phone.  “ _ **Seriously**_ _, man..._ _ **what**_ _the_ _ **fuck**_ … _?!”_

Yancy half-smiled.  “Hey…!  I thought you weren’t going to hold it against me?”

“ _Dude, I swear...next time I see your damn face…!”_

The blonde chuckled.  “Nice to hear you’ve got your fire back, Jerry…”

“ _ **Hell yeah**_ _it’s back, man!”_ Jeremy exclaimed.  “ _I was in fucking shock before!  Now that I’m with the program—”_

“Yeah, yeah…” said Yancy.  “Don’t worry, man.  Next time we meet, I’ll let you get all your hits in.”

“ _Yeah you will!”_ said Jeremy.  “ _You fucking owe me!”_

“Hey!  I left you a twenty at the diner!” Yancy said with a smile.

“ _For a breakfast that went cold!”_ Jeremy shot back.  “ _Oh yeah...that reminds me…”_

Yancy raised an eyebrow.  “Yeah?”

“ _I left that whole bill for that waitress,”_ said Jeremy.

“You _what?_ ” Yancy asked, amused.  “Were you feeling extra generous or something?”

“ _Fuck you!”_ said Jeremy.  “ _It was your damn idea in the first place…”_

Yancy laughed.  “Aha...you’re right...that it was.”

“ _Yeah.  So anyway, because of that,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _That waitress said we’re welcome to come back for another meal.  On the house.”_

“You don’t say,” said Yancy.

“ _Well I want my fucking eggs warm and overeasy,”_ said Jeremy.

The blonde laughed.  “Yeah, all right, man...we’ll go.  Just name the date and time.”

“ _Fucking_ _**whenever**_ _, man,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _ **You**_ _call_ _ **me**_ _.”_

Yancy smiled and shook his head in amusement.  “Yeah...all right, Jerry.  I’ll do that.”

“ _Now you fucking take care of your brother and stay the hell put,”_ said Jeremy.  “ _I swear...we’re going to need to fucking stick a GPS tag on you or_ _**something**_ …”

Yancy laughed.  “Not necessary, dude...I’m not going anywhere.  Not anymore.”

His friend replied after a pause.  “ _...all right then, man.  You give me a call later.”_

“Yeah, sure thing, bro,” said Yancy.

He hung up the phone and then turned towards his brother.  Raleigh smiled when the older man drew closer to him.  Yancy placed the phone on their nightstand before climbing onto his brother’s bed.  Raleigh laughed as Yancy maneuvered on top of him.

“What’s he sayin’?” asked Raleigh.

Yancy chuckled.  “A whole lotta damns and I lost count of how many fucks.”

His brother playfully smacked him in the chest.  “He’s your best friend, Yance…!  Stop being such an asshole.”

“Same thing he’s been telling me all our damn lives,” Yancy said with a slight shrug.  “...you’ve been hanging around him too damn much, I think.”

The younger man gave him a small smirk.  “What...you jealous?”

“Hm... _maybe_ …?” Yancy said with a smile as he leaned in to kiss his brother.  “...I know I can fix that, though.”

Raleigh left softly as their lips met.  “ _Mmhmm_ …”

The lovemaking between them that evening was nice and slow—by the end of it, their naked bodies were still entangled as they cuddled together under Raleigh’s blanket.  The younger man’s head was resting on his brother’s left arm, and he was absently tracing his finger along his older brother’s chest.  Yancy looked down at him with tenderness while raking his fingers through Raleigh’s hair.  Both men were smiling contentedly.

“So…” Yancy said finally, breaking the comfortable silence.  

His younger brother looked up at him.  Yancy took in a short breath before continuing.

“I promised you a talk, didn’t I, kid…?”

“Mm...yeah…” said Raleigh.  “But we don’t have to do that right this minute...”

The older man chuckled and took one of the younger man’s hands into his own.  “Oh, but I think we do…”

Yancy pressed a kiss to the hand he was holding.  “I promised not to run anymore, remember…?  That also means we need to talk about what we’re getting into here…”

Raleigh laughed and pressed his forehead against his brother’s chest.  “Aw... _Yance_ …!”

“Don’t you ‘aw, Yance’ me!” his older brother said, lips quirking with amusement.  “I’m trying to be serious here…!”

“And I am too,” Raleigh said as he looked up into his brother’s eyes.  “...I know what I’m getting into, Yancy...I’ve known all along.”

The older man frowned slightly.  “...what do you mean?”

“I _mean_ ,” said Raleigh.  “That it’s okay... _all_ of it.  The good _and_ the bad…”

He pressed a palm against Yancy’s chest and spread out his fingers.  The younger man continued to speak while focusing on his hand.

“...because I know where your heart is,” Raleigh whispered.  “That’s what makes everything alright in the end.”

Yancy shook his head.  “How…?”

Raleigh shrugged slightly.  “Does it matter how or why…?  All that matters to me is that you’re here, right now, with me…”

He looked up at his older brother expectantly.  “...and I should hope that that’s enough for you, too.”

Yancy half-smiled and tilted his head slightly to one side.  “Mmhmm...it is…”

“Then what more is there to discuss?” Raleigh asked.

His older brother frowned slightly and hesitated.  “I…”

“ _Yancy_ ,” said Raleigh.  “Think about it.  If anything, you losing your memory for a bit turned out to be a good thing for us.”

The younger man continued when his older brother remained silent.  Raleigh turned his head slightly and pressed a kiss against his brother’s shoulder.

“Through that experience, you learned to treat me in a way that I think you’ve always wanted to,” said Raleigh.  “And after your memories caught up...look at where we are now.  Look at how far you’ve come…”

He smiled and craned his neck up.  Yancy sensed what his younger brother wanted and met him halfway.  Raleigh lightly nuzzled his nose against his brother’s.

“Even when it was hard for you, you held yourself back,” said Raleigh.  “You haven’t hurt me physically since...well, since forever, really.”

The younger man sighed and pulled back a little.  He smiled when he found Yancy watching him intently.

“The only way you could even hurt me anymore is by leaving…” Raleigh whispered.  “And you promised to never do that ever again...right?”

The other man nodded slowly.  “...right.”

Raleigh’s smile grew a little wider.  “Then there’s nothing at all to atone for...so stop feeling so guilty about everything that’s in the past.  Let’s just leave it there, and move on...yeah?”

He tilted his head back and his older brother leaned his head a little more down.  In a few seconds, the two closed the distance between them and locked lips.  Yancy hummed his agreement to Raleigh’s words into the younger man’s mouth as they kissed.

When they pulled apart, Yancy looked deep into his younger brother’s eyes.  He continued stroking his younger brother’s hair back with one of his thumbs.

“So…” he said softly.  “Then what’s next for us when we wake up in the morning tomorrow, kid…?”

“Well, work... _obviously_ ,” Raleigh said with a smile.  “We can’t leave good ol’ Jay hanging...right?”

His older brother chuckled, and the younger man interpreted that as his brother agreeing with him.  Raleigh brought one of his hands up to the older man’s face. 

“Seriously though, Yance…” Raleigh said while shaking his head.  “It really doesn’t matter to me...I’ll do whatever you want…”

He lifted his head and gave his older brother another kiss.  Yancy was more than happy to respond in kind.  His younger brother smiled against his lips.

“Just like I used to—like how I’ve always done...” Raleigh said softly.  “How I always will…”

The younger man let out a small noise of contentment when his brother adjusted himself so that Raleigh was underneath the older man.  He welcomed the next kiss, which Yancy initiated.

“I love you, Raleigh…” the older man whispered.

Raleigh clasped his hands behind his brother’s neck and smiled.  “I know...I love you, too.”

Not too long afterward, the two men settled into sleep; fingers entwined and both wrapped comfortably under the covers.  The dog tags around each man’s neck were slightly tangled around each other, but that was something the two of them would wake up to and deal with in the morning.

Raleigh went to bed thinking of the last thing his brother had shown him over the Drift when they had both been sitting outside.   _Yancy stopped at a traffic light.  Yancy making a split decision.  Yancy coming home.  He had decided to_ _ **come home**_ _, because he had_ _ **changed his mind**_ — _for good this time._ The younger man smiled in his sleep.

Yancy also closed his eyes and when he did, his mind replayed the moments leading up to his homecoming.   _Turning left on faith.  Unblocking the Drift connection.  Feeling Raleigh’s trepidation.  Raleigh slowly realizing what it was he was seeing.  Raleigh running out of the house and pinning him to the ground after he had pulled into their driveway.  Raleigh’s feelings of relief, love, and overwhelming joy._  Yancy fell asleep knowing.   _He had made the right choice._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I think I TOTALLY caught all the dang formatting errors this time...BUUUT...if you see any, please excuse them. :( AO3 really dislikes me and smushes all these words and paragraphs together...SIGHHHH.


	11. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. So it's finally here...the end!! I'm so nervous to hear what people think about it. I hope I've managed to end it to your satisfaction!! Meant to have this out...two days ago now? I think? Gosh...why do these chapters never get finished in time to get posted according to my original plan? Lol. 
> 
> Anyway, it is thanks to all my dedicated readers that I was able to get all this done this quickly! I don't think I've written a series or this many chapters to each story this long in my life! (I guess that won't be true once I finish the request for Hardyness, but hey! So far, this is a huge accomplishment for me!)
> 
> Now, something interesting happened during the course of writing this fic. Those that spoke up expressed how they've gotten attached to my OC's in ways that I **_never_** expected when I started writing this series. Originally, this was only supposed to be a two-part gig. Thanks to users like Hardyness, SublimeDiscordance, bluebluebonnet, claire, Ishyko, and duneline, among others, I was totally inspired to make a _third_ part to this series, making it a trilogy!! This is exciting because I never intended for that to happen, and now it will! To those who supported this and the first story in this series, Bitter at the Root, consider this my gift to you! The next fic in this series will be something like an inside joke for us. (I hope that made sense!) Anyway, stay tuned for more! In the next story, my OC's take center stage!! (I think this is also the first time I've ever made an OC-centric fic. Yancy and Raleigh will still be there as well, but as more of a supporting couple than anything else.) Also, who Jeremy ends up with (if anyone at all) is up to you readers, so be sure to voice your opinions as that story progresses! 
> 
> Finally, I would like to mention that I also honored a small request from SublimeDiscordance. More of a nod than anything, but I hope you all enjoy the Easter egg! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has supported me thus far, and I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Hope to see you all on the next fic, as well as any future projects I write! I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all the kudos and written support!

These days, Jeremy just watched.  He didn’t mind though, not at first.  It was nice to have things quiet for a change.  He pulled out the cigarette in his mouth and let the smoke stream out from his nostrils as he watched the Becket brothers work together a short distance away from where he stood.

Yancy was explaining something to his little brother and Raleigh was listening intently.  When the older man was done, Raleigh gave his brother a smile and a small nod before they set to work.  Jeremy turned to focus on his own work after seeing the other two men lift a long piece of wood.  He chucked his finished cigarette butt onto the ground and mashed it under his heel before returning to his own tasks.

“Hey, Yance?  I was wondering…” said Raleigh.  “Could we go watch a flick tonight after work?”

Both men set the wooden post into an anchor.  Yancy smiled at his brother.

“Sure thing, Rals,” he said.  

“I was thinking dinner too,” said Raleigh.  

His older brother gave him a slightly shrug.  “I don’t see why not.  Anywhere in particular you had in mind?”

The younger man nodded.  “Yeah, actually.  I got a call from Tendo…”

“Oh yeah?  How’s he doing?” asked Yancy.

“Good, actually!” said Raleigh.  “I hadn’t heard from him in a while.  He called me the other day while you were taking a shower...I told him about how you’re still alive, and how I found you.”

The older man smiled.  “What’d he say to that?”

“He was surprised,” said Raleigh.  “Really surprised, actually...but happy too.”

“Guess I should catch up with him too, sometime,” said Yancy.

His younger brother nodded.  “Yeah!  Actually, that’s why I mentioned maybe we should go out today.”

“Oh?”

“Well, he’s in town,” said Raleigh.  “So are those two scientists...I keep forgetting their names though.”

Yancy tilted his head to the side.  “Scientists?”

“Yeah,” Raleigh said with a nod.  “I met them after...well, anyway, I think their names were Gizzard and Gotti…”

His older brother regarded him with amusement.  “You sure you’re remembering those right, kid?”

“I think so…?  Eh, whatever,” Raleigh said with a laugh.  “When they introduce themselves to you, that’s when I’ll be reminded.

“You’re terrible, you know that?” Yancy said with a laugh.  “So tonight’s going to be some kind of get-together?”

His younger brother nodded.  “Yeah…I mean, if you’re up for it?”

Yancy shrugged.  “Sure.  Why not?  It’ll be good to see Tendo again after all this time.”

Raleigh smiled.  “Yeah.  Let me shoot him a text!”

He laughed when Yancy ruffled his hair.  The older man gave him a warm smile back.

“Sure thing, kid.  But afterwards you’ve got to help me with this beam, yeah?” 

“Yeah, I will, don’t worry,” said Raleigh.

After Raleigh finalized plans with Tendo and the scientists, he returned to work alongside his brother.  The next several hours went by quickly, and before either of the men knew it, it was time to pack up and go home for the day.  Just before leaving, both men made sure to say their goodbyes to Yancy’s best friend.

“You two headed off somewhere?” Jeremy asked.

“Yeah,” Raleigh said with a nod.  “Yancy and I are going to meet a few people from the PPDC.”

Jeremy smiled.  “Ah, I see.  You both have fun then.”

Yancy quirked an eyebrow.  “Did you want to do something, by any chance?”

His friend rubbed the back of his neck.  “Oh, uh...don’t worry about it.  Some other time, man.”

“You’re welcome to come with us if you want, Jerry,” Yancy said with a shrug.  “Heck, I don’t even know two of the people we’re meeting up with.  They came on board later, after me.”

Jeremy shook his head.  “Nah...that’s all right.  I’d still feel out of place anyway.  That whole PPDC thing...that was all you guys.”

Yancy frowned.  He turned to his brother and held up a set of car keys in his hand.

“Hey, kid!” said Yancy.

“Yeah?” asked Raleigh.

“Do me a favor and wait for me in the car, yeah?” Yancy said as he made a gesture signaling to his brother that he was about to toss the keys.

The younger man nodded.  “Yeah, no problem, Yance!”

He held up one hand, ready to catch the keys.  Yancy tossed them.  Raleigh twirled them by the key ring around one of his fingers and gave his brother and Jeremy a smile before heading off to the car.  After the younger man had gone, Yancy turned to his friend.

“What’s up, man?  Did you want to go and grab some drinks?” Yancy asked.  “I can just have Raleigh go on ahead without me.”

“Seriously, it’s all right,” said Jeremy.  “It’s not a big deal.  I don’t want to take you two away from your friends.  I’m always around, anyway.  We can catch up another day.”

“Well it’s true we haven’t talked in a while,” said Yancy.  “Things have been busy.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Jeremy said with a small smile.  “How have things been for you two lately anyway?  You both work out all your issues?”

“We’re doing pretty well I think,” Yancy said with a nod.  “Still haven’t really gotten around to talking about things in depth for us though.”

“Eh, I guess I don’t blame him,” Jeremy said, scratching at the back of his neck.  “Give him a little time.  I’m sure he’ll want to talk eventually.”

“Why do you think he’s avoiding the subject?” Yancy asked.

“Well think about it, man,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “You’ve pretty much been a walking time bomb ever since we found you again.  Between you not remembering anything about him and then just high tailing it when you finally did...kid probably doesn’t want to do anything he thinks might trigger another flight reaction.”

Yancy frowned.  “Hm...I never really thought about it like that.”

“I mean, it sounds stupid...but just follow his lead for once,” said Jeremy.  “Show him this is how things really are going to be from now on; let him feel safe enough so that he’ll finally be ready to talk about things.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…” said Yancy.  “But what if it seems like he’s never ready.”

“Eh, I think he will be at some point,” said Jeremy.  “And you’ll know.  You’ve always been good about reading your brother.”

The blonde snorted softly.  “At this point, I don’t know whether or not that’s actually a good thing…”

“Hey.  Nothing but positive thinking from now on,” Jeremy said as he pulled out his box of cigarettes and a lighter from one of his pockets.  “By the way...you have everything under control, lately?”

“You know...surprisingly?  Yes.  I think so,” said Yancy.  “I think that talk we had at the diner set me straight.”

His friend cupped his hands around where he was lighting his cigarette and spoke from the corner of his mouth as he did so.  “Good.  I was hoping it would.  Deciding whether you’ll be the same person as yesterday or to leave that behind and be a new person—that’s a choice.  Nothing’s set in stone.”

“Yeah, I get it man,” Yancy said with a nod.  “I know that now.”

“I mean, maybe you were that person before, yeah,” Jeremy continued as he blew out a puff of smoke.  “But you sure as hell know better now.”

“On that note...you really should quit those cancer sticks, man,” Yancy said with a chuckle.

“ _Man_...you’ve been telling me that for _years_ ,” said Jeremy.

“Since middle school,” said Yancy.

“And yet here I am, still alive and kicking,” Jeremy said, shaking his head.  “Don’t worry about me, man...these ain’t gonna kill me.”

“Still...as a friend, I feel like I’m obligated to say it,” Yancy said, clapping a hand on his best friend’s shoulder.  “You sure you don’t want to come with us?”

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Jeremy said with a nod.  “Don’t let me keep you.  We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

“Okay, well...if you’re sure,” said Yancy.  “Thanks, man…”

His friend tilted his head up in a slight nod.  “Don’t mention it.  That’s what I’m here for, right?”

“You’ve been a hell of a friend,” Yancy agreed with a smile.

“Shit, man...what do I keep telling you about saying things to me I don’t know how to respond to?” Jeremy said, his own lips quirking up slightly at the corners.  “It’s fucking awkward.”

Yancy laughed.  “I’ll buy you a few rounds of beer next time.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Jeremy said with a slight nod.  “Now get going.  Your brother’s going to get antsy.”

“Shut up, man,” Yancy said with an amused expression.  “Kid knows I’m with you.”

“Well regardless, you’ve left him waiting long enough,” said Jeremy.  “So get outta here.  Scram.”

“Yes, _sir!_ ” Yancy said, giving his friend a mock salute.  

He left his friend where he stood and headed towards where Raleigh was waiting in their car.  His younger brother asked him a question as soon as he plopped into the driver’s seat and shut the door.

“Good talk?”

Yancy nodded as he turned the key already in the ignition to start up the engine.  “Yeah, I think so.  We late to meet up with everyone?”

“Not at all,” said Raleigh.  

“Where’re we going?” Yancy asked.

“Tendo wanted to check out this place downtown,” said Raleigh.  “The Last Tomato?”

“The _what?_ ” Yancy asked as he started to laugh.

His brother laughed with him.  “Yeah, man.  I thought the name was hilarious too when I first heard it—I thought he was making it up, but apparently it’s some Italian joint.  Off Fifth and Orca.”

Yancy shook his head.  “Where the hell did he find _that?_ ”

“Who knows?  It’s _Tendo_ ,” said Raleigh.

The older man chuckled as he drove.  “Yeah...I guess that explains everything, huh?”

“Pretty much.”

Roughly a half hour later, the two brothers were reunited with their PPDC pal along with the two scientists that only Yancy didn’t recognize because he had never met them.  They both introduced themselves as doctors—Newton Geiszler and Hermann Gottlieb.  Yancy laughed inwardly the minute his brother started chatting away with the pair of scientists the minute he caught wind of their names, never letting on that he hadn’t remembered them initially.  After they’d settled into their seats and gotten through the small talk portion of their conversation, things started to get interesting.

“So there’s another reason I wanted to meet,” Tendo said while spreading butter onto a piece of bread.  “In addition to catching up, I mean.”

“Yeah?  And what’s that?” asked Raleigh.

“Even though they shut down the PPDC because the Kaiju threat’s been eliminated,” said Tendo.  “That doesn’t mean all operations related to the force have ceased.”

Raleigh tilted his head.  “What do you mean by that?”

“If I may,” said the man named Hermann.

“Sure,” said Tendo.

“Thank you,” Hermann said before turning his attention to Raleigh and Yancy.  “Newt and I have discovered something that might be of some interest to you both, since the two of you were once Jaeger pilots.”

“Oh, it’s totally awesome!” the man named Newton piped up suddenly, earning himself an eyeroll from his colleague.  “Hey, Raleigh!  You remember Mako Mori, right?”

“Sure I do,” Raleigh said with a nod.  “She was my co-pilot.  After…”

He trailed off and gave his brother an apologetic look.  Yancy shook his head and gave Raleigh a reassuring pat on the back.

“It’s okay,” the older man mouthed quickly.

“Newt... _please_...I was talking?” said Hermann.

The doctor ignored him.  “Great!  So…turns out there’s something she and the marshal knew about the Drift that the PPDC wasn’t aware of.”

Hermann took the other man’s brief pause as an opportunity to finish explaining what exactly that discovery was.  “So long as the hard drive of a Jaeger’s Conn-Pod is in tact...it is possible to speak to the dead.”

Both of the brothers frowned and questioned the news simultaneously.  “ _What?_ ”

Newton nodded enthusiastically.  “Mako was able to prove it with the marshal!”

Yancy raised an eyebrow.  “The marshal?”

“He sacrificed himself to help end the Kaiju War,” Raleigh said quietly.  “Along with Herc Hansen’s only son.”

His older brother frowned.  “The one he went back to Australia for?”

“That’s right,” said Raleigh.  “He survived though.”

“He did?” Yancy asked incredulously.

“Yeah.  The marshal sent him out in an escape pod at the last minute and detonated Striker Eureka himself,” said Raleigh.

Yancy shook his head.  “You’re going to have to fill me in on all this later.  Clearly I’ve missed a lot.”

“Mm...yeah,” said Raleigh.  “A lot did go down during the years you weren’t around.”

“We were going to ask if you’d be interested,” Hermann said, nodding at both brothers.  “However, now I see there is no need…”

“Wouldn’t it still work?” asked Raleigh.

“In theory, yes,” said Hermann.  “But since you’re both alive...there’s no need for that, is there?  We only intended to offer in hopes of bringing you some peace.”

“Well, I appreciate your having thought of me,” said Raleigh.

“Of course!  You were one of our best pilots!” said Newton.  “And the coolest!”

“He’s got all your memorabilia,” Tendo said with a grin.  

“Indeed he does,” Hermann said while sighing with resignation.  “Not to worry, Ranger Becket—he may be a fanboy, but he certainly had your best interests in mind as well.”

Raleigh chuckled.  “Yeah, I know.  That’s all right.”

Yancy leaned forward and folded his arms on top of the table, a contemplative look on his face.  Hermann eyed the man curiously.

“Something on your mind?”

“Yeah,” Yancy said with a nod.  “I’ve got a few questions, if that’s all right?”

Hermann nodded.  “Of course it is.  Ask away.”

“So if I’m understanding correctly, Striker Eureka was a Jaeger?” asked Yancy.  “And the marshal died after detonating it?”

“Correct on both accounts,” said Hermann.

“All right.  Well then I’m assuming that Jaeger’s Conn-Pod’s been obliterated?” asked Yancy.

Hermann nodded.  “Yes.”

“So then how is it you were able to prove with...what was her name again?”

“Mako,” his brother supplied helpfully.  “Mako Mori.”

“Oh.  Right,” said Yancy.  “So how was it she was able to still speak to the marshal, even after he had died?  By Drifting, you said?  I thought that was only possible if both pilots were still living.”

“Wow.  Your brother’s slow,” Newton said to Raleigh, earning him a reprimanding look from Hermann; the doctor paid him no mind and looked at Yancy.  “You remember our disclaimer, don’t you?  That there were things about the Drift the PPDC hadn’t been aware of at the time when we were fighting all those Kaiju.”

“Or at least, we hadn’t had the time to explore them,” Hermann added.  

“But if what you’re saying is true, then wouldn’t you need the hard drive from the destroyed Jaeger?” asked Yancy.

“Actually, the marshal piloted a Jaeger long before that one,” said Tendo.  “And turns out, the essentials from that Mark One were kept long after it was decommissioned from service.”

“And that’s what we used to have Mako show us what the marshal meant by his last words!” Newton said with excitement.

“His last words?” asked Yancy.

“That Mako could always find him in the Drift,” said Tendo.  

“Okay...so wait a second,” said Yancy.  “How many hard drives have you all recovered?”

“Well, Gipsy Danger’s, obviously,” said Newton.  “For one.  For another, the marshal actually ordered for teams to salvage hard drives from any Jaeger that didn’t suffer water damage, since those would have been beyond saving.”

“Always wondered why he had us do that,” said Tendo.  “Now that we know, it all makes sense.”

“Huh.  Well that is something,” said Yancy.  

“We’ve modified the process of creating a neural bridge as well,” said Hermann.

“What’s new?” asked Raleigh.

“They updated the Pons system,” said Tendo.  “It’s a metal ring around the head that covers the eyes.”

“And a bit of metal that covers a small portion of your skull,” said Hermann.

“That was my idea!  That was my addition!” Newton said, practically jumping out of his seat.

“And since it’s separate now from the Jaegers,” said Tendo.  “There’s no need for as much power to fuel the process.”

“Which means less detrimental health risks to the human body,” said Hermann.  

“Well that certainly is interesting…” said Yancy.

Raleigh tilted his head towards his brother.  “What’re you thinking, Yance?”

Yancy shook his head.  “Nothing you need to worry about, kid.”

The conversation was interrupted with the arrival of food.  While everyone began to poke at their dishes, Yancy tilted his chin slightly upwards towards Tendo.

“Hey, Tendo!” said Yancy.  “Mind if I plug your number into my phone?”

The other man nodded.  “Oh!  Yeah, sure, Yancy!  Feel free to get it from your brother.”

“Great.  Thanks,” said Yancy.

“Here, hand me your phone,” said Raleigh.  “I’ll type it in for you.”

“No rush,” said Yancy.  “You can always do it in the car on our way home later.”

Raleigh shrugged.  “Yeah, okay.  I can do that too.”

He smiled when his older brother ruffled his hair affectionately.  “You just focus on enjoying your food for now, kid.”

“Okay.”

The rest of the evening continued peacefully.  There were promises made that the group should meet again.  By the time Raleigh and Yancy got home, it was pretty late, so the two went straight to bed almost immediately.  The following day, it was back to business as usual.

“So how was the meet-up last night?” Jeremy asked as he and Yancy were hammering nails.

“It was a good time,” said Yancy.  “You should’ve come, man.”

His best friend laughed softly.  “Nah...you know I don’t do well with crowds.”

Yancy frowned.  “You shitting me, dude?  You used to be the exact opposite of socially awkward.  You were the life of the party, man!”

Jeremy’s eyebrows scrunched together slightly and he seemed to think for a moment.  “Was I…?  Man...that was a long time ago, then.  I don’t really remember.”

Yancy sighed.  “Well...I guess a lot has changed…”

Jeremy half-smiled.  “Yeah...a lot sure has.”

The two men then fell silent and all that could be heard for a while was the hammering of nails.  After a while, Yancy looked up from his work and over at his friend.

“Hey.  Jerry?”

The dark-haired man tilted his head to one side and cocked an eyebrow, but continued to concentrate on what he was doing.  “Hm?”

“Why don’t you come over to our place for dinner tonight?” asked Yancy.  “Raleigh and I were thinking of renting a movie to watch.”

“Movie night for you guys?” Jeremy asked with a small smile.

Yancy chuckled.  “Sort of.  Lately we’ve been trying to do at least one thing different every week. It just happens to be movies this time.”

“Nah, it’s all right,” said Jeremy.  “I don’t want to be interrupting anything.”

“You won’t be,” said Yancy.  “Come on.  It’s been awhile since you’ve come over.”

His best friend looked over at him and smiled a bit more.  “Ain’t that a good thing, man?  That means there isn’t any crisis left to handle, right?”

Yancy slumped his shoulder slightly.  “Don’t be like that, Jerry.  You know Raleigh and I value you more than that.”

“Ah...yeah, I know,” said Jeremy.  

“You know what?  I know what’ll fix this,” Yancy said before tilting his head up towards the roof of the building they were working on.  “Hey, Raleigh!”

Light footsteps could be heard and Raleigh’s face poked over the side of the roof.  “Yeah?  What’s up, Yance?”

Yancy pointed his thumb back in Jeremy’s direction.  “What do you think about Jerry joining us for dinner and the movie we’re going to rent tonight?”

The younger man grinned and gave a thumbs up.  “Sounds good to me!”

Yancy smiled back at his brother and turned to face Jeremy.  “See?  It’s cool, man.”

Jeremy chuckled and shook his head.  “Yeah, all right...since you put me on the spot like that.”

“Come on, man,” said Yancy.  “It’ll be fun.”

His friend half-smiled.  “What are you two planning on watching?”

“Don’t know,” Yancy said with a slight shrug.  “Whatever the kid wants.”

“You're going to make him turn into a spoiled brat,” Jeremy said with a smirk.

Yancy playfully shook his hammer at Jeremy.  “Hey, you watch how you talk about my brother.”

His friend laughed and nudged the hammer down with a finger.  “You get that tool out of my face, man.”

Yancy laughed in response.  “Yeah, all right.  Anyway...kid’s about to get spoiled a whole lot more though.”

“Oh yeah?” asked Jeremy.  “And how’s that?”

“Sold the car this morning,” said Yancy.

“Get out!” Jeremy said, eyes widening.  “That good ol’ Shelby?  No way!  That was a classic!”

Yancy gave his best friend a slight shrug.  “Hey, it had to be done.”

“Holy hell,” said Jeremy.  “Does the kid know what you got him yet?”

“Nope.  Not a clue,” Yancy said with a laugh.  “I don’t think he even knows that I sold the car in the first place.”

“How’d you pull that off?” said Jeremy.

“Told him I needed to take it to the shop a couple days ago and then started parking it elsewhere until I sold it,” said Yancy.

Jeremy shook his head.  “Man...you sure do plan extensively.”

“It pays off in the end though,” said Yancy

“Yeah, I bet,” said Jeremy.  “You going to let me know how it goes?”

“Of course, man!” said Yancy.  “You not going to ask what it is I got?”

“Eh, I figure if that was something you wanted to share you would have done it already,” said Jeremy.

“You know me too well,” Yancy said with a smile.

“Hey, give me a little credit,” said Jeremy.  “I’ve only been your friend for the last twenty years.”

“That’s true,” Yancy said with a laugh.  “I’d tell you if you asked though.”

“Nah.  I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough anyways,” said Jeremy.  “When it comes to something you’ve done for him, your brother’s not very good about keeping those a secret.”

Yancy chuckled.  “That a fact?”

“You think I’d say it otherwise?” Jeremy asked.

Yancy smiled in response.  The two soon resumed their work.  In a few hours, the project was wrapped up and the men headed for the Becket household.  Jeremy followed behind the two brothers in his truck, driving directly to their house from the construction site.  After they all arrived at the house, Yancy and Raleigh worked together to prepare dinner while Jeremy sat and watched from their kitchen table.

The dark-haired man smiled upon seeing the interactions between the two brothers, who were clearly in their own world while cooking.  He zoned out while half-listening to their banter and watching Raleigh taste some of the contents of their meal from the spoon Yancy was holding.  Jeremy’s eyes wandered around the kitchen.

“ _Man...when was the last time I actually sat down here like this?”_ Jeremy asked himself.

He thought about it for a moment, and realized that the last time he sat in Raleigh and Yancy’s kitchen to have a meal was probably breakfast, just before Kyle had left to join the PPDC.  That time, the two Beckets had been sitting across from himself and Kyle, who had been seated to Jeremy’s left.  The dark-haired man looked wistfully at the empty seat at his side.  His thought process was interrupted when Raleigh set down a pot containing pasta at the center of the table, the pleasant aroma capturing Jeremy’s attention.

“You alright, Jay?” Raleigh asked.  “You seemed to be a little lost in thought there.”

“Hm?  Yeah, fine,” Jeremy said with a small smile.  “So what have we got going on here?”

“Shrimp with angel hair,” Yancy said as he sat at the table and set down a bowl containing some garlic bread.  “Lemon and garlic, along with fresh tomato.  Dash of basil too.”

“Smells fantastic,” said Jeremy.

“Well it should,” Raleigh said as he smiled up at his older brother.  “Yancy prepared most of it today.  He’s a much better cook than I am.”

“Hey, give yourself a little more credit,” Yancy said as he ruffled his younger brother’s hair.  “You sure know how to whip up a thing or two.”

Jeremy chuckled.  “Please, guys, _please_...y’all are going to make me lose my appetite.”

He raised an eyebrow when the two men quickly broke away.  Raleigh smiled at Jeremy sheepishly.

“Ah!  Yeah...sorry about that, Jay.”

Jeremy tilted his head to one side and looked between the brothers curiously.  “Uh...something I’m missing here, guys?”

Raleigh flushed.  “Nope!  Nothing!”

“Yeah, dig in, Jerry,” Yancy said, tilting his chin slightly in the direction of the pasta.  “Help yourself.”

The dark-haired man eyed the two brothers warily before serving himself some food.  “Hm...okay…”

The rest of the meal wore on with quiet conversation, mostly small talk between the three men.  After they had all finished, Yancy cleaned up the table while Raleigh and Jeremy moved the the living room.  Raleigh held up a movie.

“ _The Battalion_ ,” Raleigh said with a smile.  “Supposed to be jam-packed with some awesome action scenes.  Pure adrenaline rush.”

Jeremy chuckled.  “This how all your movie nights are like?  Honestly, I was totally expecting you to have picked out a chick flick.”

“Well, we’re still guys,” Raleigh said with a laugh.  

“A war movie, though?” said Jeremy.  “Thought you two might be over a genre like that.”

“Don’t let him fool you into thinking he picked something like this for your sake,” Yancy said as he entered in the room from the kitchen and settled himself onto the couch.  “There’s this actor in there that he’s totally got the hots for.”

“Oh _really_ now?” Jeremy asked with a slight grin.  “And which one’s that?”

Raleigh blushed.  “Hey!   _Yance!_ ”

“What?  Nothing to be ashamed of, kid,” Yancy said with a lazy smile on his face.  

He leaned back in his seat and looked over at Jeremy.  He pointed a thumb over in his brother’s direction.

“Kid totally digs this guy named Nathaniel Crawford,” said Yancy.  “Blue-eyed beauty with golden-brown hair.”

Jeremy chuckled.  “Sounds like you’re a fan too.”

“Oh he is,” Raleigh said as he plopped down between the two men after setting up the movie.  “He’s just too stubborn to admit it.”

“Hey!  In my defense, I was willing to see other things,” said Yancy.

“Yeah, but you didn’t put up much of a fight with this one now, did you?” Raleigh said, somewhat smugly.

Jeremy laughed.  “All right...okay, kids.  Let’s stop fighting and watch the damn movie.”

The other two men laughed as well and Raleigh held up the remote control to the television.  “Yeah, all right, okay.  You’re right, Jay.”

The movie started and the three men quieted down.  Occasionally, out of the corner of his eye, Jeremy observed with interest the way Raleigh and Yancy were intentionally sitting a bit apart, keeping their hands to themselves.  

“ _Guess they’re trying to be considerate,”_ Jeremy thought with a half-smile.  “ _Wish they wouldn’t, though...they look sort of uncomfortable.”_

At some point early on in the movie, Raleigh straightened his posture with a small smile on his face as his favorite actor appeared on the television screen.  Amused, Jeremy also turned his attention to look, and his breath hitched.  The actor, Nathaniel Crawford, was dressed in a white Naval Uniform.  Jeremy paled and his jaw clenched tight upon seeing the actor march across the screen.  The man looked nothing like his late friend—Kyle’s hair had been a chestnut brown and his eyes had been a sharp hazel color.  However, the way the man carried himself on screen and how sharply he was dressed was so reminiscent of Kyle that Jeremy could no longer focus on the movie’s plot.  

He got up and made a slight noise as he feigned the need to stretch himself out.  Both Yancy and Raleigh turned their attention from the screen to look at him curiously.

“You alright, man?” asked Yancy.  

“Ah...yeah,” Jeremy said, giving his friend an apologetic smile.  “You know what?  I hate to do this to you guys, but I’m pretty tired…”

Raleigh frowned and paused the movie.  “You know, you’re welcome to crash here if you want.  Right, Yance?”

He looked up at his older brother.  Yancy nodded.

“Yeah man,” said Yancy.  “Rals and I can call it a night early too and you can crash on our couch.  Or you can stay in the master bedroom upstairs, if you don’t think that’s too weird.”

Jeremy shook his head.  “Nah...it’s alright.  I think I’d feel more comfortable at my own place anyway.  I didn’t even bring any of my stuff here.”

“Well...if that’s what you want,” said Yancy.

“Yeah,” Jeremy said with a nod.  “Sorry to cut the evening short, you guys.”

“It’s cool,” said Yancy.

“Thanks,” Jeremy said as he dug in his pocket for his keys.  “I’ll see you two later at work.”

“Yeah, all right,” said Raleigh.  “Later, Jay.”

Jeremy gave the younger man a wave in response and then moved out of the living room.  Yancy leaned over and whispered into his brother’s ear.

“Hey, I’m going to go walk him out, okay?”

Raleigh nodded.  “Yeah.  Go on ahead.”

“Thanks, kid,” Yancy said as he pecked a kiss onto his younger brother’s cheek before getting up and chasing after his friend.  “Yo, Jerry!  Wait up, man!”

Jeremy was putting on his work boots at the front door when Yancy caught up to him.  He looked at his friend when Yancy clapped a hand onto his shoulder.

“Hey,” said Yancy.  “Let me walk you out.”

His friend half-smiled.  “Not necessary, Yancy.”

“No, man, it’s alright,” said Yancy.  “I want to.”

Jeremy let out a small sigh and shrugged slightly.  “All right then...suit yourself.”

“So what’s going on with you, lately?” Yancy asked as he followed his best friend out of the house.  “You’ve been kind of out of it.”

“Hm...have I?” asked Jeremy.

“Yeah, man, and it’s not like you,” said Yancy.  “What’s going on?”

Jeremy sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck.  “You know what?  I don’t think I really know myself.”

“Well something’s obviously been bothering you,” said Yancy.  “Come on, man...talk to me, will you?  You’ve done so much for Raleigh and I in the past...at least let me return the favor now?”

They stopped in front of Jeremy’s cobalt blue truck.  Jeremy leaned against the driver’s side door and faced his friend.  He looked into Yancy’s eyes for a second before averting his gaze.

“I don’t know, man...it’s going to sound stupid,” said Jeremy.

“Just spit it out, Jerry,” Yancy said, shaking his head.  “It’s not like you to be so evasive.”

“Yeah, well I don’t like to be petty, either,” Jeremy said running a hand frustratedly through his hair.  “And as much as I hate to say it, that’s exactly what this is right now.”

“What do you mean?” Yancy asked tilting his head to one side.

“Goddamnit!” Jeremy muttered as he pulled out his box of cigarettes and lighter from his pocket.  “Are we really talking about this?”

“Come on, Jerry!  I’m sure it’s not as bad as you’re thinking,” Yancy said with a frown.

He watched as his friend lit up a cigarette before shoving the box and lighter back into his pocket.  Jeremy blew out a stream of smoke and scratched at his forehead with the thumb of the hand holding the tobacco.  

“Look, it’s just weird now, all right?” Jeremy snapped.

“What is?” asked Yancy.

“Let’s be real, man,” Jeremy said, looking Yancy in the eye.  “You and I only became friends in the first place because Kyle brought us together.  Before then, it was just you and your brother, and the two of you have always been stuck in your own little world.  Even now it’s like that.”

Yancy opened his mouth to say something but hesitated when his best friend pushed out a huge sigh.  Jeremy ran his fingers through his black hair again.

“Neither of you are at fault, all right?  I know you guys are trying,” said Jeremy.  “It’s just...I look at what you two have got, and it just reminds me of what Kyle and I sort of had in the past, and…”

Yancy half-smiled.  “Ah...that’s right.  You guys have always been pretty close, right?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said as he blew a stream of smoke towards the sky.  “I knew him since kindergarten.  Well before I met you guys.”

“Mm…”

“Anyway, you know that if it weren’t for Kyle, you and I probably would’ve never been friends,” Jeremy said with a rueful smile.  “And if it weren’t for you losing your memory, we probably wouldn’t have ever gotten along like we do now.”

“Well, isn’t that what’s important now?” Yancy asked with a shrug.  “That we’re on far better terms now?”

“Yeah, except that one thing hasn’t changed,” said Jeremy.

“And what’s that?” asked Yancy.

“Come on, man.  You know the saying,” Jeremy said as he used his fingers to emphasize his point.  “Two’s company.  Three’s a crowd.”

Yancy’s shoulders slumped slightly.  “Jerry…”

“Like I said, it’s not your fault.  Or your brother’s,” Jeremy said with a sigh.  “I guess now things are just starting to hit me, that’s all.  For the longest time...helping the two of you?  It kind of made me feel like I had some purpose, you know?  Damn...I know that sounds shitty, but…”

“Nah.  I understand,” said Yancy.  “So…”

“Well, now that things are cool with you guys…I don’t know how to explain it,” said Jeremy.  “I guess the only way I can describe it is...I’m having to learn to deal with the silence again.”

Yancy gave his friend a sympathetic look.  “You know we’re always here for you though, right?”

Jeremy chucked his finished cigarette butt to the ground and put it out under his shoe.  He shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed.

“Yeah, I know.  It’s all right though, I’ll figure it out,” said Jeremy.  

Yancy half-smiled.  “Sure you don’t want to come inside and finish the movie?”

Jeremy shook his head and chuckled softly.  “Nah, man...I think that’s what’s got me a little on edge right now, to be honest.”

Yancy’s brows furrowed together.  “What?  Why?”

“Fuck, this is going to sound dumb too,” said Jeremy.

“It’s all right, man,” Yancy said with a shrug.  “Just say it.”

“That dude...that actor your brother likes?  Nathaniel Crayfish or whatever?” said Jeremy.

Yancy snorted.  “It’s Crawford, actually, but yeah, go on.”

“Yeah, Crawford.  Right,” Jeremy said, rubbing at the back of his neck.  “Well, anyway...I know that guy doesn’t look anything like him, but...he reminded me an awful lot of Kyle.”

“Hm…” Yancy said as he closed his eyes and thought for a second before opening them again and nodding.  “Yeah.  You’re right.  I think I can see what you’re talking about.  Kind of how he portrays that character he plays on screen, right?”

“Yeah...I don’t know,” said Jeremy.  “Listen...it’s been a long day.  Don’t mean to put a damper on your evening, but...I’m just going to head home, all right?”

Yancy sighed and took a step back.  “Yeah, all right, man.  See you in the morning?”

“Bright and early,” Jeremy said with a half-smile before climbing into his truck.

Yancy watched his friend leave with a hollow feeling in his stomach.  After Jeremy had gone, Yancy walked back to his house and went into his living room.  He plopped down beside Raleigh again on the couch with a small sigh.  His younger brother looked at him in concern.

“You look tired, Yance,” said Raleigh.  “You and Jeremy fight out there or something?”

The older man shook his head and leaned his head back on the couch, letting out another sigh.  “Nah...nothing like that, Rals.”

“Then what’s up?” asked Raleigh.  

The younger man leaned against his older brother and Yancy wrapped an arm around Raleigh’s shoulders.  Yancy pressed his face into his younger brother’s hair.

“I’m a little worried about him, Rals,” said Yancy.  “I think he feels like he’s on the outside now when he’s with us.”

“Mm...I wonder if there’s anything we can do,” said Raleigh.

“Yeah, I don’t know...I’m thinking,” said Yancy.

After a few minutes of contemplative silence between them, Raleigh stood up.  “Hey, I’m kind of feeling a cup of tea right now.  You want some?”

Yancy nodded with a smile.  “Yeah, that’d be nice.  Thanks, Rals.”

The younger man smiled back.  “Sure, no problem.  Maybe it’ll help our little brainstorming session.”

Yancy chuckled.  “It might.”

“Be back in a minute,” said Raleigh.

“Take your time,” Yancy said as he leaned his head back against the couch again.

A few seconds passed by when an idea struck Yancy.  He got up from the couch and went upstairs to the bedroom he shared with his brother to retrieve his phone.  He scrolled through his contacts and pressed Tendo’s name, holding the phone to his ear as he walked down the stairs and back into the living room.  When Raleigh came in later with two cups of freshly-made tea, Yancy was in the middle of a conversation with the former technician.

“Uh huh...so how soon can we set that up?” Yancy asked as he accepted one of the steaming cups by the handle from his brother.

“Who is it?” Raleigh mouthed quietly.

“Tendo,” Yancy mouthed silently back.

Raleigh nodded and gave his brother a small smile as he sat down next to Yancy, carefully holding his own cup of tea in his hands.  He leaned his head on Yancy’s shoulder while sipping occasionally from his cup, listening to his brother’s half of the conversation.

“In a couple weeks?  That’s all?” asked Yancy.  “That’s great, man.  I really appreciate you doing this.”

Raleigh’s brows were furrowed in concentration as he strained to hear Tendo’s voice through the phone.  He simultaneously probed his brother’s mind for information in the Drift.  He smiled when Yancy opened up to him, and his expression brightened more once he discovered what it was his brother was in the process of arranging.  

“Yeah, I’ll let Raleigh know you said hey,” said Yancy.  “Talk to you later, man.”

Raleigh looked up at his brother when Yancy hung up the phone.  “That’s really sweet of you to do that, Yance.”

Yancy pressed a kiss to Raleigh’s forehead before speaking.  “Hey, it’s the least I can do, right?”

“Hm...yeah,” said Raleigh.

Yancy smiled.  He set his cup down on a side table and slipped his phone back in his pocket. When he pulled his hand back out, it was curled in a slight fist. The older man then spread out an arm, inviting Raleigh in.

“C’mere, Rals,” said Yancy.

The younger man set his cup down on a coffee table in front of him before allowing Yancy to pull him onto the older man’s lap.  Raleigh laughed softly with delight when Yancy nuzzled his neck.  The older man wrapped his arms around Raleigh’s and took hold of the younger man’s hands in his own.  When Yancy ran his thumbs down the backside of Raleigh’s hands, the younger man blushed.  

“What’re you doing, Yance?” Raleigh asked.

Yancy laughed softly.  “Just admiring your hands.  You’ve got a beautiful pair of them, Raleigh.”

His younger brother flushed harder.  “Yancy…!”

“You know what would make them look even better though…?” the older man asked.

Raleigh tilted his head curiously.  “Hm…?”

His eyes widened when, seemingly like magic, Yancy seemingly made a cold object appear.  When Raleigh saw what it was, he wondered why he hadn’t felt it in his brother’s hand earlier.  The younger man let out a small gasp when Yancy slid the plain silver band down the ring finger of his left hand.

“Yancy…!  You…?”

A fiery heat rose in the younger man’s cheeks when he felt Yancy press his lips against the side of his face.  “I sold the car so I could buy you this ring.”

Raleigh leaned his back against his brother’s chest and felt almost as if he were melting in his brother’s arms.  He tilted his head back, hovering his lips close to his older brother’s ear.

“I thought you loved the Mustang?” Raleigh whispered.

“Not nearly as much as I love you,” Yancy said with a smile.  

Raleigh smiled back at him, and then Yancy turned his head, angling it in a way so that he and his younger brother could share a kiss.  The pair didn't make it to bed that night.


End file.
